Loved Ones In Prison - Part 2 - Page 3 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

rayofsunshine · 05-31-2008, 12:26 PM

Hi Sadness, Hello-Kitty & Babs! Glad to hear from each of you. Short on time at the moment, will post later!

Japic05 · 06-03-2008, 10:25 AM

update on our AD - Ash.

saw her bf & the little one in Wal-Mart this wkend- she should be released today - sentenced to outpatient rehab for 18 month program. According to BF if she fails 1 drug test she goes back to jail to serve full sentence (no idea what her sentence was)

he agreed to let her come back home. I could see the stressed look on his face already. I mentioned our f2f meetings again. Offered to watch the baby, go to meetings with him and offer some literature. Told him how it helps me deal with things and that it would help them especially if she does stay true to a program. He said maybe.

I have no expectations, only sadness. I have read on here to much about recent losses of adult children, we just lost a member of our recovery family that had struggled in the last few yrs with his sobriety - so it just reminds me of how much I have to keep working on me.

hello-kitty · 06-09-2008, 11:11 AM

My ex was sentenced on Friday to 14 months. With time served and good behavior he will be out in November. He asked for inpatient rehab but the judge did not give it to him. Of course my ex was all positive and full of promises about how this time things were different. If I had a nickel for everytime he said that...

So I have known him about 4-5 years. And in that time he has been arrested 6 times, and spent more than 2 1/2 years in jail / prison. I think it's going to take a much longer sentence to get him to change. 14 months just doesn't seem to affect him all that much. It's just enough to get him healthy and recharged so that he can go out and kill himself with dope.

The next time he gets out and uses again I swear he will never again have contact with his son (until Andrew is 18 and can make his own choices). I will not talk to him again. I am ready to draw that boundary.I can't watch the train wreck anymore.

Other than that things are good with me. Just started a new job. Going on vacation in a couple weeks - spending three weeks in Ireland.

Everyone please check in and let us know how things are going for you.

Japic05 · 06-09-2008, 11:31 AM

Have no idea if Ash got out last week or not - no contact from her or her BF. It's a week & 1/2 til her middle daughter's bday - I wonder if any one will let us know about her bday party.

probably not.

sadness123 · 06-09-2008, 10:14 PM

Hello everyone. Just checking in. My dad is transferring prisons. He is going to one for psyhcoatics. [bad spelling] They have the medicene there for him. They said he will never be able to live a normal life again without medication. He is suppose to be getting out in August I think. Because the program is 90 days and it will take 2-6 weeks to get transferred. He is in the hole waiting to be transfered and he cant use the phone. He can only write letters.

dogged · 06-10-2008, 07:07 AM

wel an update on my situation..i talk to my ex crack addict ocassionally from prison he gets out here a few months, but we are over...i think we should have a thread of what viruses a person catches from our loved ones!!! i went to the dr. the other day because i kept getting yeast infections and so on, ihavent been with anyone since my ex boyfriend and we were together for almost 3 yrs, and now i found out i have herpes!!! i am so pissed..my life is ruined, got rid of the boyfriend but who is going to want me now???? its devastating..thinking i can never be close to anyone again?? not to mention the stigma attached to this virus..?? not to mention the embarressment of having to tell others if i do get into a relationship again?? i dont think i can do it..he gave me a life sentence of pain and misery..he made sure i could never be with anyone aelse again!!! i havent told him cuz i need more time than 15 min on a phone...i dont know if he knew or not... i am so depressed..no one is going to want to be with me now , and i know i was clean before, i had tests every so often just to make sure i was clean.. i think it would be beneficial to start a thread on the medical issues that one can catch when being involved with an addict..

dogged · 06-10-2008, 07:29 AM

please dont beleive them when they say they havent been sleeping around, and or even if they havent with while they were with you..the risks are still high of previus relationships who they may have been with.. and when you you ask for a std check make sure they check for herpes cuz they dont do that one unless asked??? man i wish i had never met him..make sure they get checked before oyu have relations with them, always wear a condom, but thats no guarantee that you wont still get it....its embarressing to even write this but i want to make sure others know the risks, i would hate to see anyone else go through this..or to spread it..no knowing..and if you get tested make sure they have them check if its tye 1 or 2, that determines how often you may have outbreaks..

dogged · 06-12-2008, 09:18 PM

wow i cant believe no one has responded to this..no one has been in this situation?? ok i guess this has not happened to anyone else, or they just dont put it out there. anyways it doesnt really matter ...i guess its something no one wants to think about, which i dont blame them, i certanly didnt... but life goes on as usual doesnt it..

