Stirred up a hornets nest

[lookingin2you]

I have been with my ABF for 10+ years. 3 years ago he went to rehab and stopped using narcotics. After he never went to AA/NA just counseling. Soon after he returned home things started to get out of hand with his sleeping medication. Personally, I was irked his rehab sent him home with any because it was one of a dozen pills he abused. Anyway, I lived with it because overall it was an improvement.

Fast forward 3 years and the abuse spiraled to include several drugs, multiple doctors, pharmacies and a web of deception. He justifies it as what he "needs" to sleep. Lately he has been so drugged that I have been worried for his life and often talked to my counselor about it. He is on so many downers that one day recently he fell down on the floor and couldn't get up because his body was like jello.

Of course, ABF thinks MY counseling should be devoid of talk about HIM as if we are two completely separate forces that don't affect each other.

Last week my counselor finally talked me into allowing her to contact his psych doc and main prescriber to tell her what's going on. On Tues he found out via apt with her and of course the crap has hit the fan.

I suppose it's no surprise to most of you that everything that has happened is my fault. He turned down a chance from her for help. I have ruined his life, and he hates me. I have heard it all in the last 2 days. I know it's all addict bullcrap talking and this morning I was even laughing under my blanket at some of things he was blaming me for. Mostly the rage is extremely dark and scary. I have never seen him act like this for extended periods of time and am considering leaving. I feel like if I leave I need to be ready to say that I am not coming back until he is in treatment again. And yet I feel so weak and it's still hard to walk away even while he's acting like a monster.

He's thrown every book at me (figuratively) he can think of, including threatening to kill himself as revenge.

I go back to my counselor tomorrow and I am guessing ABF will want to come along and yell and rage at her, too. She's prepared for it. Dealing with him is taking so much energy from me. I don't want all of our love to be down the drain, but right now there is nothing there anyway.

I know this is kind of disjointed. I am just really sad and wanted someone to talk to who would understand and not judge me.

Thanks.

[Impurrfect]

(((Hugs)))

I'm a recovering addict/codie and when we addicts lose our "hook-up" we get mad. We will blame anyone and everyone, because then we don't have to look at ourselves or our actions.

Even though you know this is addict quacking, I know it still hurts.

Please keep yourself safe. If his rage continues and he shows any violent tendencies, please GET OUT!!! Many an addict has seriously hurt or killed someone when they are out of control...even one's you'd never think of doing it.

Put a plan in place..keep your cell phone close with you, make sure you have access to money and a place to go. Even if you don't have to use it, it will give you peace of mind to know you have a plan.

As far as "leaving for now" or "leaving for good", I understand what you're saying, but I also know that we can't predict tomorrow. If you need to leave FOR NOW, just go. Tomorrow you can think about your options.

Stay safe and take care of you.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[WENDYLOST101]

My husband is sorta like yours. He is in a "pain management clinic" If that is what you want to call it. I call it legal dope dealers. Anyway, I have been wanting to call them and tell them what he's doing but havent had the courage cause I am scared of teh rage he will get in. So, my point is good for you for doing the right thing.

[Momsrainbow]

I called AH parole officer, the police and all of AH doctors. No rage-he found new sources.

Impurrfect is right!!!!!

[MrsMagoo]

I called my AH's doctor's office and told them that AH was shooting up the "break-through" medication that came in capsule form. I berated them because his chart clearly indicates a lengthy opiate/heroin addiction. Luckily, the doctor didn't tell on me and he just cut hubby off from the pain meds that he could put in his arm. Now, finally, he's on methadone for pain. Unfortunately, he decided to start smoking and shooting crack since the methadone blocks the high from heroin or pain meds.

They just trade DOC's. High is high.

Protect yourself and your family (if any) and do like Amy said - make a plan and be ready to implement it at a moments notice. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'm sorry any of us need to deal with this. There is nothing, unfortunately, that you can do for him as he needs to want to be better and often, they don't because the road to getting better is usually painful.

Prayers for you!

[Troubledone]

Lookingin2you

As they say, sometimes things need to get worse in order to get better. Your post actually sounds pretty calm and organized to me... and I think you did all the right things.

It sounds like you have a really good system for taking care of you. I know it must be very sad to be going through this. Addiction is such a baffling disease.

I pray that you stay strong and at peace... after you've done all you can do, I guess its in the hands of his HP.

Prayers for you and him.

[SERENITY BOUND]

Impurrfect is right!!! Think of your safety.

Prayers coming your way.

[lookingin2you]

Originally Posted by Impurrfect

(((Hugs)))

Put a plan in place..keep your cell phone close with you, make sure you have access to money and a place to go. Even if you don't have to use it, it will give you peace of mind to know you have a plan.

Thanks, Amy. Luckily I have my parents close by and am welcome there any time. I have a cell, money, and can easily grab my kitty and leave if need be.

[outtolunch]

Oh my. Ten + years is a long time. Do you think you will tire of it all, someday?

[Impurrfect]

Now, you sound like me...gotta grab the kitty (except I have 3). Glad to hear you are looking out for your safety...that comes first!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[lookingin2you]

Well...I had to call 911 today - ABF took an overdose of xanax, soma, and lunesta. They're keeping him overnight for observation. I hope that once he's sobered up tomorrow he might consider treatment. I am so lost right now.