Why do they do this?

[GreenEyedGirl39]

Why is it after they completely wreck something special (i.e. you birthday) and leave you in a complete brokedown mess. THEN, he wants to act like everything is ok or that there is something wrong with me? WTF! (sorry for the language). I hate this. You all seen my post about last night. Well, finally I exhausted myself out pacing the floor, etc. (no sweat on him, he went to bed early) and I slept on the sofa with the dog. So, like his usual bum self, he didn't get up for work today but called his boss and said he was "working from home". I have avoided him all day as I do work from home. Now, he just came in put his arms around me and gave me a big hug. I didn't reciprocate. I just sat there. Butter could melt in his mouth as he is like are you ok baby? Do you feel ok?

Are you freaking serious?

[laurie6781]

I am sorry you are going through this. However, your A is in active addiction and thus totally narcissistic and in his mind the world revolves around him.

Only you will know when Enough is Enough. Only you will know when you have realized that you are much better than this treatment.

Until then, please keep posting, letting us know how You are doing. Get to some Alanon and/or Naranon, keep posting, we do care very much!

Love and hugs,

[Impurrfect]

They do it because they refuse to face reality. As long as HE'S not admitting anything happened, he's hoping YOU will forget.

He wants to do what he wants to do, and have you accept it. He's also hoping that if he's all sweet, you'll forget.

It's manipulation and he doesn't want to face any consequences for his actions.

Sorry, but that's the way I see it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[anvilhead]

maybe cuz to him nothing IS wrong? everything is peachy in his little universe......in his mind he did nothing wrong, no big deal..........he either can't see what the problem is, or won't..........

[hello-kitty]

They do this because we let them get away with it. We stay and stay and stay and hope that this time things will be different, but if nothing changes (that means US not them) then nothing changes.

Read the sticky about what addicts do at the top of this forum and then ask yourself, what you are you getting out of it.

He's sick. He's an addict. You can't fix it. You can't understand it. You can only make yourself sicker than he is by trying to figure it all out.

[hello-kitty]

By the way, my ex used to do the same things your husband is doing - and worse actually.

Once I stopped trying to figure out why he treated me that way and started to ask why I accepted it, things got better. I started to draw real boundaries about the kind of treatment I was willing to accept in my life and I started to enforce those boundaries.

He stopped. Well he stopped treating me like a door-mat. Actually, he didn't stop trying, but I stopped letting him. A person can only treat us like doormat if we allow it.

I'm much happier now.

[rozied]

Hello-Kitty said it all, anyone will treat you like a doormat if you let them.

[Abundance]

He is not understanding how you are feeling. He is so used to doing and then saying the I'm sorrys!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know how excited you were about his home coming. Stay in your recovery though.

Let him know how you feel - be true to yourself - don't make threats you aren't willing to stand by - don't be haste - don't let this addiction take you down - stay in your recovery - when in doubt, don't make a decision - ACT not re-act - stay in your recovery. I can't tell you how much to stay in your recovery.

If you spend too much time in what he is going through - you will not be able to fully understand and you will go down with him...... honor yourself and your feelings. You are worth it..... your child is worth it. Your husband is going to come around when he is ready - when he is ready to face his demons head on. The more you get in the way - the longer it will take him.

I'm just a month or so ahead of you with this. My guy came home from rehab in the end of June and he relapsed about a month later. I'm not saying your husband has, but he is paving the way to do so. Let him go - let him do it ...... don't stand in his way. Just stay true to yourself and stay in YOUR recovery.

I'm doing it.... I'm *trying*..... I'm so aware yet so blind at the same time. But I have the tools and I'm using them ... I have my codie armor on - I'm aware of what my part is in ALL of this.

(((HUGS)))........ and a gigantic squeeeeze!

[NeedingHelp7]

He wants to do what he wants to do, and have you accept it. He's also hoping that if he's all sweet, you'll forget.

BINGO!!! ................That this continued alcoholic behavior, until he works a program, he isn't seeing it.

[greeteachday]

Once I stopped trying to figure out why he treated me that way and started to ask why I accepted it, things got better. I started to draw real boundaries about the kind of treatment I was willing to accept in my life and I started to enforce those boundaries.

I love this...It truly says it all. Thanks Kitty.