Life Change · 06-13-2008, 05:49 AM

just wanted to say hi to everyone! things are going weel and just keep moving forward as i can. i will check in more soon. hope things are well.

DOGGED oh it has happend to many others, i can asure you of that! there are people out there that understand what you are feeling. there are alot of unanswered questions and anger that you get over something like this when it happens. there are people out there that will still love you and want to be with you, and you are right....you do have to tell others about what is going on with you, and it will be awkward, but it will be releiving as well. just hang in there and pray.

check back in here later when i have more time

kay1234 · 06-13-2008, 06:01 AM

DOGGED....it has not happen to me personally but it did happen to a dear friend of mine...her so called "faithfull" husband gave it to her. But, she is doing just fine. You have every right to be angry I sure would, but YOU did nothing wrong.

Japic05 · 06-13-2008, 07:10 AM

Dogged

Hate so much to hear about this for you - there is just no bounds to how this disease affects us.

Like others have said - please remember it is not your fault, you did nothing wrong and please, please take good care of you - emotionally and physically.

HUGS & prayers for you,
Rita

rayofsunshine · 06-14-2008, 07:37 AM

Japic, you are such an good example to me of "Let Go and Let God". I try, but I still have issues where I want to control things that are out of my control. Gotta keep working on me too! Sending prayers for your daughter.

Hi Sadness, good to hear from you! Glad you hear from your dad. Prayers the program and medication will work for him. How are you doing? Any fun plans this summer now that schools out?

Hello-Kitty, Hope you have a wonderful time vacationing in Ireland. Your post is a good reminder to me that I need to keep the boundaries *I* make. You seem to really enforce the boundaries you make, and I needed the reminder. Boundaries are no good if you don't follow through.

Dogged, Thanks for the reminder about STDs and the need to be careful and the need to be checked. I'm sorry you turned out positive for herpes. As others have said, it's not your fault, but it is something you'll have to live with now. I hope someone will post or pm you that has had this experience and can give you support. If not, post a new thread about it, so you can find encouragement.

Lifechange, good to hear things are going good for you. Keep doing the next right thing. BTW, there's a good post in the Christians forum here from Toad called "My Garden" you may enjoy reading.

Well my update is not happy. I've been doing a lot of reading but not posting because I am struggling with AH using again and I feel so weak. My strength and resolve to not live this way waffles day to day.

dogged · 06-14-2008, 09:06 AM

thanks everyone, thier os so much i didnt know about this virus,,its common in men to lay dormant for years(and women) not as likely and they have no idea they have it and pass it on?? for women it can start as having lots of yeast infections, bladder infections,,and thats it for symptoms..(until later when it decides to rear its outbreaks) there is so much i am learnign about this virus its amazing how many people are affected 1 out of 4 women 1-5 men.. and they dont test for it unless asked specifically,which is beyond me? thier are 2 tests..you want the one where they draw blood for sure igg test? i think its called that will tell you which type you have 1 or 2.. man its been a nightmare, but i appreciate the support thank you...

Japic05 · 06-17-2008, 05:46 AM

We went to J's t-ball game (that's our AD's oldest son) - we haven't seen him since Christmas - He was very excited to see us. As we know most 6 yr olds don't like pictures - but he gladly took a picture with us!!

The game was stopped because of a SW Louisiana Thunderstorm - but we are going back to see another game on Wednesday.

He's other grandfather was at the game too (AD's step-dad) and as typical he is nice to everyone face to face, but as soon as he could he asked J if he wanted to get something to eat and play at McDonalds.

I'm so thankful for recovery - cause today I know that the other grandfather is all about control and insecurity. He feels threatened and must control situations. He needed that reassurance from J that he was still loved. What a sad, hurting man he must be.

For me, I know that those precious little ones have so much love that no one has to be
"#1" - there is enough for all of us. It is not a competition. No one has to be the best.

