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Old 12-23-2007, 09:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Kicked out of sober recovery house....

My 17 year old AS called tonight and he is getting kicked out of the oxford house for taking someone's prescription paxil. He told me the guy in the house gave it to him. The president of the house told me he took it from one of the house members. The conditions by the court are that if he doesn't finish his time there successfully he will go to jail. He was crying at first, but then seemed a bit better later. His dad, my ex, will go get him tomorrow. As far as jail is concerned, maybe it is the best thing. I feel like such a traitor as a mom to say this. But he just keeps getting by with things, and he never learns his lesson.

When he called me later, I had been crying and he could tell. I told him that maybe jail is the best thing for him.....to make him think. He got really angry and said, but i'm not using! I'm not doing anything illegal. Sigh....he still doesn't get it. My question is, if the court has ordered rehab an a recovery home as conditions of his treatment, and he made it through 2 months of rehab and 3 months of sober recovery, will they still send him to jail? And how long? I know that you all probably don't know the answer to the questions, but these are the questions plaguing me now. So much for a merry christmas. Any thoughts?

krhea
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Old 12-23-2007, 09:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I don't have any idea, but I send you prayers and hugs!
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Old 12-23-2007, 09:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I join you with the "sigh... he still doesnt get it." You aren't a bad mother at all for saying maybe jail will bring him some insight. You are a mother who loves her son and whose life has been so torn apart by addiction, that you will wish for anything (even him going to jail) if it meant he would finally "get it." I am so sorry your Christmas will be tainted and I understand. WHen I hear my brother say certain things I breathe the same long sigh and wonder when he'll truley "get it." My pray is that YOU can enjoy the other people in your life this Christmas who do get it...... Take care of yourself...
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Old 12-23-2007, 09:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It is out of your hands. The let down of him not suceeding at Oxford is another disapp. for both of you. From your posts it seemed like only a matter of time 'til this would happen. My son got fired.kicked out of everywhere and he always minimized and never took full respson.
His version of the truth was never accurate.
Sorry to hear of another let down. Remember, it is out of your hands.
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Old 12-23-2007, 09:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Don't have an answer to your questions but I'm sorry to hear this has happened.
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Old 12-23-2007, 09:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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As far as jail is concerned, maybe it is the best thing. I feel like such a traitor as a mom to say this. But he just keeps getting by with things, and he never learns his lesson.
Boy, have I ever been there. I felt like a traiter too. My oldest got in trouble with his brother.
He got out while brother stays another 4 years. He got out and did very well for 9 months. He had 5000.00 saved! All of a sudden, he got addicted to drugs and alcohol and blew every single cent in 2 weeks.
He was on probation. His prob officer took him in cuz he couldn't pass a pee test. If he hadn't gone back to jail, he'd probably be dead right now.
Traitor or not, he's alive now thanks to the stint in jail.
He spent another 4 months inside.

Right before he went back in, he tried out a rehab. This place was FREE for 3 months. They have RULES. He broke a rule and they threw him out! Literally out on the street. Unfortunately for him, the "street" was a dirt road out in the country. I didn't go pick him up either. He waited around till someone came by, a pastor, and got a ride.
He made up all kind of excuses as to how it wasn't his fault. I told him that others made it through with no incedents. How is it that you are the only one who can't seem to follow rules?

So darn hard headed! Ok, then, go ahead and suffer the consequences of your actions!
My oldest has been in a halfway house since he got out this last time. He's doing well now. But, again, if he hadn't gone back in and gotten away from the drugs, he'd be dead today.
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Old 12-24-2007, 12:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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(((Krhea)))

So sorry that you are going through this and that he just doesn't get it yet. It really is up to a judge as to what they will do. I have a feeling he will be spending time in jail, but it sounds like that's what he needs. It seems we A's have to learn everything the hard way. Hopefully, he will soon realize that the consequences just aren't worth breaking the rules.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 12-24-2007, 01:36 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Stealing, or even taking someone's prescription medication is against the law. Even if they gave it to you. I hope you pointed this out to him.

