AH just got kicked out of rehab

[Callie]

I am shaking so bad that I could explode. AH's counselor just called and said AH was packing right now he was kicked out. Counselor said AH asked that he not tell me. From what I can gather it's from ujsing drugs. I guess 2 were kicked out yesterday and ah today. He will die from this disease. He was in a great rehab. He will die from this. I just have to figure out how to let go. I am just beside myself right now.

[littlebird77]

oh goodness. i can feel your pain... do you know if he is going to try to come to you?

[StillLearning!]

(((callie)))
Deep breath- mines been kicked out- didn't die..
His choice, I would recommend no communication with him right now.. talk here!!! He is in his hp's hands.. I know the panic- deep breaths dear- more will be along!!
Huge hugs

[Callie]

x

[sojourner]

Callie:

Breathe, breathe. You are in God's hands right now. AH is in God's hands right now. You are loved. Your task right now is to settle down, calm your heart, calm your mind. It is when you've calmed down that you can move forward with decisions.

[Callie]

thank you - i just can't stop the tears, I can't breathe, can't breathe, can't breathe and I can't quit shaking. I haven't even talked to him yet. I haven't called up there for 2 days because I wanted to let him be. To think about things. I didn't go up there this weekend for classes or visitation because I thought he needed to not see me come running. Guess I should have.

[StillLearning!]

Well- no one is going to pick him up are they???!!!!
I would recommend- no contact for now. Leave him to AA- if that is all he has to turn to. Talk to- they ARE there for him... great tx center, sorry he chose- salvation army works well- hands off the addict.
You don't need to go into the future, divorce right now..

[littlebird77]

i am so sorry callie... i'm here for you.

[Callie]

he has his car up there, the rehab just released his keys. he appeared to be doing so well the last time I talked with him.

[littlebird77]

do you think he is going to come to your home? do you have kids?

Originally Posted by Callie

he has his car up there, the rehab just released his keys. he appeared to be doing so well the last time I talked with him.

[Impurrfect]

((Callie))

Honey, you not going up there has not ONE damn thing with his actions. He is a big boy, and he's making his choice.

From what I've read, he thinks he can do what he wants to, and using is what he wants to do. I was exactly the same way. It wasn't until I got in enough trouble and NO ONE bailed me out, that I realized MY way wasn't working.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[caileesnana]

from another one who couldn't let go for way too long! Can you abandon him to God? That was they only way I could do it--hope it helps!
susan

[Callie]

Originally Posted by Impurrfect

((Callie))

From what I've read, he thinks he can do what he wants to, and using is what he wants to do. I was exactly the same way. It wasn't until I got in enough trouble and NO ONE bailed me out, that I realized MY way wasn't working.

They tried to set him up with IOP and he refused it. He begged the counselor not to call me, but counselor said he was going too. MY AH has said that if he doesn't have me (and my family) that he chooses to be high for the rest of his life and only sober up when he sees the kids. He's now lost his job, his house, his wife, gotten himself kicked out of rehab. His family will turn their back on him (except for his extremely codie mom). What does he have to live for. That will be his mentality. I haven't even spoken with him yet.

[NeedingHelp7]

Callie, If I remember, he was talking about not wanting to be there last week.
I hate it when they have given up such an opportunity for help and to get well.

I pray the Lord helps you make the right decisions for yourself and children now, I know it's not easy.

Huggs and comfort coming your way.

NH7

[kj0975]

Callie stay strong. Are you gonna let him come home? If you do please know that he will keep doing what hes doing and nothing will ever change. I know that sounds mean but in reality thats how it goes. Why change if nothing else changes. I know how hard this is and I know you must be devastated and heartbroken. NONE of this is your fault. What if you did visit do you think he wouldnt have done anything? If you think things would be different if you did visit your wrong. He would have done it anyways. Why? Cause hes and addict thats what we do. Plus he knows that he has a place to go not like he will be out in the streets why would you take recovery seriously. It wasnt til boundaries were set in stone and I knew I couldnt BS my way around them that I decided to change. To be honest if things would have never changed and no boundaries were set I would still be abusing pills. Why not I lost nothing outta the deal really. ((HUGS))

[kj0975]

Notice the recovering addicts said pretty much the same thing. Its a gift to see it from the other side please listen to us.

[krhea75]

My son was kicked out of rehab several times, so I know the feeling. I was so disappointed. But each time he went to rehab, he got more. The kicking out was a part of his growth. I can't say that he got better because of it. But your going up there probably wouldn't have made a difference. It is up to him. I'm sorry for the chaos. Hang in there
krhea

[NeedingHelp7]

There's no codie workers at rehab either. They won't waste thier time on one who isn't staying clean, and serious about help.

I had to kick AH (1 1/2 yrs ago, and he still isn't right) and AS out. I know how difficult this is for you.
AS was at the door yesterday begging to come in because he was tired, cold, and hungry. I couldn't let him in and it broke my heart. The police were even heart broken, I could see it in their eyes, but they knew I was doing the right thing, and advised me to continue the process of and Order Of Protection.

