Relapse already!? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Yesterdaysnumb · 05-08-2008, 08:44 AM

Should I be pissed that my husband relapsed after one freakin' day out of rehab??!!! UGH!

I paid 400 dollars for him to go and he gets out and has a beer after only one day of freedom. Everybody keeps saying, "Oh, he's not perfect. Relapse is a part of recovery!!" (excuse my language) SCREW THAT! I'm pissed that he didn't even try to use his sponsor or his techniques that AA and NA taught him. What's the freakin' point.

Thanks for the vent.

anvilhead · 05-08-2008, 08:45 AM

well, now that YOU have given YOUR best effort for HIS recovery and you've seen quite clearly how much effort HE is willing to put in..........what have you learned?

Yesterdaysnumb · 05-08-2008, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anvilhead

well, now that YOU have given YOUR best effort for HIS recovery and you've seen quite clearly how much effort HE is willing to put in..........what have you learned?

Screw him! That's what I learned. If he wants to live this life... he will live it alone. Because I'll be damned if I bend over backwards again to end up like this!

caileesnana · 05-08-2008, 09:07 AM

Relapse is part of recovery, but some (like my AD) use it as a crutch...it's gonna happen anyway.

I understand your feelings, bottom line I learned over many years and many $$$ is, if they don't want help, we can't want it or do enough!

Their life to ruin, not ours!
susan

Yesterdaysnumb · 05-08-2008, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caileesnana

Relapse is part of recovery, but some (like my AD) use it as a crutch...it's gonna happen anyway.

I understand your feelings, bottom line I learned over many years and many $$$ is, if they don't want help, we can't want it or do enough!

Their life to ruin, not ours!
susan

I honestly want to be your smiley right now. If I wouldn't go to jail... I would beat him with that freakin' pan!!

laurie6781 · 05-08-2008, 09:25 AM

NO, relapse isn't necessarily part of recovery. It is part of recovery for those that haven't made that final commitment to recovery, or haven't had it made for them (like I did, dieing was a great motivator).

Now, hopefully you have fulfilled whatever obligation or need you had to help him and can get on with the business of helping yourself. Sounds like your AH has a ways to go yet.

So............................what are you going to do for you? Do you think now it will be easier to set boundaries and stick to them?

Now it's time to find some peace and serenity for YOU.

Keep venting, you know we understand. Keep letting us know how you are doing, you know we do care very much!

You will get through this, it just takes time.

Love and hugs,

hello-kitty · 05-08-2008, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Relapse is part of recovery,

Relapse is part of addiction. People who are truly committed to recovery don't relapse they day they get out of rehab. I wouldn't even call it a relapse. I'd call it continuing where you left off the day you went to rehab. Some (a lot) of addicts use rehab as a p0lace to build up strength before they go out on their next binge....

Freedom1990 · 05-08-2008, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hello-kitty

Relapse is part of addiction. People who are truly committed to recovery don't relapse they day they get out of rehab. I wouldn't even call it a relapse. I'd call it continuing where you left off the day you went to rehab. Some (a lot) of addicts use rehab as a p0lace to build up strength before they go out on their next binge....

Thank you for this response, and I couldn't agree more!

I've met plenty of addicts who are 'rehab savvy', and know just enough to be dangerous and do their time in rehab, while never having the intention to stay clean.

We had one who was buried here a couple of years ago. She had been through 12 rehabs, and finally died at the age of 49. Her parents literally loved her to death, sadly enough.

Japic05 · 05-08-2008, 11:12 AM

((yesterdaysnumb))

I hate that you are experiencing such a painful time with your husband - it is very heartbreaking - if you are anything like me, when my loved ones relapsed - it was almost like going thru the stages of grief.
denial
anger (totally pissed off, ready to beat the ever lovin crap out of you anger)
emptiness
sadness
reality that something has to change

Yes, many A's do relapse - but the main thing that I have learned is that I do not have to relapse with them. I can continue my path of recovery, continue my spiritual growth and healing. I can continue to focus my endeavors to learning to live Happy, Joyous and Free regardless of their actions - somehow, someway - One Day at a Time.

Keep coming back - Don't give up before the miracles happen in YOU - You deserve them.

Rita

ihatethis · 05-08-2008, 02:59 PM

You have every right in the world to be pissed. However the rage can wear off, and although it can get you through some tough times (I find it a comfortable secondary emotion) the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. So beware of that one... it's gotten me more than once.

I've been reading your posts. I've wanted to hear some good news and all I seem get is relapse...Good luck in your recovery. We're all in this together, right?

chiynita · 05-08-2008, 04:43 PM

Cant add much more except...When I heard that relapse was a part of recovery. I took that and ran with it.
For me it was a free ticket to mess up.
But like said. It ISNT ALWAYS a part of recovery.
EVeryone is different.
Some never relapse again.
Some relapse and thats what it takes for them to never use again.
But then there are some that just relapse over and over again. SOmetimes with the best intentions. Some not.
But you dont have to go through it with them.

NoelleR · 05-08-2008, 05:40 PM

I'm with Laurie6781 and hello-kitty on this one......relapse is NEVER a part of Recovery; relapse is a part of the disease, a part of addiction.

....and like chiynita said, she heard that phrase (relapse is a part of recovery) and she ran with it.........This is why I usually say that that phrase is not only wrong, it can be dangerous.....thankfully, you made it back, chi..... (o: ... so many do not.....