Live & Let Live - I am grateful that we had time with him, grateful that my AH was sober and sane; grateful that J's Dad encourages us to participate in his activities, that J's has a wonderful step-mom that loves him unconditionally, and grateful that by God's Grace we should be able to see him again on Wednesday.

Ain't God good?

sadness123 · 06-18-2008, 08:47 PM

They transferred my dad. But they ended up transferring him to the wrong prison. So he is awaiting to be transferred again.
You hear about people escaping prison and you wonder why. Then you hear stories like that and you know why. Prisons should be more organized especially when housing medium-high security level inmates.
Well thats my update for now because I have missed my dad's last two phone calls.

Japic05 · 06-19-2008, 07:18 AM

sadness -
I agree with that about the correctional system.

Our AD was released yesterday - she DID call me - so that was good. But she was not suppose to be released. She went thru drug court and was suppose to be held until a bed was open at a treatment facility.

Her sentence is for inpatient treatment, then outpatient follow-up with counseling, wkly drug test, NA meetings, for 18 months. One mess up and she goes to prison for 5 yrs.

Not sure when a bed will be available - hopefully within a couple of wks. Until then they are suppose to get an ankle bracelet for her today or tomorrow and she is wearing a patch (i guess the patch monitors was substances she has in her system??)

so she sounded good and maybe I'll get to see her this weekend.

One day at a time - right?

05-31-2008, 12:26 PM	#51 (permalink)
rayofsunshine Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach! Posts: 778	Hi Sadness, Hello-Kitty & Babs! Glad to hear from each of you. Short on time at the moment, will post later!
	__________________ Todays opportunities can help erase past failures.

06-03-2008, 10:25 AM	#52 (permalink)
Japic05 I have a no no & will use it Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,327	update on our AD - Ash. saw her bf & the little one in Wal-Mart this wkend- she should be released today - sentenced to outpatient rehab for 18 month program. According to BF if she fails 1 drug test she goes back to jail to serve full sentence (no idea what her sentence was) he agreed to let her come back home. I could see the stressed look on his face already. I mentioned our f2f meetings again. Offered to watch the baby, go to meetings with him and offer some literature. Told him how it helps me deal with things and that it would help them especially if she does stay true to a program. He said maybe. I have no expectations, only sadness. I have read on here to much about recent losses of adult children, we just lost a member of our recovery family that had struggled in the last few yrs with his sobriety - so it just reminds me of how much I have to keep working on me.
	__________________ HP, if my prayer limits Your will and Your plan for my life, please disregard my request. Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. Courage to Change pg 346

06-09-2008, 11:31 AM	#54 (permalink)
Japic05 I have a no no & will use it Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,327	Have no idea if Ash got out last week or not - no contact from her or her BF. It's a week & 1/2 til her middle daughter's bday - I wonder if any one will let us know about her bday party. probably not.
	__________________ HP, if my prayer limits Your will and Your plan for my life, please disregard my request. Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. Courage to Change pg 346

06-09-2008, 10:14 PM	#55 (permalink)
sadness123 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 61	Hello everyone. Just checking in. My dad is transferring prisons. He is going to one for psyhcoatics. [bad spelling] They have the medicene there for him. They said he will never be able to live a normal life again without medication. He is suppose to be getting out in August I think. Because the program is 90 days and it will take 2-6 weeks to get transferred. He is in the hole waiting to be transfered and he cant use the phone. He can only write letters.
sadness123 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 61	__________________ Today is the first day of the rest of your life, use it well.

06-13-2008, 05:49 AM	#59 (permalink)
Life Change Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: East Coast/the lovers state Posts: 70	just wanted to say hi to everyone! things are going weel and just keep moving forward as i can. i will check in more soon. hope things are well. DOGGED oh it has happend to many others, i can asure you of that! there are people out there that understand what you are feeling. there are alot of unanswered questions and anger that you get over something like this when it happens. there are people out there that will still love you and want to be with you, and you are right....you do have to tell others about what is going on with you, and it will be awkward, but it will be releiving as well. just hang in there and pray. check back in here later when i have more time
	__________________ SEAN Seeking...Discovering...Applying

