The saga continues.......

[obsessed]

Well, the lies just keep coming!! Lauren's best friend texted me last night and Lauren told her she was with a boy she went to rehab with and they were in Oxford at frat party, well this morning I called the boys parents and they said that he had been at home since he just got a DUI so add to the lie tally!!Then I called an ex boyfriend and he told me she was back at the meth house so It just goes on and on!!! But I am ok!!!

[anvilhead]

i worry about how much of your time is so wrapped up in hers......the calls, texts, tracking down.........by now her antics shouldn't come as such a surprise........and sadly none of your involvement is making a whit of difference, except jeopardizing your OWN precious sanity!

[Ann]

Sweetie, I say this with respect and love in my heart, honest. Stop listening to gossip and stop making phone calls trying to find out what is going on.

The drama will unfold in its own time, and nothing you do will change the outcome.

What are you doing for YOU, today? How 'bout a meeting or doing something special just for you and take you mind away from anyone else.

Hugs

[Impurrfect]

(((obsessed))))

I've got to agree with Anvil and Ann. She's doing what addicts do....she is going to lie, she is going to go wherever the dope is, and she is going to do whatever it takes to GET the dope. And you worrying and stressing over it isn't going to change one thing, but YOUR quality of life.

I know you love her, but I really hope you find a way to let her go and do what she's going to do anyway, without destroying yourself in the process.

YOU deserve a better life and to not be dragged down in her addiction.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[grateful2b]

eching amy,ann , and anvil.....she 's off merrily doing her thing....and there is nothing you can do to change that.
(((((((obsessed)))))) we all know how you're feeling right now , we've all been in the crazy codie house.....time to stop:....time for you to do your thing...time to stop, step away the the addict and take care of you.

[caileesnana]

:puppet
THat's how we are w/ our AD's. THey do the same thing over and over and we, the puppets, do ours. THey know what we will do and what they think we wont!

Nothing changes if nothing changes......things are going to change w/ me! Wanna join me? Mine is in for a very rude awakening.!

susan

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by caileesnana

:puppet
THat's how we are w/ our AD's. THey do the same thing over and over and we, the puppets, do ours. THey know what we will do and what they think we wont!

Nothing changes if nothing changes......things are going to change w/ me! Wanna join me? Mine is in for a very rude awakening.!

susan

lol...susan, at least you haven't lost your sense of humor! BTW, I've been meaning to thank you for posting the letter from 'the addict' the other day,
Its going on my fridge...
grateful

[caileesnana]

Every once in a while "I" come back from hell, hoping to be back full time shortly!
love ya,

susan

[hope213]

i like you would chase my a.s. down & call around to see what was going on with him. that was before my recovery. it did not cure him. all it did was make me worry if he would get home safe. by safe was not in jail. i quit doing that because i could not keep him out of jail even when i knew that was where he was headed. i pray alot for my son & turn him over to God. i work on my heath & live in today. i am sorry your daughter is using again. i am sorry for the pain u are in. do something for you.prayers for your daughter.hugs,

[SoberAndy]

During my step-daughter's last relapse, she stayed out all night one night. It was clear she was using. We didn't make an effort to find out where she was. Instead I recall texting her, "The door will be open to you when you're ready to get back into treatment." We meant it. The door would be locked until such time that she re-entered rehab. A day treatment program in which she was regularly pee-tested might have been acceptable, but was definitely second choice.

I agree with others here that say don't obsess on where she is or who she is with. All you need to know is that she's using drugs and she's not sober. The rest is details.

You have to firmly decide your boundaries. Under what circumstances would you allow her to live with you again? I would then suggest texting her something like, "I love you, but I'm not a fool. The door will be open to you when you decide to get into treatment and stop using."

Looking back through your messages, it looks to me like she was not in a meaningful treatment program during the time she was home. I see a message about her going to a job interview. Honestly, if she could hold a job, she'd probably spend the money on drugs. If she's as heavily addicted as your messages indicates, she needs a serious treatment program. She needs a residential facility. Second choice would be a day treatment program of five to six hours per day for several weeks.

I agree with others that you need to stop living for her. You need to do something for yourself.