NoelkleR

Yesterdaysnumb · 05-09-2008, 07:45 AM

Thanks everybody! I really appreciate the support. Glad to say, I'm still sticking to my guns and I'm really REALLY working on myself and bringing my relationship back with Christ. I'm praying through this!!

Japic05 · 05-09-2008, 09:58 AM

keep taking good care of YOU!!!

05-08-2008, 08:44 AM	#1 (permalink)
Yesterdaysnumb Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 76	Relapse already!? Should I be pissed that my husband relapsed after one freakin' day out of rehab??!!! UGH! I paid 400 dollars for him to go and he gets out and has a beer after only one day of freedom. Everybody keeps saying, "Oh, he's not perfect. Relapse is a part of recovery!!" (excuse my language) SCREW THAT! I'm pissed that he didn't even try to use his sponsor or his techniques that AA and NA taught him. What's the freakin' point. Thanks for the vent.
Yesterdaysnumb Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 76	__________________ "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places..." Ephesians 6:12

05-08-2008, 09:25 AM	#6 (permalink)
laurie6781 Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: New Mexico Posts: 1,638	NO, relapse isn't necessarily part of recovery. It is part of recovery for those that haven't made that final commitment to recovery, or haven't had it made for them (like I did, dieing was a great motivator). Now, hopefully you have fulfilled whatever obligation or need you had to help him and can get on with the business of helping yourself. Sounds like your AH has a ways to go yet. So............................what are you going to do for you? Do you think now it will be easier to set boundaries and stick to them? Now it's time to find some peace and serenity for YOU. Keep venting, you know we understand. Keep letting us know how you are doing, you know we do care very much! You will get through this, it just takes time. Love and hugs,
	__________________ God Bless You All As You Trudge The Road Of Happy Destiny (especially when you trudgin thru alligators up to your butt)

05-08-2008, 11:12 AM	#9 (permalink)
Japic05 I have a no no & will use it Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,210	((yesterdaysnumb)) I hate that you are experiencing such a painful time with your husband - it is very heartbreaking - if you are anything like me, when my loved ones relapsed - it was almost like going thru the stages of grief. denial anger (totally pissed off, ready to beat the ever lovin crap out of you anger) emptiness sadness reality that something has to change Yes, many A's do relapse - but the main thing that I have learned is that I do not have to relapse with them. I can continue my path of recovery, continue my spiritual growth and healing. I can continue to focus my endeavors to learning to live Happy, Joyous and Free regardless of their actions - somehow, someway - One Day at a Time. Keep coming back - Don't give up before the miracles happen in YOU - You deserve them. Rita
	__________________ HP, if my prayer limits Your will and Your plan for my life, please disregard my request. Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. Courage to Change pg 346

05-08-2008, 02:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
ihatethis Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ontario Canada Posts: 61	You have every right in the world to be pissed. However the rage can wear off, and although it can get you through some tough times (I find it a comfortable secondary emotion) the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. So beware of that one... it's gotten me more than once. I've been reading your posts. I've wanted to hear some good news and all I seem get is relapse...Good luck in your recovery. We're all in this together, right?
	__________________ Pain in the present is experienced as hurt. Pain in the past, is remembered as anger. Pain in the future, is perceived as anxiety. The depletion of energy that occurs when anger is redirected inward creates depression.

05-08-2008, 04:43 PM	#11 (permalink)
chiynita My Heart Is With The Ocean Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Clifton Park Posts: 4,385	Cant add much more except...When I heard that relapse was a part of recovery. I took that and ran with it. For me it was a free ticket to mess up. But like said. It ISNT ALWAYS a part of recovery. EVeryone is different. Some never relapse again. Some relapse and thats what it takes for them to never use again. But then there are some that just relapse over and over again. SOmetimes with the best intentions. Some not. But you dont have to go through it with them.
	__________________ "True Failure...Is When We Stop Trying." "When we long for a life without difficulty. Remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."

05-08-2008, 08:45 AM	#2 (permalink)
anvilhead cheerfully retired Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 6,629	well, now that YOU have given YOUR best effort for HIS recovery and you've seen quite clearly how much effort HE is willing to put in..........what have you learned?

05-08-2008, 09:07 AM	#4 (permalink)
caileesnana Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: dallas texas Posts: 1,485	Relapse is part of recovery, but some (like my AD) use it as a crutch...it's gonna happen anyway. I understand your feelings, bottom line I learned over many years and many $$$ is, if they don't want help, we can't want it or do enough! Their life to ruin, not ours! susan

05-08-2008, 05:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
NoelleR Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 473	I'm with Laurie6781 and hello-kitty on this one......relapse is NEVER a part of Recovery; relapse is a part of the disease, a part of addiction. ....and like chiynita said, she heard that phrase (relapse is a part of recovery) and she ran with it.........This is why I usually say that that phrase is not only wrong, it can be dangerous.....thankfully, you made it back, chi..... (o: ... so many do not..... NoelkleR

05-09-2008, 07:45 AM	#13 (permalink)
Yesterdaysnumb Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 76	Thanks everybody! I really appreciate the support. Glad to say, I'm still sticking to my guns and I'm really REALLY working on myself and bringing my relationship back with Christ. I'm praying through this!!
Yesterdaysnumb Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 76	__________________ "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places..." Ephesians 6:12

05-09-2008, 09:58 AM	#14 (permalink)
Japic05 I have a no no & will use it Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,210	keep taking good care of YOU!!!
	__________________ HP, if my prayer limits Your will and Your plan for my life, please disregard my request. Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. Courage to Change pg 346

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