Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Friends and Family > Friends and Family of Substance Abusers
Forgot Password? Join Us!
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read Chat Room [1]


Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^
OR
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.



Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-30-2007, 10:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: royal palm beach fl
Posts: 9
Unhappy I found out yesterday my husband did cocaine

Hello
my name is Ruth and I have been married to the love of my life for 6 years.
I fond out just yesterday that he did cocaine. he likes to drink, but since he always did it at home I did not worry. But yesterday after a party he was really drunk and after an argument he left, then he came back as good as new (Les then 1 hour). I got really upset because there was no cash left in his wallet. later he confessed that he did cocaine, but he also said that he did not do it for 6 years, but that he felt the need and he does not understand what happened. I am very sad I love him so much but I am afraid that he will do it again. He told me that he will not do it again. He also confessed that he was doing it a lot when we were dating and I mean a lot. One time I did not know were he was for 2 days, but drugs never crossed my mind. We broke up many times because he was telling lies a lot (I was thinking more another woman). I am afraid that he will start again. He has done it twice in about 9 weeks. Can he stop?? or should I think that he is an addict????
He went to an aa meeting today since alcohol gets him to do cocaine. He wants to get help ,but are we in the right path. In the past 2 months we started to save cash every week for a trip in my house and the money was never missing not a penny (it was all cash).
Any advice will be appreciated
alessandraj is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to alessandraj For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012)
Old 10-30-2007, 10:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
*~9 YEARS BABY~*
 
Done_With_It's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,324
Blog Entries: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by alessandraj View Post
Hello
my name is Ruth and I have been married to the love of my life for 6 years.
I fond out just yesterday that he did cocaine. he likes to drink, but since he always did it at home I did not worry. But yesterday after a party he was really drunk and after an argument he left, then he came back as good as new (Les then 1 hour). I got really upset because there was no cash left in his wallet. later he confessed that he did cocaine, but he also said that he did not do it for 6 years, but that he felt the need and he does not understand what happened. I am very sad I love him so much but I am afraid that he will do it again. He told me that he will not do it again. He also confessed that he was doing it a lot when we were dating and I mean a lot. One time I did not know were he was for 2 days, but drugs never crossed my mind. We broke up many times because he was telling lies a lot (I was thinking more another woman). I am afraid that he will start again. He has done it twice in about 9 weeks. Can he stop?? or should I think that he is an addict????
He went to an aa meeting today since alcohol gets him to do cocaine. He wants to get help ,but are we in the right path. In the past 2 months we started to save cash every week for a trip in my house and the money was never missing not a penny (it was all cash).
Any advice will be appreciated
JMO

You can never tell what someone is going to do because there is no rule book, but if I were you, I would sit him down, and set your boundaries right clear right now.

I would tell him you aren't going to be married to a drug addict that isn't the life you choose and if he goes down that road you WILL leave. If he wants to go down he can, but you are not going to go down. Because he will take you with him.


Just my opinion. (and what I would do) Welcome to SR! :ghug3

:ghug
__________________

Living in fast forward
Hollywood RockStar outta control
Need to rewind real slow
Always Runin
Time to take control

Oh yeah ...



Done_With_It is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Done_With_It For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 10-31-2007, 05:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
You ask the question "Is my husband an addict?"

it does sound like he has a substance abuse problem...alcohol is a drug and for many it leads to other drug abuses.....people with substance abuse problems are addicted

I also feel that once you ask the question the answer is usually "yes"...rarely is someone accused unjustly of being an addict (to alcohol or any other drug)

however the issue you need to be most concerned with is how this is going to affect your life...
read thru some of the other posts here at SR
you will find many from spouses who are living lonely, stressful lives

one thing you will learn is how progressive this disease is...
things that he "would never do" become doable
just as situations that could "never happen" eventually do occur

please take the focus off him and educate and prepare and protect yourself

time will tell just how far the disease will take him and you do not have control over that but you can control how far the disease will take you

education is your best weapon

I will keep you and your family in my prayers
__________________
serenity...courage...wisdom

