Can't Decide

[scorpiogirl]

Do what's right for YOU! Part of the disease (her disease), is trying to control those around us (her not wanting you to go and being mean if you do). Sounds like she's afraid you will find out something and see her for what she is....and that you might hear something and change the status quo.

No matter what she is thinking...focus on what is right for you. It's not alright to live under someone else's thumb or dictatorship. If you give in to her demands here, you're helping to feed the disease - the disease of denial.

I'll check back later and possibly write some more - gotta go for now. I wish you all the best. I really do. Since you're at a computer, do some online searches about the disease and co-dependency (your part).

I'm pulling for ya!

[awakeawake]

Originally Posted by TTOSBT

awakeawake, that is wonderful!
So, just curious, where did you say that you went?

ugh - this is a hard one... I actually didn't say anything. I just went out when she got into the shower. Then I told her that I went to a few stores in town, etc (which I did, but omission is still lying and I don't feel good about the lying- I really don't)... I guess the good thing is that at least I went.... and, as always, I didn't talk about her... Irony is that the topic was step 10 and I shared that sometimes I don't actually know if what I am doing is right or wrong.

As far as SR and real meetings... I agree somewhat. I think they are both helpful- I wouldn't want to just go to meetings and not have these boards- not anymore- they have helped too much. I pray that by participating here it will ultimately help someone else...

Remember that anything we do/send on the web is permanent(really). These messages we are writing will be around for as long as our society exists. Maybe it will be 10, 20, 50 or 100 years from now when someone else finds answers for themselves in these postings... or maybe it will be today.

[itisatruth]

Originally Posted by awakeawake

I think the best thing for me is to go... but it's not the best thing to be called someone who betrays his wife weekly, etc.

My AH used to say things like this all the time. He would say things like, "I guess I take my marriage vows more seriously...." or "We said 'For better or for worse,' I'd stay with you if you were having problems."

I got to the point that I answered, "I am not the one choosing pills over our marriage." and "I believe in marriage, why do you choose your pills over our marriage."

He tried to manipulate me into feeling guilty. It used to work. Not anymore.

When I started Al-anon and began to understand how much I needed the meetings, I would say: "If you love me and want the best for me, you will understand that I NEED this."

The bottom line for me is, I feel so much better after my meetings. I have to go, for me. Someone who loves me would appreciate that.


I hope she can come to that understanding.

[ZombieWife]

Originally Posted by awakeawake

ugh - this is a hard one... I actually didn't say anything. I just went out when she got into the shower. Then I told her that I went to a few stores in town, etc (which I did, but omission is still lying and I don't feel good about the lying- I really don't)... I guess the good thing is that at least I went.... and, as always, I didn't talk about her... Irony is that the topic was step 10 and I shared that sometimes I don't actually know if what I am doing is right or wrong.

As far as SR and real meetings... I agree somewhat. I think they are both helpful- I wouldn't want to just go to meetings and not have these boards- not anymore- they have helped too much. I pray that by participating here it will ultimately help someone else...

Remember that anything we do/send on the web is permanent(really). These messages we are writing will be around for as long as our society exists. Maybe it will be 10, 20, 50 or 100 years from now when someone else finds answers for themselves in these postings... or maybe it will be today.

I don't know where I would be without these boards. I go through long periods where I just lurk at times, but I read so much and get so much out of it. I'm glad you went. And I'm glad you are here, too!