mom of an addict - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

maggie6 · 07-23-2008, 02:27 PM

I am stricken with guilt over what I have to do. My 26 year old heroin addict who has been missing for a couple of months now has made his way to NYC . He is sleeping in alleys and street corners and sometimes staying with Dope dealers. Someone spotted him and said he looks really bad. i could imagine. He has a warrant out for him and his bail was taken away because he didnt show up for his court case. My dilemma. I signed the bail bond. Its 40.000.00. Now they want it back. They will come get him if i can produce him. I need to find him. At least I can save his life this way, but how do you find a drug addict in manhattan. Any suggestions? He has not contacted me at all.He must be really badly into right now. I have been working my program and doing the right things but when is he going to hit HIS bottom?

rozied · 07-23-2008, 02:59 PM

Oh Maggie it won't be easy to find him. First off where do you live? Manhatten is a really big place, I was born in the city & lived there till I was 7 then moved to Long Island. Did you try calling the NY City police & telling them all you know? It might help them to find him if you told them. You can then send them a picture of your son.
You should not feel guilty. I am sure when you signed for him he promised not to run. You cannot absorb a loss of $40,000 at least I know I couldn't. Son or not that is expecting way too much.

marle · 07-23-2008, 03:08 PM

Sending you some hugs. My 22 year old daughter is also a heroin addict. She had to hit a pretty hard bottom but she is in recovery for today. I will say a prayer that the police find him soon. Hugs, Marle

***hope213*** · 07-23-2008, 04:13 PM

i have no suggestion. i just want to let you know i care & i am saying a prayer for you & your son. my son also jumped bond but he got in more troube & was picked up. the woman that signed his bond did not have to pay anything. i hope you find him soon. welcome to S.R.& keep coming back.

rahsue · 07-23-2008, 04:19 PM

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Finding someone in the city is pretty hard, you have to know where the addicts hang out. My 23 yr old son is a recovering heroin addict and one time I remember I wanted to go and find him (back when I didn't even know what a program was for me) I sat and thought where I would go if I didn't want to be found, and by the grace of God I found him on the first trip. I don't think it's a good idea to go out like I did, I could have been mugged or killed. I wish you the best. and good luck

BBD · 07-23-2008, 04:58 PM

maggie6~ I agree with "rozied".....I'd call the Manhattan Police Dept. and explain your situation. I have a great friend that lives in Manhattan and the last time I was there I met those guys. They are one of the best~~no kidding!! Hugs and good luck, Bonnie

**Ann** · 07-23-2008, 06:27 PM

This mom of an addict understands your pain and I hope you can find him and salvage the bond money. He'd be safer in jail than where he is now.

I'm sorry I don't know how you could find him, but will keep you both in my prayers.

Hugs

Impurrfect · 07-23-2008, 07:07 PM

((Maggie))

I agree with the above...let the police try to find him. I'm a recovering addict, and we're not easy to be found when we don't WANT to be found. I, along with everyone I ran around with, managed to stay away from the police...for a while. We were always picked up, eventually.

I'm sorry you're going through this and hope he's found soon....so you'll know he's safe (and locked up) AND because of the money.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

jewwells · 07-23-2008, 07:35 PM

I am new to this forum, but also have a son in hospital withdrawing from oxycontin. I feel for you. God bless

jewwells · 07-23-2008, 07:37 PM

Can anyone share what I can do after the 14 days in the hospital, to help my son overcome this demon????

Impurrfect · 07-23-2008, 07:59 PM

(((Jewwells))

Welcome to SR! Although you will get responses on this thread, you may want to start a thread of your own...just hit the "new thread" button on the top.

There are some wonderful moms here, going through or have been through where you are. Make yourself comfortable, read a lot of the posts and the "stickies" at the top of the forum...lots of good info there.

I'm glad you're here...hate the reason you are here, but as a recovering addict and a recovering codie (codependent) I don't know what I would do without the wonderful people here.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Spiritual Seeker · 07-24-2008, 12:12 AM

If someone spotted him, was it recently and do you know the neighborhood?
If he is living on the street he probably has figured out where the shelters are that provide free meals. When my son was in the city he stayed around a particular part of the city ( the worst part known for crack + H ) and ate at a shelter. I did go find him, but I had a lot of good clues. It took another 3 yrs. before he went into rehab.

Sending you good wishes as you navigate your way as the mom of an addict.

cmhcali · 07-24-2008, 11:46 AM

Maggie it was great speaking with you last night.. I hope you the best in your journey. My mom used to go look for my sister. For some reason my sister could spot her from a mile away if she was on the streets and would hide. She spent a lot of nights in abandoned houses. Shelters, crack houses, cars, parking lots.. It is really hard to say. It would definitely not be in a good part of town and if you asked anyone on the streets if they had seen your son none of them would have. They would all say I have never seen him. Addicts do not want to get involved in someone else's drama.