Namaste'
lil
lil516 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lil516 For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 10-31-2007, 05:41 AM   #4 (permalink)
Community Greeter
 
hope213's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,889
welcome to S.R., you have come to the right place. it sounds as if your husband is an addict.he was clean for 6 yrs. & now has opened pandors box again. can he get clean? if he really wants to he can.you can set your boundries & stick to them. it sounds as if he wants to get clean by going to a meeting. that is a good thing if he keeps it up. i am a firm beliver that they can not stay clean without them & the support they get from the meetings. there is nothing u can do to keep him clean. read "what addicts do" at the top of this forum. keep coming back here & get to a naranon meeting or an alonon meeting. take care of yourself & let us hear from you.we care.prayers, hope
__________________
hope213


i can sum life up in 3 words....IT GOES ON!!!
hope213 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to hope213 For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 10-31-2007, 08:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
cece's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 400
Welcome to you! You are among friends. you have made a good choice in the middle of chaos. You are smart because you are now looking for help for you.
I agree with Hope. You need to go to meetings and read the stickies above. they have been my lifeline. Helped me find my way through this. Showed me how i can still love him but, gave me my direction and got me off of his.
:praying Cece
__________________
"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up."
cece is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to cece For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 10-31-2007, 11:14 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Welcome...
Those who are using drugs will lie, cheat, and steal to hide or help their addicition. Be careful and watch, behavior is always the tell-tale sign!
susan
caileesnana is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to caileesnana For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 10-31-2007, 12:46 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 103
one thing you will learn is how progressive this disease is...
things that he "would never do" become doable
just as situations that could "never happen" eventually do occur


Lil56 is exactly right. One thing you can do is protect yourself. Get that money in a safe place.
holdingouthope is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to holdingouthope For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 10-31-2007, 01:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 42
Hi Ruth, welcome.

My husband is the alcoholic addict in my life and his DOC is cocaine too. IMO your husband is an addict. He went down that slippery slope once, crawled out and is on his way back down it again. Welcome to the roller coaster.

All I can say is get yourself all the info you can to help yourself stay sane. Go online and read, read here, go to the bookstore (or library). Read about addiction, read about codependancy and boundaries. A great book I found and have found extreamly useful is Codependant no more. Trust your gut instincts too. Get yourself to an Al-anon or Nar-anon mtg or several.
prairie is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to prairie For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 10-31-2007, 03:06 PM   #9 (permalink)
Forward we go...side by side
 
CarolD's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 37,599
And put the cash in the bank
under your name only.

Welcome to SR!
__________________
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!

CarolD is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to CarolD For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 10-31-2007, 07:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
lightquest's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kalamazoo, MI
Posts: 69
Yeah, setting boudaries right up front is such a good idea. Living with an addict we start to accept behaviors that we would never accept under other conditions. Set the boundaries now before things creep their way to out of control

Think about how you can take care of yourself. If he's going to meetings on his own, that could be a good sign that he wants to be sober. But if you have confidence that you can take care of yourself, you'll be able to maintain a healthy detachment from the hard road he's on. In other words, watch the money.

My (X)abf also uses cocaine. For him it aways starts with the drinking. If the (X)abf can abstain from alcohol he stays away from the coke.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
lightquest is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lightquest For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 11-01-2007, 01:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: royal palm beach fl
Posts: 9
Thanks for the help, I am still in shock and when I look at him I cant believe it, sometimes I think this is a dream and when he tells me that he does not want to do it again, I believe it but then when I am alone I just cry because I picture him doing it again.
I love him with all my heart and I cant picture my life with out him. He is so nice and loving that it makes it harder to believe it. I know that if he has done it twice in 9 weeks, he will probably do it again (I really hope not). He is only 28 years old I am so desperated to help him I dont know what else to do. We have talked a lot for the past 2 days. It gives me hope :0(
Thanks again (it is hard because I have never done any drugs I did not think he would)
Ruth
alessandraj is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to alessandraj For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 11-01-2007, 01:33 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: royal palm beach fl
Posts: 9
Unhappy

Hi everyone

I know that he can do it again, but I want to believe that he will get better, I want him to get better ( because he has done it twice after 6 years of not doing it ??). When I am home with him and I look at him, I dont see an addict, I see a normal person. I am afraid of the rollercoaster, What if I mis the signs!!!
Is it posible that he wont do it again??? isnt it a posibility????
I am so sad it is beyond words.

Ruth
alessandraj is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to alessandraj For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 11-01-2007, 01:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: royal palm beach fl
Posts: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by hope213 View Post
welcome to S.R., you have come to the right place. it sounds as if your husband is an addict.he was clean for 6 yrs. & now has opened pandors box again. can he get clean? if he really wants to he can.you can set your boundries & stick to them. it sounds as if he wants to get clean by going to a meeting. that is a good thing if he keeps it up. i am a firm beliver that they can not stay clean without them & the support they get from the meetings. there is nothing u can do to keep him clean. read "what addicts do" at the top of this forum. keep coming back here & get to a naranon meeting or an alonon meeting. take care of yourself & let us hear from you.we care.prayers, hope
Thanks so much for your possitive words I will not give up on him and I will make sure he goes to the mittings. God Bles
Ruth
alessandraj is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to alessandraj For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 11-01-2007, 03:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
Social Network Moderator
 
Impurrfect's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 28,948
Ruth -

Yes, it is possible he won't do it again. But it has to be HIS decision and something he wants for himself. I am a recovering crack addict and after being clean for a while, I relapsed. THAT was when I decided I never wanted to go back there.

