Loved Ones In Prison - Part 2

[Ann]

This thread shares the experiences, support and hope of those who have loved ones in prison.

Part 1 can be accessed by clicking the link below:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...es-prison.html (Loved Ones in Prison)

[Babs]

I just couldn't let go of this thread.....

I did SO much growing here. I hope to grow still more. Welcome to the next chapter.

MWAH
Babs

[dakotaboyd]

its been a while since ive done too much posting as Pip and I both got back on the drugs for a spell, so I havent had too much to say as you would all understand.
I have also not had too much access to a computor as it has not been of importance in our activities.
When I have tried a few times to post, everything I have written has been of a negative nature so I have discarded it. I have done this quite a few times!
In sort, if that is at all possable for me, Pip and I are somewhat back on track although our meagre savings have taken a bash we have gotten out with minimum damage. We dont have to do too much repair outside of ourselves as we had a few bucks and didnt have to use resorses beyond spending what we had saved. Thank #### for that.
I am not quite sure what went wrong I have not gotten that far yet as the main priority has been to stabalise both Pip and myself. Pip has got back onto the suboxone programme where as I Just stopped useing. Not quite as simple as that.
Everthing, for now, is back within our control.
I felt an explanation for my absence would be appropriate and appologise for not being more forthcoming......but who reaches out when they actually need help!!!!!!
dakotaboyd.

[Japic05]

Well I don't think I posted on the original thread, but I guess I may need to join this group as well as all the other groups that I qualify as a member (lol)

Our oldest daughter, Ash, she's 30 yrs old - I have posted about her on some other threads & forums - she was released from jail - finally had all the "legal issues" resolved, credit for time served (4 months) 2 yrs probation, blah, blah, blah - Boyfriend took her back, he had already completed counseling, she has gone to counseling while incarcerated. She was a stay at home mom with her 7 month old precious son - while 2 other people are raising her other 2 children.

But the disease called her back - less than a month out of jail, she was taking pills again, and then last week she was arrested again for theft.

so don't know if she is still in jail or what - we haven't heard from her, boyfriend changed all his numbers (good for him) and here we are - again.

I'm just taking care of me - O D A T

Know it's not about me - it's about her & her disease. But I do have to say that even tho I did expect her to relapse I didn't think it would happen less than a month out of jail - I though she might even make it close to 2 or 3 months - But the Progression is fast and furious.

Her HP is in control of her life.

Gotta let my HP control mine.

Thanks for letting me share,
Rita

[cmc]

dakota...
Thank you for your honesty and for entrusting us with your personal issues. I know what you mean about not wanting to post things of a negative nature. I can tend to do that myself. I was very used to sharing about my AS here...but when my AH had a slip this past year...it was so painful at first that I couldn't share.

For me dealing with a spouse was much more painful, and yet the slip with his RX substances was very brief, barely a blip on the radar screen compared to the over ten years of AS' active addiction dealing with police, jails, lawyers, angry neighbors etc etc etc.

The bad thing about a relapse needs no explaining.
The good thing about a relapse is when it's over and it's time to start anew. The best thing about a relapse is the lesson learned.

I don't judge you or Pip for what has happened...aside from feeling badly that you've had a rough go of it. It's good to know you're back on track and I wish you both all the best...and for your whole family as well.

One of the best things for me about recovery is that in my meetings and when I come here to SR, I have the freedom to share the whole story if I need to. I also have the freedom to say 'pass' if for awhile I need that. I usually end up sharing it all anyway but in my own time frame.

I certainly wouldn't want to nudge you to share when or if you aren't comfortable, but please remember that this is a safe place if you choose to take advantage of it. You already know that, but isn't it nice to be reminded?

take care!

[Babs]

First off, welcome back, Dakota. We have missed you.

When you stopped posting, I sent a lot of positive energy to you and Pip and to your boys. I think we all have learned how many battles there are in this war, and I am so grateful that you all came through this recent skirmish relatively unscathed.

I am also grateful that you trust us enough to share the truth. We have always shared so intimately here in this thread, never judging, just caring deeply. I guess that is why I have always found so much healing here. God knows, you all carried me through some very dark days....

CMC, it is good to see your avatar back on this thread. I have missed you, too. I always have valued your wisdom and your peace....it always reads through in your posts.

Rita, welcome aboard. This is not an easy place to be.....having loved ones in prison is exquisitely painful, but sharing pain is pain divided, and that is what we do here.

I love you guys,
Babs

[hello-kitty]

Hi all. Glad to see the thread continuing. My ex's bail was revoked yesterday and the bounty hunters went and picked him up somewhere and put him back in jail. According to his mom, his new drug of choice is smoking meth. And it's made him very violent and psychotic. He tried to kill his friend who bailed him out by running him over so his buddy revoked the bail. Good place for him. But what a tragic waste of life. Even though the guy is so totally f--ed up and has screwed me over so many times, I still wish he could be good father to his son. And now I have to tell his son that daddy went away again and didn't say goodbye.

[Babs]

Kitty, meth is the worst. It eats their souls. Thank God he is in jail. Maybe they got him before he could do irreparable damage....to himself, to you or to his son.

The rocking chair is warmed up and ready to give comfort. It is going to be okay, Girlfriend. He will do what he will do. Protect yourself and that baby and climb up for some serious sympathy. Rock, rock, rock!

Dakota, are you okay? I mean really okay? (I want to ask you a million questions, but I know it is totally none of my business.) Just please know that we are here for you as you were always there for us.

MWAH
Babs

[dakotaboyd]

Babs I am always an open book with you mate and yes we are really OK. A little brused but OK.