06-09-2008, 11:11 AM	#53 (permalink)
hello-kitty Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 760	My ex was sentenced on Friday to 14 months. With time served and good behavior he will be out in November. He asked for inpatient rehab but the judge did not give it to him. Of course my ex was all positive and full of promises about how this time things were different. If I had a nickel for everytime he said that... So I have known him about 4-5 years. And in that time he has been arrested 6 times, and spent more than 2 1/2 years in jail / prison. I think it's going to take a much longer sentence to get him to change. 14 months just doesn't seem to affect him all that much. It's just enough to get him healthy and recharged so that he can go out and kill himself with dope. The next time he gets out and uses again I swear he will never again have contact with his son (until Andrew is 18 and can make his own choices). I will not talk to him again. I am ready to draw that boundary.I can't watch the train wreck anymore. Other than that things are good with me. Just started a new job. Going on vacation in a couple weeks - spending three weeks in Ireland. Everyone please check in and let us know how things are going for you.

06-10-2008, 07:07 AM	#56 (permalink)
dogged Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: wisconsin Posts: 53	wel an update on my situation..i talk to my ex crack addict ocassionally from prison he gets out here a few months, but we are over...i think we should have a thread of what viruses a person catches from our loved ones!!! i went to the dr. the other day because i kept getting yeast infections and so on, ihavent been with anyone since my ex boyfriend and we were together for almost 3 yrs, and now i found out i have herpes!!! i am so pissed..my life is ruined, got rid of the boyfriend but who is going to want me now???? its devastating..thinking i can never be close to anyone again?? not to mention the stigma attached to this virus..?? not to mention the embarressment of having to tell others if i do get into a relationship again?? i dont think i can do it..he gave me a life sentence of pain and misery..he made sure i could never be with anyone aelse again!!! i havent told him cuz i need more time than 15 min on a phone...i dont know if he knew or not... i am so depressed..no one is going to want to be with me now , and i know i was clean before, i had tests every so often just to make sure i was clean.. i think it would be beneficial to start a thread on the medical issues that one can catch when being involved with an addict..

06-10-2008, 07:29 AM	#57 (permalink)
dogged Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: wisconsin Posts: 53	please dont beleive them when they say they havent been sleeping around, and or even if they havent with while they were with you..the risks are still high of previus relationships who they may have been with.. and when you you ask for a std check make sure they check for herpes cuz they dont do that one unless asked??? man i wish i had never met him..make sure they get checked before oyu have relations with them, always wear a condom, but thats no guarantee that you wont still get it....its embarressing to even write this but i want to make sure others know the risks, i would hate to see anyone else go through this..or to spread it..no knowing..and if you get tested make sure they have them check if its tye 1 or 2, that determines how often you may have outbreaks..

06-12-2008, 09:18 PM	#58 (permalink)
dogged Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: wisconsin Posts: 53	wow i cant believe no one has responded to this..no one has been in this situation?? ok i guess this has not happened to anyone else, or they just dont put it out there. anyways it doesnt really matter ...i guess its something no one wants to think about, which i dont blame them, i certanly didnt... but life goes on as usual doesnt it..

06-13-2008, 06:01 AM	#60 (permalink)
kay1234 Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 63	DOGGED....it has not happen to me personally but it did happen to a dear friend of mine...her so called "faithfull" husband gave it to her. But, she is doing just fine. You have every right to be angry I sure would, but YOU did nothing wrong.
kay1234 Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 63

06-13-2008, 07:10 AM	#61 (permalink)
Japic05 I have a no no & will use it Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,327	Dogged Hate so much to hear about this for you - there is just no bounds to how this disease affects us. Like others have said - please remember it is not your fault, you did nothing wrong and please, please take good care of you - emotionally and physically. HUGS & prayers for you, Rita
	__________________ HP, if my prayer limits Your will and Your plan for my life, please disregard my request. Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. Courage to Change pg 346