One word of advice....it's not YOUR responsibility to "make sure he goes to meetings". He has to want to go to them for himself, or they will not help him. Meetings don't cure an addict. They only help the addict deal with life and not use. If he truly wants to not use again, he will do the "work" to ensure he doesn't use again (and it IS work - you have to learn other ways to cope with life). But if he goes to a meeting just because you want him to, he will end up resenting you and will get nothing out of it.

Keep posting here, and read other posts. The wonderful people here can help you to learn what is supporting & loving, and what is enabling.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
__________________
"I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer

"You got what it takes you can win, today is your day to begin. - Shania Twain


(Tinker, Elvis [RIP], Patches [RIP] and Mots - Mouth Of The South)
Impurrfect is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Impurrfect For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 11-01-2007, 08:06 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 57
Ruth--

Just wanted to add one more post saying more or less what you've already been hearing. My partner is a coke addict (currently in recovery), and I drove myself crazy asking myself the kinds of questions you are asking above: will she do it again? What if I miss the signs? (I did miss the signs for a long time, too--love can make ya' blind).

In fact, you can drive yourself crazy asking those questions even if your partner never does it again! It's a lot like jealousy, that kind of worrying; it can eat you up.

What Amy says about the meetings definitely matches my experience: I "forced" my partner to go, and she went high the whole time and hated every minute of it. She found her recovery much later, when I let her hit bottom and she wanted to go to meetings for herself.

Over time, I learned to focus on my own reactions, set clear boundaries about what I would and wouldn't tolerate--and stuck to them. I've never felt so relieved in my life as when I finally learned to do that. I hope you find the same as well: focus on the things you can control. Posting/reading here and going to Alanon or Naranon can help a lot.
Yardbird is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Yardbird For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 11-02-2007, 08:58 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, Tn
Posts: 41
Hi Ruth. Welcome to SR. I'm fairly new myself. I came here with the same issues you have, and just want you to know that you have found friends here who care and share in your pain. This site has been WONDERFUL for me!! You might go read a few of my posts, as they sound much like yours.

A few things I would like to tell you is that my husband started doing Cocaine at age 16. He's now 41. In 2004 he switched his vice to Crack. Was clean for a year when he met me in 2005. In 2006, he went back to Crack for 6 months, then he was clean for 1 year. Two months ago he went back yet again. He has been in treatment for the past week away from me and the kids and is supposed to return home tomorrow. HE sought this treatment HIMSELF. THAT is VERY important. Your hubby CAN NOT do this for YOU.....he HAS to do this for HIM for it to work. Last Aug when he quit his 6 month habit I asked him "What can I do to help you stay clean and not do this again??". His reply "Stay in my A** CONSTANTLY, question me, talk to me about it, don't let me forget the screw up I made". So for a year I stayed on his butt, constant questioning him, talking to him, begging him to NEVER do this again, and for a year this worked. BUT, then he tells me....."Stop questioning me, it's not going to happen again, a year of this constant BS over my mistake last year is enough". NOW I realize that the reason he wanted the questions and nagging about it to stop is because he was ready to do it AGAIN, because when I stopped the questions and nagging 2 months ago.....HE WENT BACK!! The point I'm trying to make by telling you this is that you NEED to stay in his butt about it, atleast that's what stopped my husband for a year. Just a suggestion. Also, something else I noticed.....during that year he was clean he NEVER lied to me about anything, no matter how big or small. Two months ago (when the Crack started again), I started catching him in one lie after another, little things, big things, it didn't matter. Just lie, lie, lie.....that was a BIG sign for me. Also, I have learned when they say "never again", uh that is to satisfy YOU for the moment and make you shut up. I'm so sorry to have to tell you that, but I'm only trying to help you by letting you know this. Last year in the 6 months my hubby screwed up, he told me ATLEAST 3 times a week "never again", while using atleast every other day. He even looked me in my eyes and swore to me on his Mothers life (who he loves DEARLY) that it would NEVER happen again, just to turn around and do it again a day or 2 days later!! Know what's strange though?? In his mind and in his heart he DID mean "Never again", yet the drug is stronger and more powerful than he is. There is a post on here somewhere that I've read that tells you how the mind of an addict works. I strongly suggest that you find it and read it. It will help you to understand ALOT more than you probably do right now. Your hubby NEEDS help, they can say all day long that they can do it on their own, but FACT is THEY CAN'T!! