A void and a hard day

[familymember]

I have come to the realization that I need to enter into my own recovery. The other day at work, a co-worker told me that I looked terrible and he was right. I just cant stop thinking about my brother and wondering if he is alive and praying that he will get help. He has left such a VOID in my heart. I read this passage my Kahlih Gibran on Joy and Sorrow and he stated,

"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseperable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced."

What I have taken from this is that my brother was only capable of leaving such a void in my life is b/c he gave me such joy. I just cant get to feeling angry with him, I just love him so much and I still think so highly of him. I want to be angry with him, but my heart wont let me. Today, is SO hard b/c I miss him every second of the day and with my entire core.....

[GiveLove]

That is precisely what Gibran meant, familymember. The ability to feel great joy and great loss are just two sides of the same coin. And even more: you cannot expect to just take away one without taking away the other, leaving you an emotionless robot.

The balancing act you have to do right now is to focus on the other joys in your life while your brother is figuring out what he wants to do with the rest of his life. Give of yourself to those who need you. Be there for other people who are suffering. Think about the good YOU want to bring into the world -- the joy -- and take one small step toward a goal. These actions will not bring your brother back, but they will bring YOU back into the family of humanity, where you are loved and needed. Your brother has his own road to walk, and you cannot take away his right to make his own mistakes, or he will never grow.

I say this with the greatest of pain myself. My own young brother (30 like yours) has also gone missing, since the weekend. He said a strange and emotional goodbye when he "went out for a while." I fear the worst, and am working hard to refocus my energy away from the agony inside, toward some sort of positive action outside.

I'll let you know how I do......hugs to you, friend, from someone who's not only been there....she is there.

XOXO
GL

[familymember]

GL,
I am so sorry to hear about your pain with your brother. i want to thank you for responding to my post, it helps me not feel so alone. Please keep me posted as to your progress, I was very inspired by your message. I wish I could love my brother to recovery. I live with the belief (perhaps false belief) that the love my family has given my brother is stronger than the addiction. I wonder if it is just a form of denial? Any thoughts?

[holdingouthope]

Prayers for both you and your brothers....thanks for the words of wisdom

[GiveLove]

I don't know what happens to the love that has been poured into people once they become addicted. I would love to think that it is still in there, pushing back against the evil, sad forces trying to sweep it away. But I admit that there is much I am still learning about the purpose of love, and the way love acts on living beings, etc. I will probably be still learning in the next life and the next, if there is one.

I think there is a difference between denial and optimism. You know that you can't love your brother into sobriety. That's not denial. But you hope that the love he's be given over the years may somehow, in some strange not-entirely-understood way, contribute to his finding his way.

That's just love, imho. And love is never a bad thing in my book.

I cannot rescue my little brother, though he was once the only joy in my life. But I can still love him, and can still keep putting one foot in front of the other, doing my work in the world.

I'll keep in touch. Thinking good thoughts for you & me, and yours, and mine. Take care of yourself. It's what your REAL brother (the one underneath the addiction) would have wanted more than anything.

[marle]

My daughter is my addict and she recently told me that she is so glad that I am back in my life, having a positive relationship with my husband (her dad) and am finding happiness again. I really don't think our addicts want us to suffer. It is just another burden added onto their already enormous struggle. We need to find happiness for ourselves, the same that our addicts must find happiness for themselves. My daughter also told me that she is not doing this to me and I finally have found enough recovery to understand what she means by that. Hugs to you and prayers for you and your brother. Marle

[familymember]

"Take care of yourself. It's what your REAL brother (the one underneath the addiction) would have wanted more than anything."

Yes, my brother, the kind, free-spirit that I love (the one hidden under the addiction) would only want me to be happy. I read these posts over and over and they give me a sense of peace and hope (thank you all). He has always been very protective of me. He is the kind of person who would give someone the shirt of his back if it meant they would be warm, even if he was freezing. I tried to lead by example and would often tell him that he should keep the shirt and make sure he was warm first (metaphorically speaking). My brother always told me that I had courage he didnt. I wish he could see me now, I dont feel courageous, I just feel broken. I do realize that I am at the beginning stages of learning how to let me brother go and still love him.
Intellectually, I am there... emotionally, I am struggling. Perhaps, that is my lesson of the day-- to accept myself exactly where I am at today.