having a hard time...

[jen960]

I find myself flailing around at the moment. I left my AH 3 months ago and we are now living countries apart. I have got a great job, place to live and am back with my family and friends. I am doing all the right things! I find myself missing AH and wishing things had turned out differently. He still is not in a recovery program but of course wants me to go back and everything will be different. Words words words! I said that he would have to be in a recovery program and that he would have to come and visit us(we have a year old baby) if we were ever to have a future. He is not prepared to come here and says he has learnt from his mistakes etc. I guess that I just get so frustrated that he can't get things together. I know that I just have to move on but it is so hard!!!!

[anvilhead]

jen - if you and i were side by side at the starting line, and when the gun went off you took off like a jack rabbit, and i took off like a turtle......we'd BOTH be moving forward on our respective paths at our own respective rates, you'd just be making MUCH better time! when you think of the NOW part of your relationship with the AH, it's not so much that you are leaving him BEHIND, as it is that you've got places to go and people to see and a baby to raise and a life to live beautifully, and he's still stuck back there trying to sort out the left shoe from the right......

[hello-kitty]

Somedays it's harder than others. But you are doing the right thing. Limit your contact with him as much as you can. That will make it easier to move on.

[wooforever]

Jen,

Are you happy with the new life you are beginning? If you are do not look in the past just go to your future.

If you guys were meant to be it will all work out in the end. Sounds like you are on the right track.

[jen960]

I am happy with the new life I am beginning and I am fortunate to have the opportunities that I have. I guess that I think it could be even better if AH wanted to be part of it. He has the best intentions but cant follow through with anything so I cannot go back there. Until he is ready to take responsibility for himself there is nothing I can do but keep moving on.

[greeteachday]

I think sometimes it is easier, especially when we are away from the madness, to be in love with what may have been...with an ideal. Actions speak and you are right to demand action. Stand strong...if it is to be it will be but let his actions show you. Wishing you joy in your new start.

[Hangin' In]

Originally Posted by jen960

Until he is ready to take responsibility for himself there is nothing I can do but keep moving on.

You're smart to realize this, Jen. You have to keep reminding yourself of this. And I agree with Greet. We codie's do this crazy thing of longing for what "might have been". But jen, you have to get into reality. As my sponsor says, "It is what it is."

So if he were to come to wherever you are today, would anything be different if he hasn't even attempted recovery? Of course not. You'd just be getting what you got before. And you didn't want that, right?

I'm with what someone else said. Limit contact with him. As long as you are talking to him, he's keeping you sucked into his life and his addiction.

Keep moving forward, even if it's baby steps. But keep moving forward. Going back will only get you what you had.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

[jen960]

Thankyou for your posts. I got myself along to a meeting last night and already I feel so much better. It is amazing how this program works. Just got to keep working it!