sister update

[aztchr]

My sister has been clean and at home for about a week.
She went to her dr.'s appt. and they referred her to a counseling/intensive outpatient program. They prescribed a small dosage of Xanax for anxiety/depression on a very limited supply. I think only 10 days until she continues with the counselor and they decide together what will be best for her in the long term. Her bf was sentenced to 40 days in jail for an outstanding warrant and he still has another court appearance for the assault charge when he threw something at her. Hopefully, with him gone for a little bit, my sister can work on herself and make some progress.

Now, in the meantime, my sister's attitude and behavior toward me is unacceptable. I told my mom I won't be able to come over there very much because I will not fight with her. Mostly the issue stems from her perspective that I'm trying to raise her daughter and I think she can't handle it. Well, I intervened a little today because my sister was yelling at my niece and really was losing it. A 4 yr. old doesn't deserve that just because her mother doesn't know anything different.

I understand her frustration especially since she isn't using right now, but I will not accept being yelled at or having my niece used against me. That's one thing I don't have that my sister does. She likes to remind me of that. I've parented my niece more in her life than my sister has.
If I do go over there to visit, I will try to keep my mouth shut.

It's almost more difficult now that my sister is home than when she was out.

[BigSis]

It's almost more difficult now that my sister is home than when she was out.

Boy, I hear that one. It is hard, and I found the more difficult times were when they first got sober.

Alanon helped me - a lot. I hope you can find some face to face meetings Alanon or Naranon. They might be able to give you some examples of how they dealt with neices or step kids or other times when they didn't have legal rights over a child, and needed to intervene.

I do wish you well. ((hugs))

[Impurrfect]

(((aztchr)))

I'm glad she's clean, but sorry you're having to put up with some crap from her. It sounds like you are doing well with it, though, and I'm glad you're not letting your sister take out her frustrations on your niece.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[aztchr]

I've been going to Naranon and love the meetings! I might have to double up.
Today's topic was trust. I trust the process and will work on my side. That's all I can do. I love my sister, but I wish I liked her more. In time...

[Done-With-It]

You might want to read the thread We teach people how to treat us also.

A lot of people go through detox and not using and don't treat people bad.
It's funny how some people get like your sister though, I hear that often.

Hang in there, I'm glad you are going to Naranaon.

[justjo]

I understand what you are saying. I had this with my sister. When she was drunk she didnt care who was looking after the kids but when she is sober, we are all trying to take control over her kids.
I think its their realization that they are not in control and that their kids are loosing respect for them. When she is sober she over compensates with presents and promises which is sad because the kids already realize this too. All you can do is to keep loving your neice and be there for her. I told my sister that I didnt care what she thought and that I would protect her kids for as long as I had to. She would say the most disgusting things to her daughter and when she was sober I would give it to her over it.
This seemed to work and she accepted that I was just watching out for them, not trying to be their mother.
Good Luck

[Hangin' In]

Aztchr,

So glad you are going to those Nar Anon meetings. I ALWAYS feel better after being at a meeting. The support gives me the courage to do what I need to do, even though I'm not told what to do.

And one of the hardest things I've ever learned to do is to keep my mouth shut. I've just always had to tell you this, or tell you that, or just make it to clear to you that .... blah, blah, blah.

Meetings have taught me that saying nothing ... ... is most often the best way to handle things.

Praying that you'll be able to be quiet when you need to be. Good glory, I know how hard that is!

Hugs,
Hangin' In

[aztchr]

My sister called to apologize for her actions yesterday. She said she has a lot to work on and will be talking to her counselor about better coping skills for her frustration.
She didn't mean to take things out on me, she knew I was just trying to help.

I accepted her apology and let it go. Tomorrow's a new day.

[aztchr]

P.S. I did read the thread about Teaching People How to Treat Us.
I also told my sister what my actions will be if she decides to take out her frustration around me. I have boundaries in place and I'm very thankful to have a nice, quiet apartment to come home to if I'm over there and she starts with me. I also told my parents that I might not be coming around as often because I need to keep myself in a healthy place. I have to do my work and it might be easier not to be around my sister as much as I would like. They actually encouraged me to do just that. I don't feel guilty about it knowing they understand.