I need support!! I quit using but mate hasn't! HELP!

[ameemss]

I am new in recovery in every aspect. I decided to get sober(in a drug court. Didn't have a choice at first. Got put into a jail program and it opened my eyes!!) And the beginning was easy. Only one problem, really, my boyfriend whom I live with and who supports me, decided to stay using. I am having a very hard time. I have relapsed twice due to eeping myself in this situation. I tried saying me or the dope, at first he just lied. Then i realized he wasn't gonna quit. So i tried just ignoring it. I tried so hard. But he gets what he wants reguardless so he'd push me into arguing so i would just leave, he'd be popular for a moment, then he wanted me back. So I went back, Tons of promises, continued sneaking around, lying more, hanging with same losers, it just sucks. But I can't seem to leave him behind. We have been together for almost 2 years. We met about 2 yrs ago through a friend and his wife of 27yrs had just died. He was so lost. I fell right into it. He owns his own company and i used 2 work 4 him. I have no car or home, he has 2 homes and 3 cars. I fell in love with the idea he really loved me back. anyways, i am tired. I know what I need to do. Just need to hear it, maybe make some friends,too, if i'm lucky.

[Peter]

Welcome to the forums.

Have you tried any 12 Step meetings yet? I found them a great place for self empowerment and making friends.

[Ann]

Welcome to SoberRecovery. Peter has made a great suggestion, try some meetings, NA, AA for your substance abuse issues and Alanon, Naranon or CoDA for your issues of loving an addict. I promise you that they will help (they saved my life), and what have you got to lose to try? You have everything to gain.

Take a read around and know you are among friends here. You are wise to protect your own recovery from drug abuse, your life may depend on what you do next, and that is entirely up to you.

Glad to have you join us. There are many double winners here (experienced on both sides of addiction) and you may find that what helped them may help you too.

Hugs

[Impurrfect]

Welcome to SR!

I am a recovering addict, and had to leave my XABF (ex-addict-boyfriend) behind because he continued using. I have almost 18 months, but STILL don't trust myself to be around him, because I put MY recovery at risk with him.

I know you say you are dependent on him, but I would check into options of getting out on your own, somehow. It's just too hard to have our DOC (drug of choice) in our face, especially in early recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Troubledone]

Ameems

Based on what I know about human nature, it is almost impossible for someone to make a big change in their life if their environment does not support it. That goes for anyone and any change but is particularly true for drugs because of the intense pull drugs have on people.

The way to set yourself up for success is to put yourself in a clean environment, however modest, among people who are not using and hopefully among people in recovery.

Some suggestions:

Call women's shelters - if they can't take you they may know about other options
Call the local county economic assistance folks and tell them your problem. Many can give you support to get a job, find a place, etc.
Check into a half-way house for yourself. Most of these require that you have a job and pay a certain amount each month, but there are meetings several times a week, etc.
Go to meetings - often people there have information that you wouldn't have any other way to know about regardng options you might be able to pursue.

I think the one thing you might have to face (hope this isn't too harsh) is that if you are dependent on someone who is dependent on drugs, you can't be free to be your whole healthy self. Getting healthy means becoming 100% responsible for yourself and your life, with or without someone else.

It is better to live modestly with little material possessions than to sacrifice your self, your freedom and your mental health.

Prayers that you find the resources that can put you on the path to joy and freedom.

God Bless