I will say many many prayers for you. As being the sibling of 2 addicts and the aunt of an addict it is not easy.

**BigSis** · 07-24-2008, 11:26 PM

Another mom, here.... sending loving hugs.

I am a country girl, so the idea of trying to find someone in Manhattan just makes my brain numb (however, I can find a kegger in the woods without a dog or a flashlight...smile).

What I know today, is that most addicts are far more wiley, sly and clever than they ever let mom know. After all - most relatives give and give and GIVE because we don't think they can do for themselves... so it works in their favor if we think they are helpless.

It is difficult and sometimes convoluted to make a drug deal - yet our addicts make deals like that daily or several times a week. Finding shelter and food is just another skill they develop... and most addicts are actually pretty darned bright.

Like the others, I hope you can get your $40k back - that is a huge chunk of money. And I pray your son's time can be soon. But what I DO know, is that nothing I did CAUSED the addiction...nothing I do can CONTROL the addiction and nothing I say or do will CURE the addiction.

Recovery is an inside job.... when the student is ready, the teach appears.

That is true for we codependents who love addicts, as well. Alanon saved my life, and continues to make it better every day.

Welcome to SR

outtolunch · 07-25-2008, 07:41 PM

That "someone" who saw him may be the key to locating him.

Be at the area shelters when they are serving a meal. If you spot him, call the Police and let them handle him.

Consider putting a reward out for him. If an addict is sick enough, they are likely to do what they need to do, to get well.

BBD · 07-26-2008, 10:47 AM

Hi Maggie~~Just wondering how your doing and if there has been any word on your son. Big hugs and tons of positive energy coming your way, Bonnie

07-23-2008, 02:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
maggie6 Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: New York Posts: 15	mom of an addict I am stricken with guilt over what I have to do. My 26 year old heroin addict who has been missing for a couple of months now has made his way to NYC . He is sleeping in alleys and street corners and sometimes staying with Dope dealers. Someone spotted him and said he looks really bad. i could imagine. He has a warrant out for him and his bail was taken away because he didnt show up for his court case. My dilemma. I signed the bail bond. Its 40.000.00. Now they want it back. They will come get him if i can produce him. I need to find him. At least I can save his life this way, but how do you find a drug addict in manhattan. Any suggestions? He has not contacted me at all.He must be really badly into right now. I have been working my program and doing the right things but when is he going to hit HIS bottom?

07-23-2008, 03:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
marle Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: East Tawas, MI Posts: 2,769	Sending you some hugs. My 22 year old daughter is also a heroin addict. She had to hit a pretty hard bottom but she is in recovery for today. I will say a prayer that the police find him soon. Hugs, Marle
	__________________ "If we all knew the answers, there would be no need for questions."

07-23-2008, 04:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
*hope213* Community Greeter Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: twilight zone,usa Posts: 3,196	i have no suggestion. i just want to let you know i care & i am saying a prayer for you & your son. my son also jumped bond but he got in more troube & was picked up. the woman that signed his bond did not have to pay anything. i hope you find him soon. welcome to S.R.& keep coming back.
	__________________ hope213 i can sum life up in 3 words....IT GOES ON!!!

07-23-2008, 06:27 PM	#7 (permalink)
Ann Sharing Our Light... Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 14,396	This mom of an addict understands your pain and I hope you can find him and salvage the bond money. He'd be safer in jail than where he is now. I'm sorry I don't know how you could find him, but will keep you both in my prayers. Hugs
	__________________ I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.~Og Mandino

07-23-2008, 07:07 PM	#8 (permalink)
Impurrfect Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Atlanta Posts: 4,261	((Maggie)) I agree with the above...let the police try to find him. I'm a recovering addict, and we're not easy to be found when we don't WANT to be found. I, along with everyone I ran around with, managed to stay away from the police...for a while. We were always picked up, eventually. I'm sorry you're going through this and hope he's found soon....so you'll know he's safe (and locked up) AND because of the money. Hugs and prayers! Amy
	__________________ "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer

07-23-2008, 02:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
rozied rozied Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: PA, USA Posts: 859	Oh Maggie it won't be easy to find him. First off where do you live? Manhatten is a really big place, I was born in the city & lived there till I was 7 then moved to Long Island. Did you try calling the NY City police & telling them all you know? It might help them to find him if you told them. You can then send them a picture of your son. You should not feel guilty. I am sure when you signed for him he promised not to run. You cannot absorb a loss of $40,000 at least I know I couldn't. Son or not that is expecting way too much.

