J.Crenshaw

I am suspecting my son is either a heavy marijuana user, or he sells marijuana. He is 17 years old. In his room i found approximately 15 or 16 rolled up marijuana cigars and what looks to be a ziploc bag of maybe $ 60-90 worth of marijuana. I was searching through his closet when I came across a shoebox with all of the pre-rolled cigars and the bag of marijuana. I also found approximately $ 4,000 in cash. I also found a bunch of knives stashed in the bx. All different kinds of knives. Some of them illigal switchblades.

I did not see this coming at all. Now that i know this I can put peices together. He has lately been leaving the house late at night, coming back late at night and been wearing clothes I have not bought him. I have gotten a call from his school, they suspect my son of being a gang member. He has lately been hanging around known gang members. He has 2 cell phones, I am guessing one is his buisness phone. He also has been getting alot of female attention also. He brings new girls to the house when I am not home, I have caught him with some girls in the house but I did not punish him. I thought it was cute he was getting to know plenty of girls his age. I am not sure wheather theese girls fall for him, wheather they are drug addict's hanging around him and using their bodies as payment, or just girls who are attracted to drug dealers.

His tempure has changed drasticly also. He used to be known for being somewhat of a coward, being bullied at school by his peers. Now within a year he gets into fights all the time with people who make fun of him, I get plenty of calls from school because he is fighting. At first i was proud he was standing up for himself. I dont know now if it was real confidence, or just the drugs giving him courage to fight. I am still not sure if he is a gang member or not. The following is what I found in his room.

I have pictures but the board will not allow me to post them because i dont have 15 posts

Spiritual Seeker

Sounds like you better come up with a plan to reign him in

cece

This is something I am very familiar with. After the fact, as parents, we always look back and see more than we noticed at the time.
I understand your shock, fear and disbelief.
My son began selling pot when he was about 18-19 yrs old. He is 22 and A lot has happened since then, it has been a roller coaster. I do not know how he he didn't end up in jail or dead because of it during that time. He went from smoking pot to anything he could get for a while.
Last year he crashed and went to rehab. but could only stick it out a month. When he came out he talked a lot about the past. this was when I found out that he was involved with pot as a teen. I wish I had known then.
He talked about selling it, and the dangerous situations he was in.
I wish he hadn't told me that then, because now, I think he's right back in it, and now i know how bad it can be. but he's 22, I have no control, and he will have to learn the hard way I think.
If your son is dealing, ( $4000, is a lot of money for a 17 yr old to have in the closet)its pretty serious, and he is probably smoking a lot of it also, pretty much goes hand in hand.
If a school calls and states they are worried about your son in a gang, listen! They don't always do this. They must have pretty good proof.
He is 17 and you are still responsible for him legally, you still have some control.
In my humble opinion, do what you can, to get him out of that environment. He could go right back to it, even with your best efforts, but I would give it a try while I could.

Elana

If he is a gang member (and your description has this written all over it) you have some real trouble here. Don't be naive. Gangs are dangerous and your son has found a way to be accepted and to be "in control."

That much cash and stash is bad news. I do not know where you live but if he is a gang member and something happens.. and he is picked up.. the police will likely search your house. That much in your house could put YOU in jail. You could lose your house... everything. You could be labled an accessory and they will assume you knew (had calls from school etc.).

That much cash and stash is also a sure sign of dealing. When he graduates to Cocaine (and it is only a matter of time with him in a gang) the cash will be greater as will the risk. He may not use. He may deal and use the drugs as the way to control others who are addicted to them or want to buy them.

You need to tighten the rules (boundaries) in your house with this young man. curfew etc. No girls in the house etc. You also have to have consequences if he breaks those rules.

Go to the school and TALK to them. They will have initial advice concerning gangs. Learn all you can about gangs. Listen to their advice and take it. It may be frightening bout your son is headed for jail.

Your son is heading for huge trouble and you are too with all that stuff in YOUR house.

This is not cute, not funny and very dangerous.

Take care and listen to the other parents on this site. I am sorry this is happening to you.

Ann

Welcome to SoberRecovery. I'm not sure of the laws where you live, but if your son is a minor you still may have some recourse in making him change his ways...don't count on it though, he's old enough (and it sounds like he has enough money) to just take off and continue his lifestyle.

Please pay attention to what Elana posted. YOU could be arrested, lose your home and have any other children taken away from you. It's not only the sad truth, but we had a member here not long ago who spent a year in prison, lost her home and her children just for "knowing" and for answering the phone, even though she didn't know that the person calling was a dealer. The police are not stupid, and if your son has been generating so much attention at school over his fighting and bad behaviour, and if he is a gang member (as it sounds like he is), then the police are already watching him and his comings and goings.

It's a dangerous life, that of an addict, and it affects the entire family.

Please stick around, read the posts and see what you are facing, and know that we are here to help you in any way we can.

Hugs
Ann

J.Crenshaw

4,000 is alot of money. He has gone to his fathers for thanksgiving and will be back by sunday. I do not know if i should confiscate the marijuana and the money or not. I dont understand at all why he is doing this. He has a job, and my job supports us well enough. I dont understand why he need's drugs to take care of him when I take care of him fine.

Ann

Did you tell his father about this? I think it's important to know when you have an active addict in your home.

And about the $4000 and drug cache...if the police knocked on your door this minute, how would you explain them?

