cookconfay

I love my children too, I have two daughters, one 22 and one 4. When I was in active addiction, she was fed, clean and taken care of, however I was emotionally not there for her. Eventually she went to live with her father.....BECAUSE OF MY ADDICTION/DISEASE, it was NOT an indication of whether or not that I loved my daughter, just how powerful my disease was. I strongly suggest to NEVER let those children be alone with him if you suspect at all there is drug usage or drinking going on, and certainly never let them go in the car with him. JMHO

I'm speaking of my oldest....I've been clean & sober for over 10 yrs now.....

bsfish

My AW's using sypmtoms were similar to what you said, lots of slurring, nodding, between periods of very high activity (except she wasnt cleanig, she just started a million things, then crashed and left them.
But as far as driving with the kids, I learned I didn't always know, when she rolled the car with our 3 and 4 yr old boys in it. Every one was OK, and it got her to rehab. But it could have been really bad. That was my experience, it can happen.

Callie

Thank you for all of your help. I so appreciate it.

FedupMama

I am in awe of how naive I really am. My ex-husband has even told me how naive I was and how I've grown up so much over the years, yet he continued to successfully keep a very secret life away from me that was filled with illegal activity and contact with many people that just by site a non-user would avoid like the plague! He still hasn't hit rock bottom so I'm not sure if he'll ever stop. As sad as that is, I cannot care about whether he can pull it together or not. My concern now is turned toward the safety and well being of my 8 yr old son who idolizes and adores his dad and I'm pretty sure covers and lies for his dad, too. What little knowledge I have gained about my ex's drug activity has come from the insight of my 14 year old daughter who had a near mental breakdown shortly after bringing the addiction to pills into the spotlight and opening my eyes to the reasons behind his sneaking around, his anger/moodiness (especially in the am), his sitting down and passing out slumped over in his chair, his raspy voice, his frequent unexplained bouts of illness that after a phone call he'd drag himself out of the house and return having made a miraculous recovery. I always acused him of fooling around on me with an unknown woman, and he of course told me I was crazy and jealous, insecure. Little did I know that what I needed to fear from what I was feeling in terms of faith was his betrayal through drug use! He has avoided legal discovery of his problems and continues to get away with using and having my son present despite dept of children's welfare being involved. We have experienced violent anger outbursts and disturbing behaviour (ie/a day to the beach and his friend took a live crab from my son's catch and ripped off a leg with his teeth then all the adults laughed about it as the creature attempted to crawl away afterwards...per my sons account of what happened). FYI we've been divorced for 4 years now and this has all come out in the last 1 year.
Does anyone know if there is a chance to obtain supervised visits without any documented evidential proof of his drug abusing (no DUI, no arrests for possession)? I need help in this area because he insists he's clean and sober then drives with my son and now is insisting he pick up and drop off my son, too. My daughter refuses to see her father....after 5 months of counselling she no longer hides in her room crying. She's happy, eats healthy, socializes with her friends instead of laying in bed watching tv and refusing to interract with others or binge eating or obsessive food choices. I fear what will happen to my boy. How can I go about getting this done? thank you for any helpful insight you may have. I want safe love for my boy....not no contact. thank you

Freedom1990

FedupMama, welcome to SR! You might get more responses to your post if you start a new thread and copy and paste what you have written here.

I am so glad you found us, and know that you are among friends.

Sending you hugs of support!

Impurrfect

(((FedupMama))) - welcome to SR!!! (((Freedom)) is right..maybe start a new thread of your own. You are not alone, and there is a wealth of ES&H (experience, strength and hope) here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

seekinganswrs

My husband used to be a cocaine addict, so his "legal" drug of choice are "Hydros" hydrocodone. I can never tell if he is on them or not. Honestly, the only cue I get is if he is playing his videogame. He has been on them for almost 5 years and when he is off of them, which is only when he abused his prescription and would have to go without for about a week or two between doc visits he wouldn't play the videogame. He is 36, and plays with our sons, but when he had 56 days clean he didn't really find any interest in playing. The biggest sign are the lies. Lies and money missing or unaccounted for. However, my AH never slurs, or looks messed up, he just seems normal. When he isn't on them he doesn't seem normal, which is sad because it just shows how dependent his body is on them.

hopeful0323

Callie,

when you mentioned about the gray skin color, it made me remember something. The other day i was going through pics of my kids and came across a pic of my exabf and our daughter on her first birthday (about 7 months ago). He looks horrible in this picture: gray skin color, dark circles under the eyes, etc. How could I have not known what was going on? I showed him this pic in one of his sober moments and he cried at the fact that this is the memory our daughter's mother (me) will have of her baby's 1st birthday.