06-14-2008, 07:37 AM	#62 (permalink)
rayofsunshine Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach! Posts: 778	Japic, you are such an good example to me of "Let Go and Let God". I try, but I still have issues where I want to control things that are out of my control. Gotta keep working on me too! Sending prayers for your daughter. Hi Sadness, good to hear from you! Glad you hear from your dad. Prayers the program and medication will work for him. How are you doing? Any fun plans this summer now that schools out? Hello-Kitty, Hope you have a wonderful time vacationing in Ireland. Your post is a good reminder to me that I need to keep the boundaries I make. You seem to really enforce the boundaries you make, and I needed the reminder. Boundaries are no good if you don't follow through. Dogged, Thanks for the reminder about STDs and the need to be careful and the need to be checked. I'm sorry you turned out positive for herpes. As others have said, it's not your fault, but it is something you'll have to live with now. I hope someone will post or pm you that has had this experience and can give you support. If not, post a new thread about it, so you can find encouragement. Lifechange, good to hear things are going good for you. Keep doing the next right thing. BTW, there's a good post in the Christians forum here from Toad called "My Garden" you may enjoy reading. Well my update is not happy. I've been doing a lot of reading but not posting because I am struggling with AH using again and I feel so weak. My strength and resolve to not live this way waffles day to day.
	__________________ Todays opportunities can help erase past failures.

06-14-2008, 09:06 AM	#63 (permalink)
dogged Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: wisconsin Posts: 53	thanks everyone, thier os so much i didnt know about this virus,,its common in men to lay dormant for years(and women) not as likely and they have no idea they have it and pass it on?? for women it can start as having lots of yeast infections, bladder infections,,and thats it for symptoms..(until later when it decides to rear its outbreaks) there is so much i am learnign about this virus its amazing how many people are affected 1 out of 4 women 1-5 men.. and they dont test for it unless asked specifically,which is beyond me? thier are 2 tests..you want the one where they draw blood for sure igg test? i think its called that will tell you which type you have 1 or 2.. man its been a nightmare, but i appreciate the support thank you...

06-17-2008, 05:46 AM	#64 (permalink)
Japic05 I have a no no & will use it Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,327	We went to J's t-ball game (that's our AD's oldest son) - we haven't seen him since Christmas - He was very excited to see us. As we know most 6 yr olds don't like pictures - but he gladly took a picture with us!! The game was stopped because of a SW Louisiana Thunderstorm - but we are going back to see another game on Wednesday. He's other grandfather was at the game too (AD's step-dad) and as typical he is nice to everyone face to face, but as soon as he could he asked J if he wanted to get something to eat and play at McDonalds. I'm so thankful for recovery - cause today I know that the other grandfather is all about control and insecurity. He feels threatened and must control situations. He needed that reassurance from J that he was still loved. What a sad, hurting man he must be. For me, I know that those precious little ones have so much love that no one has to be "#1" - there is enough for all of us. It is not a competition. No one has to be the best. Live & Let Live - I am grateful that we had time with him, grateful that my AH was sober and sane; grateful that J's Dad encourages us to participate in his activities, that J's has a wonderful step-mom that loves him unconditionally, and grateful that by God's Grace we should be able to see him again on Wednesday. Ain't God good?
	__________________ HP, if my prayer limits Your will and Your plan for my life, please disregard my request. Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. Courage to Change pg 346

06-18-2008, 08:47 PM	#65 (permalink)
sadness123 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 61	They transferred my dad. But they ended up transferring him to the wrong prison. So he is awaiting to be transferred again. You hear about people escaping prison and you wonder why. Then you hear stories like that and you know why. Prisons should be more organized especially when housing medium-high security level inmates. Well thats my update for now because I have missed my dad's last two phone calls.
sadness123 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 61	__________________ Today is the first day of the rest of your life, use it well.

06-19-2008, 07:18 AM	#66 (permalink)
Japic05 I have a no no & will use it Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,327	sadness - I agree with that about the correctional system. Our AD was released yesterday - she DID call me - so that was good. But she was not suppose to be released. She went thru drug court and was suppose to be held until a bed was open at a treatment facility. Her sentence is for inpatient treatment, then outpatient follow-up with counseling, wkly drug test, NA meetings, for 18 months. One mess up and she goes to prison for 5 yrs. Not sure when a bed will be available - hopefully within a couple of wks. Until then they are suppose to get an ankle bracelet for her today or tomorrow and she is wearing a patch (i guess the patch monitors was substances she has in her system??) so she sounded good and maybe I'll get to see her this weekend. One day at a time - right?
	__________________ HP, if my prayer limits Your will and Your plan for my life, please disregard my request. Serenity is always available to me, but it is my job to seek it where it can be found. Courage to Change pg 346