Other than that I agree jail may be the best for him.

Please remember to take care of yourself first.
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Old 12-24-2007, 04:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I am so sorry you are going through this

from your previous posts, it seemed your son was not quite ready to do the serious work of recovery

mom to mom...I know how hard it is for you....

it is such a sad situation when a mom prays for jail time for her son but it may be the answer....

is it possible for him to be in a more restricted program....(Day Top...Phoenix House etc...)....I know for my son it was essential that he have structure and limitations....he has still never had permission for an overnight or even more than a few hours to visit....he will need to be really ready before he is granted that privilege....he does work but is required to be "home" for dinner and evening meetings

I will keep you in my prayers this Christmas
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Old 12-24-2007, 05:24 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Khrea, I'm sorry this is happening but you are not a traitor to him...You're a mom who cares. He will not get it no matter what you say until he is truly ready to get it.
As to jail, you're right, no one knows...But I believe that he is going to be placed right where his Higher Power needs him to be. One more thing we can't control...Sending mom to mom hugs and lots of prayers.
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
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prayers are with you, maybe the judge will have some compassion because of the season
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:27 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks all, your support is so important to me. I feel a bit more grounded today after a night's sleep. Whatever happens, happens. I am going to try to take your advice and just enjoy the people in my life who are there to support me.
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:28 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Sending hugs and prayers your way. Not much else you can do at this point. His HP has him. You can just love him. Hugs, Marle
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
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My 17 year old AS called tonight and he is getting kicked out of the oxford house for taking someone's prescription paxil. He told me the guy in the house gave it to him. The president of the house told me he took it from one of the house members. The conditions by the court are that if he doesn't finish his time there successfully he will go to jail. He was crying at first, but then seemed a bit better later. His dad, my ex, will go get him tomorrow. As far as jail is concerned, maybe it is the best thing. I feel like such a traitor as a mom to say this. But he just keeps getting by with things, and he never learns his lesson.

When he called me later, I had been crying and he could tell. I told him that maybe jail is the best thing for him.....to make him think. He got really angry and said, but i'm not using! I'm not doing anything illegal. Sigh....he still doesn't get it. My question is, if the court has ordered rehab an a recovery home as conditions of his treatment, and he made it through 2 months of rehab and 3 months of sober recovery, will they still send him to jail? And how long? I know that you all probably don't know the answer to the questions, but these are the questions plaguing me now. So much for a merry christmas. Any thoughts?

krhea
Hi Krhea75 I don't have all the answers but I do know that you have to let go and let God, but let go with love because your son needs you no matter what sometimes we have to let our love ones hit the ground before they understand or before they come to and we don't have to turn our back on them to do that, I will keep you in my prayers.

Love,


sneakers:
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:48 AM   #15 (permalink)
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i am so sorry, krhea. hugs, k
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Old 12-24-2007, 06:51 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Hi Krhea75 write me anytime day or night to let me know how your son is doing love you both and always praying.

Love,

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Old 12-24-2007, 10:47 AM   #17 (permalink)
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After dealing with my 2 addict sons, I think of jail as a happy place.

It gives me piece of mind.
They're fed.
Clothed.
Have somewhere warm to sleep.

Most of my most restful nights have been when they're in jail.

Try not to look into the future, he may not even have to go, who knows?

I also do that alot, always worrying about what could happen. It's a waste of our good energy.

Hugs to you.
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Old 12-24-2007, 10:56 AM   #18 (permalink)
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(((Moose))) Thank you - I don't think I could say it better.


(((krhea))) HP has your son already, He knows where this path will lead... and His solutions are always far better (and more difficult!) than any *I* can devise.

Your son will get what he NEEDS... and we can't anticipate what that may be. Perhas there is someone he needs to meet, something he needs to hear... HP will get him to the right place - at exactly the right time.

During the holidays, it is difficult for me to get to my face to face meetings - but when I do, I realize that I should be INCREASING them, rather than skipping them...

Wishing you the best day you can have. (((hugs)))
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