Sweetie, my son is an addict too and I truly know your pain, but this is pretty serious stuff to be dealing with.

Perhaps it's time to call in the troops....any family and support you might have to help you figure out how to handle this without endangering yourself or anyone else.

My prayers are with you all this weekend, I know it may be even harder right now.

Hugs from a mom whose been there.

Done_With_It

That is what drugs to do you. It's not about you, or what you can do for him, it's about him and what he's gotten himself into.

I might suggest getting outside help/advice in dealing with how to deal with this also, just taking the money/items from him could cause him to become violent, and isn't going to stop the problem. (just wouldn't want to see anyone getting hurt)

cece

I know I would be very uncomfortable knowing this was in my house so protect yourself please.
Is his dad someone you can talk to? Is he someone your son would talk to?
Because he might be a good buffer right now.
I know as a single mom it can be scary to confront our sons.
If his dad confronted him about it while your son is away from your house but knowing you have the evidence, his reaction and response might help you decide what you'll need to do next, and it might get dad to wise up to it also.
Only you know if dad would be any help, but I think he needs to know.
Most cities have gang intervention units that can give help to you and your son. I don't know what city you are in but do an Internet search.
I agree that the school might be a good place to start, they might have resources for you.

hope213

i do not harley know what to tell you that the others have not already said. this is very dangerous. i would not know how to handle this to b honest with you.your son is in some deep crap.i am so sorry for you & for him.maybe you should call his dad while he is there & talk to him about it & together talk with your son. i hope u have a good relationship with your ex. please keep your self safe above ANYTHING else.
welcome to S.R & keep coming back & let us know how u are.prayers for u & your son.

puddinface

My son started smoking pot when he was 14 years old. Actually got caught in the Middle School. I remember I couldnt believe how he shrugged it off like it was nothing. (God how I wish I would have realized there was a problem right from then) I remember specifically when his health teacher in high school said to me...hes using drugs. I couldnt believe she said that. I thought he was just a kid who made stupid mistakes. Little did I know...there would be lots of hell to follow. Oh how I wish I would have gotten that kid help back then. But everyone kept saying..."he's a kid...it will pass..dont worry. Big mistake!!!!! Get him help immediately or I promise it will escalate. Eventually he will get caught and there will be so many bigger problems. He definitely must be selling with all that cash. He could possibly be selling for someone else also. I would push to get him some counseling or something.

krhea75

My son has been an addict since he was 14. It has been 3 long years with lots of ups and downs, 5 rehab visits and a few nights in jail. Currently he is in a halfway house, doing better, but you just never know. My advice? Rehab, even if he doesn't want it. It's better than jail, and even if he hates it there he will learn about himself and why he is doing this. Of course, he may not listen, but addiction is an illness and it needs treatment from trained counselors. Then, take care of yourself and get to an Alanon meeting. You have to stop thinking how cute he is and start thinking how sick he is. If your kid had cancer, you would storm the heavens and get him any kind of help you could. This is an illness that needs treatment.
krhea

J.Crenshaw

Im not so sure he is addicted to marijuana, I would not mind if he smoked marijuana here and there sometimes but im worried about the fact that he is dealing. He comes back on sunday, still not sure what to do with the money, marijuana and knives in his room.

raerae6

Hi Crenshaw, One of my co-workers works in a program that helps juveniles who have been in trouble with the law. This co-worker did prison time for drug dealing and was in a gang himself at that time.

I asked him what a parent should do if thier son is involved in a gang and drug dealing, etc. His first question was "Does the kid have any positive male role models?" He suggested contacting the local 'Boys and Girls Clubs of America"-they have programs specifically for youth involved in gang activity.

here is some information about the program....

http://guide.helpingamericasyouth.go...ail.cfm?id=304

http://www.bgca.org/connections/04_summer/story3.html

Find one in your area....http://www.bgca.org/clubs/

He suggested that if nothing else, the family may have to leave and move somewhere else.....

hope this helps.

Currency321

He's not an addict hes a drug dealer - Addicts dont have that much money or marijuana cause it wouldve been gone

crazyelite22

I know this was a long time ago but I want to answer anyways to help out other people in similar situations. DO NOT REMOVE THE MARIJUANA OR MONEY. the knives should be taken for sure, not the bud or money because if he "fronted" the weed (borrowed and pay the dealer back after you sell it), this could put him in a horrible situation, especially if gangs are involved.

KuanYin

crazeylite, I just read this thread before realizing it was from '07, but I agree with you, taking the stash could get this kid (or someone else) killed.

Sputnik162

You need to talk to your kid about what is he doing! If your kid has 4000 it might seem like a lot to you as in drug money for a 17 year old but I can tell you it's extremely average for most. The scary thing that you need to realize though is that once your kid has around that area of money is when he can start getting into the pound business and that's when people get ******* killed I speak from experience here I'm 19 years old myself and IWiSHTOGoD someone would've just talked some sense into me and made me realize I wasn't invincible I got caught up bad and will probably end up in jail for a large section of my life once my court goes through and have had so many of my friends die and now I have nothing at all I made almost half a mil this year and have nothing to show for it now except regret for the love of god talk to your kid don't do something stupid and take his money away(when your in the drug business and know what your doing money is unbelievably easy to get) just try to help him understand that what he's doing will get him locked up or killed!! There's a reason he needs those knives remember that!!!

LoveMeNow

This thread is from 2007!