[BigSis]

I was complaining about my kids not working recovery... oh they WENT TO MEETINGS (ha!), but of course they didn't get sponsors, never attended the same meeting twice (and now I wonder if at all) and they didn't read the literature or work the steps.

The person listening to me asked, "And how is YOUR recovery coming?"

erk!


I attended meetings.

But I didn't have a sponsor.
I didn't read the literature.
I wasn't working the steps.

So...mainly to prove her wrong, I started doing all those things.





PS.... that danged lady is my sponsor, today! Amazing 'coincidences' in recovery, eh?


Wishing you the best... ((hugs))

[caileesnana]

Looking back through your messages, it looks to me like she was not in a meaningful treatment program during the time she was home. I see a message about her going to a job interview. Honestly, if she could hold a job, she'd probably spend the money on drugs. If she's as heavily addicted as your messages indicates, she needs a serious treatment program. She needs a residential facility. Second choice would be a day treatment program of five to six hours per day for several weeks

Sorry, but this is not correct. She has been in treatment after treatment for 6 years. This year alone she was in treatment centers for 6 months. The last three, she was in a sober home in OK. She came home on 12-29 on her own. She had been working her program and wokring like a normal person. The truth of why then still remains a mystery and I'm sure a lie. BUT, she was only here two days before it started again. Looking for a job at the time seemed like progress, anything "human" gave me hope. She didn't find a job in two-three days, but she damn sure found drugs and more creeps!

She has been in residential, intensive out patient, counseling, day programs, everything thing except a mental institution. She "didn't like" the day program and tested + after one week.

So, all in all, the only help left is herself. She knows how to get help, where it is, etc. She enjoys being a drug addict, I don't enjoy watching it.

Can't and wouldn't text her. Her dad turned her cell phone off and I have no way of getting in touch with her--and that is find w/ me.

susan

[Done-With-It]

I agree, I believe this stuff is just making you both sicker.

[caileesnana]

yes, I know I am sick, but better than I was. I do go to meetings and counseling, and SR. I have learned alot, but not enough. I know what I did, shouldn't have done, and wanted to do.

I'm not sure how talking about it is making me sicker?

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by caileesnana

Every once in a while "I" come back from hell, hoping to be back full time shortly!
love ya,

susan

absolutely!!

[grateful2b]

Sorry, but this is not correct. She has been in treatment after treatment for 6 years. This year alone she was in treatment centers for 6 months. The last three, she was in a sober home in OK. She came home on 12-29 on her own. She had been working her program and wokring like a normal person. The truth of why then still remains a mystery and I'm sure a lie. BUT, she was only here two days before it started again. Looking for a job at the time seemed like progress, anything "human" gave me hope. She didn't find a job in two-three days, but she damn sure found drugs and more creeps!

She has been in residential, intensive out patient, counseling, day programs, everything thing except a mental institution. She "didn't like" the day program and tested + after one week.

So, all in all, the only help left is herself. She knows how to get help, where it is, etc. She enjoys being a drug addict, I don't enjoy watching it.

Can't and wouldn't text her. Her dad turned her cell phone off and I have no way of getting in touch with her--and that is find w/ me.

susan[/quote]

OMG, Susan, looking back on this, no wonder you have been crazy with the pain of it.......

[caileesnana]

I am getting better, believe it or not! Plus, those are just the high points!


As a mom, it takes time, alot, alot of time, kindness, understanding, and encouragement to walk away from your own child!

hugs,
susan

[SoberAndy]

Thanks. Sorry I was under an incorrect impression of your situation.

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. All you can do is let her know that the door is open when she's ready to get serious. Otherwise, she's not welcome.

[Done-With-It]

Originally Posted by caileesnana

yes, I know I am sick, but better than I was. I do go to meetings and counseling, and SR. I have learned alot, but not enough. I know what I did, shouldn't have done, and wanted to do.

I'm not sure how talking about it is making me sicker?

Um I was talking to Obsessed. You are answering Obsessed posts.

[caileesnana]

Oh, sorry...when Grateful like my puppet line, we picked up and got confused I guess...my sincere apologies!