Not easy my friend.

Love and Huggs,
NH7

[Japic05]

Callie
Hugs to you - I'm sure you are feeling lots of emotions right now.

Please know that an alcoholic/addict can't get sober for their spouse, their kids, their job, their house, or for _______________ - it won't work. They have to do that for themselves.

Just as a person has to want to live for themselves.

Please think about the 3 c's

We didn't cause it
We can't control it
We can't cure it.

Just because you didn't go visit him is NOT why he relapsed - he relapsed because he has a disease and he didn't or was unable to give himself to a power greater than himself for help. It has NOTHING to do with YOU.

Whatever you decide to do now can be about what is best for YOU. You have options and choices - you can pray, meditate and seek guidance from your HP as to what is the plan and will for your life.

Sending out prayers and good thoughts for you,
Rita

[Callie]

Just talked with Ah - he tried to lie about why he was kicked out (which I knew he would). I said he could either man up and tell the truth or I would hang up. He ended up telling me that on Sunday @ family day their were about 4 guys who hung around because they didn't have family there. One of the guys who had about 17 days clean was allowed to leave. I guess he came back with percocet. He said he gave it to AH. AH took it and I guess all four guys were kicked out. AH said he'd been really sick (day 8 of withdrawal). They kicked him out today.

I know what you'll tell me so I'm going to just state what he said. He wants to come home, he says he can stay clean here. He said he wants to keep clean. Said I can test him every week if I want. He said he doesn't want to go to meetings - he knows all of what they're telling him. He said he doesn't want to live that life. He said he only took it because it was right in front of him and he knew it would make the sickness go away. Said he's still sick.

I will not let him come home right now. When he started to tell a lie on the phone when I first talked with him I blew up and said he could not come home, I would be filing for divorce immediately. (Which I may do). He said fine he'll just go to xyz and get his pills.

I still cannot believe he would even take something at REHAB. I'm just beside myself right now.

[littlebird77]

oh goodness... I envy your strength. Stay grounded.

I really hate when you tell them you can't stay with them and they go off crying, well I'll just get high then. It almost shows me that they really dont want to be clean at all, more like they just need a place to harbor thier addiction... I also hate when they say they don't go to meetings... I love this one "I know what goes on at the meetings, so I don't have to go.." I say, Well you know what drugs do to you and yet you still keep doing them, so if you know what is done and said at meetings and can stop that, then why can't you stop using... grrrrr

[anvilhead]

cal, if he can't stay clean IN REHAB, how in the hell is he gonna stay clean on the outside? he SAYS this and he SAYS that, and how's he's gonna, and if only you will, and it's all about the family and blah di blah blah blah.......stand back from the whole thing for a minute....he didn't want to go IN to rehab in the first place, few days he was already p!ssing and moaning about and then found a way to get some drugs....and got himself kicked out. and the moment you stood up for yourself, he said, with as much maturity as a five year old, fine then, i'll just go get high..........

show me where in all that is a mindset that has a desire to get clean and stay clean????? he is unwilling to do ONE thing FOR himself, and if he cannot man up and take responsibility for himself and his own actions, how on earth is coming back home going to help???? that only allows him to continue his irresponsible ways, with you taking care of everything.......as others said, he's a big boy now, it's time to fish or cut bait.........

[NeedingHelp7]

Callie, you may need to change the locks on the house.

[ZombieWife]

Originally Posted by Callie

MY AH has said that if he doesn't have me (and my family) that he chooses to be high for the rest of his life and only sober up when he sees the kids.

Him holding you and your family "hostage" in this sense is unacceptable. He needs to get clean on his own. If he's always getting clean for other people, it will never stick. I would personally look into removing his visitation and severing any and all ties. Then, just pray and heal.

There's no reason he can't pull out of it, but he can't do it for you or your family or your kids, and what he's tried in the past has not worked. Time for him to figure it all out for himself.

(many many many hugs to you)

[laurie6781]

(((((Callie)))))

First, nothing you did or didn't do (not going this weekend) had anything to do with his using. HE IS AN ADDICT.

You cannot fix him. Sounds like he has made his choice, and all those phrases of "if I don't have my family I have nothing to live for" and the like are just manipulation and QUACKING.

Please, please, for your own sanity and the sanity of the children DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN THE HOUSE. If he ends up living in his care .............................. so be it, he'll still be a step up from many.

He took the pills because he is an ADDICT. Sweetie you have to find a way to 'let it go and give him to his HP." Your life no longer revolves around him and his addiction. You responsibility is to take care of YOU and YOUR CHILDREN.

You can go NO CONTACT any time you are ready. You need to focus on you and the kids. Come here to vent, we are here for you.

I am sure you have read what I have posted in the past about my parents finally locking me out and I was 33 1/2 years old. It took another 2 1/2 years for me to find my bottom and the last 1 1/2 living on the streets.

To continue to put your children through the drama and chaos is NOT good for them, and don't kid yourself, they may not know exactly what is going on but they feel the tension and stress.

Focus on them and yourself. This is your AH's problem and only he can fix it.

Love and hugs,