is letting him move in considered enabling?

[cc1]

I'm new to this board and I need a definite answer to give my mother. A week ago my addict brother finished his program he was in, which by the way wasn't a very intense one, somehow convinced my mother to let him stay in her basement while he supposedly looks to get into the same rehab again. To everyone's susrprise she secretly welcomed him to stay with her under the condition that he say's he's working on getting back there. He verbally abuses her, she drives him around, he hangs out with other drug users, and basically she's the only one that he's got snowballed. Now, I know he obviously doesn't have anywhere else to go due to the fact he lost his family, won't get a job, lost his business, lost his kid's, etc, but is what she's doing considered enabling him.. I thought an addict actually had to hit rock bottom before they even come to grips with the fact they have a problem.. She won't let him hit rock bottom.. I want more info on this so I can present it to her..

[Impurrfect]

Welcome to SR!

I am a recovering addict, as well as a recovering codie (codependent) who has dealt with a few addicts/alcoholics.

Yes, we addicts do have to hit bottom before we will seek recovery. If someone had made it easier for me to use (by letting me live off them, act irresponsible, and keep using without consequences) I would have never sought recovery.

Your mom is enabling him, but for most people who love addicts, they, too, have to hit bottom. For some, it takes longer than others.

Many addicts will use the "I don't have anywhere to go" line...trust me, when I was out smoking crack, I could always find somewhere to go. It may not have been a GOOD place (slept in many a vacant apt.) but I could find somewhere.

It wasn't until my consequences got bad enough that I could even think about recovery. For me, it was getting locked up.

Your mom may or may not stop enabling him. The best thing you can do is lead by example...take care of YOU.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[cc1]

Thank You Amy

[rozied]

I fear Amy is right. As long as an addict has someplace to go where they can continue using they won't get help.

[CarolD]

You could buy your Mom .....
"Co Dependent No More" by M. Beattie
perhaps she will read it and decide to change.

The 2 of you could
Nar alon or Al anon meetings.

Welcome to SR...

[Done-With-It]

An active addict is like a hot stove. Your Mom is touching the stove, she's just not
feeling the blisters yet. She will eventually most likely.
I agree with taking her to a meeting...

I would ask her if he's lost his family, won't get a job, lost his business, lost his kid's, etc, drugs over all these things, WHY does she think she will be any different?
Not to be mean, but she is not any different than the rest, it's the nature of the drug.
The drugs become more important than EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, and you will
use, and abuse anyone to get more, your Mom is not immune to that, sadly to say.

Welcome to SR!!! I wish all the best...

[beegee]

cc1, Read the stickies above the posts here, read other posts they will all tell you what Amy did and everyone else who writes here. Meetings would help her to see the light if this place doesn't. Your mom is trying to do good for him but unfortunately she is hurting him by not letting him fall. Tell her to watch her things, money, jewels anything of value befor it is too late. Addicts want what that they want and that is drugs first and they will say and do anything to get you to believe them to sway you over. My ad is an addict and she cleaned me out this last time cause I enabled her too. Good luck to you on telling your mom . Prayers for her..

[BBD]

cc1~~It's so hard to tell anyone what to do in this situation. No one could have told me all the things I have learned by just living them. That is because I didn't get help till it was really almost to late. My son never stole for us or has been involved with the law but just by paying so many of his bills~~~I enabled him to have his money for drugs. I did start with a Drug-Alcohol counselor that really opened my eyes. Maybe you could get your mom to one....Social Services can provide names in your area. Tell her you want to go and bring her along.....I wish your mom lots of strenght to understand whats happening and the wisdom to figure it out. This is so serious and making mistakes on your part will only prolong their recovery. Hugs, Bonnie