07-23-2008, 04:19 PM	#5 (permalink)
rahsue remember to breathe Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: philadelphia pa Posts: 1,096	I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Finding someone in the city is pretty hard, you have to know where the addicts hang out. My 23 yr old son is a recovering heroin addict and one time I remember I wanted to go and find him (back when I didn't even know what a program was for me) I sat and thought where I would go if I didn't want to be found, and by the grace of God I found him on the first trip. I don't think it's a good idea to go out like I did, I could have been mugged or killed. I wish you the best. and good luck

07-23-2008, 04:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
BBD Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New York Posts: 385	maggie6~ I agree with "rozied".....I'd call the Manhattan Police Dept. and explain your situation. I have a great friend that lives in Manhattan and the last time I was there I met those guys. They are one of the best~~no kidding!! Hugs and good luck, Bonnie

07-23-2008, 07:35 PM	#9 (permalink)
jewwells Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: barrie ontario canada Posts: 2	I am new to this forum, but also have a son in hospital withdrawing from oxycontin. I feel for you. God bless

07-23-2008, 07:37 PM	#10 (permalink)
jewwells Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: barrie ontario canada Posts: 2	Can anyone share what I can do after the 14 days in the hospital, to help my son overcome this demon????

07-23-2008, 07:59 PM	#11 (permalink)
Impurrfect Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Atlanta Posts: 4,261	(((Jewwells)) Welcome to SR! Although you will get responses on this thread, you may want to start a thread of your own...just hit the "new thread" button on the top. There are some wonderful moms here, going through or have been through where you are. Make yourself comfortable, read a lot of the posts and the "stickies" at the top of the forum...lots of good info there. I'm glad you're here...hate the reason you are here, but as a recovering addict and a recovering codie (codependent) I don't know what I would do without the wonderful people here. Hugs and prayers! Amy
	__________________ "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer

07-24-2008, 12:12 AM	#12 (permalink)
Spiritual Seeker get it, give it, grow in it Join Date: May 2007 Location: Calif coast Posts: 2,030	If someone spotted him, was it recently and do you know the neighborhood? If he is living on the street he probably has figured out where the shelters are that provide free meals. When my son was in the city he stayed around a particular part of the city ( the worst part known for crack + H ) and ate at a shelter. I did go find him, but I had a lot of good clues. It took another 3 yrs. before he went into rehab. Sending you good wishes as you navigate your way as the mom of an addict.

07-24-2008, 11:46 AM	#13 (permalink)
cmhcali Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 309	Maggie it was great speaking with you last night.. I hope you the best in your journey. My mom used to go look for my sister. For some reason my sister could spot her from a mile away if she was on the streets and would hide. She spent a lot of nights in abandoned houses. Shelters, crack houses, cars, parking lots.. It is really hard to say. It would definitely not be in a good part of town and if you asked anyone on the streets if they had seen your son none of them would have. They would all say I have never seen him. Addicts do not want to get involved in someone else's drama. I will say many many prayers for you. As being the sibling of 2 addicts and the aunt of an addict it is not easy.
	__________________ Sober date: June 17, 2008

07-24-2008, 11:26 PM	#14 (permalink)
BigSis On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country! Posts: 3,156	Another mom, here.... sending loving hugs. I am a country girl, so the idea of trying to find someone in Manhattan just makes my brain numb (however, I can find a kegger in the woods without a dog or a flashlight...smile). What I know today, is that most addicts are far more wiley, sly and clever than they ever let mom know. After all - most relatives give and give and GIVE because we don't think they can do for themselves... so it works in their favor if we think they are helpless. It is difficult and sometimes convoluted to make a drug deal - yet our addicts make deals like that daily or several times a week. Finding shelter and food is just another skill they develop... and most addicts are actually pretty darned bright. Like the others, I hope you can get your $40k back - that is a huge chunk of money. And I pray your son's time can be soon. But what I DO know, is that nothing I did CAUSED the addiction...nothing I do can CONTROL the addiction and nothing I say or do will CURE the addiction. Recovery is an inside job.... when the student is ready, the teach appears. That is true for we codependents who love addicts, as well. Alanon saved my life, and continues to make it better every day. Welcome to SR
	__________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis

07-25-2008, 07:41 PM	#15 (permalink)
outtolunch Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Chicago area Posts: 222	That "someone" who saw him may be the key to locating him. Be at the area shelters when they are serving a meal. If you spot him, call the Police and let them handle him. Consider putting a reward out for him. If an addict is sick enough, they are likely to do what they need to do, to get well.

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07-26-2008, 10:47 AM	#16 (permalink)
BBD Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New York Posts: 385	Hi Maggie~~Just wondering how your doing and if there has been any word on your son. Big hugs and tons of positive energy coming your way, Bonnie

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