Hylandjm07

This is my first time writing on here.. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and have seen him through a lot of changes throughout the years.
Some of the signs that I have noticed with him were a little different but a lot of the same as a lot of people have mentioned.
He would obviously have the pin point eyes (which is sometimes hard to decipher between heroine use and jus his suboxone), redness under his eyes and hisnose woud be red , he used to have a loss of appetite and be very skinny, itching like crazy (especially when he was sleeping bc I think he would think I wouldn't notice), track marks, hyperness until he would sit downaand then he would get sleepy, he would also stare out zombielike such was mentioned but also with his mouth agap.
When he was withdrawing there would be a lot of nausea, moodiness, and sweating.
I would like to say that he is all better... But that is not the case... Although much better than when I was first with him.
I just hope that this will help someone in the future. Although I was going to nursing school when he was the worst, I didn't know or maybe want to admit I knew the signs.
Good luck to ll of you that are dealing with a loved one (family member, friend, or significant other) that is going through addiction. It is a hard long road of recovery for not only them, but you as well.
I really hope that this will help someone.

broken101

does the nose run when dope sick all the time? and what about huge pupil insted of tiny ones? and what about yellowing of the lips are those signs?

EnglishGarden

Callie's story is from 2008, I remember following it very closely. I just want to add the postscript that her story continued here on SR for many months and that her AH was in fact using and it took her quite a while to believe it. He was such a good liar. If I remember the story correctly, she was not absolutely certain until he was arrested.

She knew, just as so many here know. But the addict was very very good with the smoke and mirrors. Still, it all caught up with him.

It is often said here, and needs repeating: respect your intuition.

meadowsis

Even though this is an older thread, it helped me a lot when I first came to SR a year ago and was searching for info. It gave more credit to my gut feelings about my AB. He was smart, he kept his times around me short and infrequent, so I had a hard time deciphering his behavior versus maybe mental health issues. Turns out it was heroin for him, pain pills prior to that.

But like englishgarden said, should have trusted my intuition. It probably wouldn't have changed how things transpired, but at least it would have shortened the battles in my mind faster (or maybe I would have sought help for myself sooner).

lightseeker

Like English Garden, I remember Callie's story too and her journey to discovering the truth. The whole story was a testimony to trusting your gut feeling. Callie really worked for things to be different and for them not to turn out the way that they did.

I think that if I was beginning on this path I would want to follow some of her postings from the past in order so see the path of how things went for her.

I do think of her and wonder how she is doing. I hope that she and the kids are doing well.

LoveMeNow

I spent several nights reading Callie's story, all her posts and updates. It was heartbreaking to read how her husband's addiction had progressed so much and yet how easy it was for him to hide it for so long.

I often wonder how she is doing and wished she would come back and share her ESH. She tried so hard to "hang on." I pray she has found happiness and healing. I pray her ex has found his way as well.

BlessedFTCCOLO

Thank you for reminding me of this...



-Just remember, an addict will deny using til the end of time if they don't want help. And also, you have done nothing to cause this. No matter what the person says. None of this is your fault. We addicts are very good liars, and we can turn the finger pointing on you in a heartbeat, try to blame you for us using. You are not to blame.-

Take care of you,
Judy [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/QUOTE]

Stucco

One of the boundaries I often see stated is not living with someone who uses drugs. I think this boundary leads to this question - "how do you know?". It leads to snooping or drug testing or other unhealthy behaviors. A better boundary might be "I won't live with someone I don't trust".

MLJ88

I so feel for you Callie. My AH has been an opiate addict for 10 years, amongst other types of pills too. I too like to know the signs, bc mine tries to get help and tells me he has it under control- I like to see for myself that he whether or not he has it under control. We have a 2 yr old together- that adores his father. My AH works, makes money etc, so hes what I call a functioning addict. Which makes it easy for us to be blinded by the lies when he functions in society. I'm also pregnant with our second child- I'm kinda scared of this, but this child was not at all planned so I tell myself that god has a plan for us and gave me this baby for a reason.

As far as the signs- for my AH- super hyper, staying up super late on computer, watching tv, etc. nodding off- when the drugs start to wear off. Pale skin, weight loss, tiny pupils. Irritable, moody, jumpy. I've gotten so good at seeing the signs that I no longer even ask- I don't care to hear him lie.

cheekie

Small pupils. I try not to look him in the eye...I guess that's the codie denial...eats tons of skittles and other candy. Drinks calories, coffee drinks, muscle milk etc. Allergies when not allergy time. Foot shuffling. Cleaning, or rather pile straightening- nothing ever gets tossed. Bitched about not his mess. Its his mess. Man cave-o-rama.wears headphones...puke...etc...sorry. this blows.

Turninganewleaf

How do you know someone in your household is using opiates? When the valuables around seem to have legs and start disappearing at an alarming rate.

DesertArizona

There is this kind of "accent" where you speak from the back of your throat, or like if you were tightening your stomach muscles. Scratching the nose is also a very specifc, common symptom. Eating sweets is another big one. Opiates make people craving sweet foods. Smoking a cigarette is also a way to tell, though not every time. Its more of another strike if you already suspect they're using.