[rayofsunshine]

Originally Posted by cmc

The bad thing about a relapse needs no explaining.
The good thing about a relapse is when it's over and it's time to start anew. The best thing about a relapse is the lesson learned.

Thanks CMC...

It's so good to see you here again, Dakota. We have missed you!
There's no judgement here, Dakota, just so glad you are reaching out
for support. You have overcome so much, and I know you've got it in
you to overcome this. Forgive yourself, and keep doing the next right thing.
I'm sorry you and Pip have had this rough patch, but brighter days are ahead.

I'd thought I'd give an update since I haven't posted in awhile, either.
My H got out of prison in Jan. (He was in almost 2 yrs.) It has been
quite an adjustment for both of us. The first two months were great.
Then he slipped up once. Kitty, his DOC is meth, also. The mood swings
paranoia, etc. about 3 days later were really horrible. He wasn't violent, but
many hurtful things were said. The trust was gone after that. I slipped
back into my co-dependent ways, nit-picking every thing he did or said,
questioning everything. It was driving both of us crazy. I finally realized
my part in the craziness, and am working to change. Our home should be
peaceful and loving, and I'm trying to make it that way. For him, he doesn't
want to go back to using every day and get sent back to prison. I believe
him, and hope the relapse will give him strength and serve as a reminder of
the lifestyle he doesn't want anymore. Time will tell, but just for today, I
choose to "Let go and Let God". I don't want to micro-manage his life anymore. His choices are up to him, I have to keep remembering that!

Welcome to our thread, Rita & Mariel. Good to see you CMC & Babs & Momsrainbow! Anyone else want to check in or share their story about a loved one in prison? Cindi, how are you?

[Japic05]

Thanks Ray for the welcome

No word on our daughter - I guess I could call the Jail to see if she's still in, or call the boyfriend to see if he let her come back home, or call _____ or _____ or ______ - you get the picture huh?

But I guess I'll find out what I need to know when I need to know it and probably without any action on my part. my HP will let me know.

Had a few dreams about her older two children the last few days - I'm sure they are just fine - I do miss them - and some day the situation will change and prayerfully I'll be able to see them more often.

Praying for all of you and your situations,
Rita

[cmc]

Thanks for the replies and it's nice to be missed! I had some problems with my serenity yesterday and realized that even 'after the fact'....I still have some things to work out regarding how I feel about my son's time in jail.

Of all the many things I may have feared or worried about, having a loved one in jail or prison never crossed my mind until it happened. Denial is a powerful thing and I was oblivious. When he was there, I just went through the motions and just now am feeling the e -motions.

He's doing so well now and I couldn't figure out that why I was feeling so badly was because I am really-really-really realizing just how much things have turned around. So many extreme/painful/traumatic events happened within less than a years time.

Almost one year ago, my son was in jail. I had become so used to meeting him there, seeing him in chains, attending classes there before our visits, undergoing security checks, tearful hellos, sad but grateful goodbyes, crying in the car on the way home...etc, etc.

All that's over now and my program requires that I spend my energy on the present...yet I feel that I am facing some very important issues and seeing them in the light of recovery.

Alot of this 'how it was' vs 'how it is' fills me with sheer gratitude. My son didn't get proper medical care while in jail and this week he will be having an operation that needed to be done well before he was ever incarcerated. His surgery is scheduled for this Wednesday.

As I've shared before, I'm still healing from all the wreckage of the past, things done by others and things allowed or done by myself. I can only do this One Day At A Time. For me to just move on to the next thing and not take in the lessons learned would be such a waste. I won't stay in the past but just take what I need and then let it go.

I can recover from all that has happened, but it's not easy. I plan to do alot of journaling on the pc, save it and re-read it a few times before I finally erase it all. My HP, meetings, contact with peolple who work a program of recovery and coming here keep me on an even keel.

I'm not here on this thread very often, but I love and appreciate you all so very much.

Thanks to all for sharing your stories, struggles and recovery!!

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by Japic05

Our oldest daughter, Ash, she's 30 yrs old - I have posted about her on some other threads & forums - she was released from jail - finally had all the "legal issues" resolved, credit for time served (4 months) 2 yrs probation, blah, blah, blah - Boyfriend took her back, he had already completed counseling, she has gone to counseling while incarcerated. She was a stay at home mom with her 7 month old precious son - while 2 other people are raising her other 2 children.

But the disease called her back - less than a month out of jail, she was taking pills again, and then last week she was arrested again for theft.

Rita, my heart went out to you as I read this. I too have a 30 year old daughter, currently being investigated by social services for providing alcohol and prescription drugs to minors. She lost custody of her own children a couple of years ago when she overdosed in front of them.

She has done more jail time than I care to remember, and the last time she was in, I thought long and hard about going to see her.

I decided I needed to do it for me, not her.

She smirked the entire 30 minutes on the other side of the glass, she has no problem with alcohol/drugs, and I walked out of there with a sense of closure. I have let go and let God.

She will most likely be facing penitentiary time next time around, and not the quaint little jail she's done her last two stays at.

God has a plan for her, and I'm going to let him have at it while I stay out of the way.

Sending you warm hugs on the Kansas winds!

[Life Change]

I haven’t been on here a lot lately. I just wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing. I am glad to see you back Dakota and your open honest sharing is very good for me. I have been out of prison now for about 2 months and still have the same job I had for the last 10 months when I was on work release. It was kinda weird at first just being around ‘normal’ people again, but it is feeling pretty good now. I have been going to meeting several times a week and also Church 2 times a week. Still taking small steps in the right direction and putting into practice what I have been able to learn while incarcerated. I feel blessed and thankful to be able to read and share with you on here, and I really like the face to face meetings! I will keep all of you in my prayers and hope the best for you all. Thanks, SEAN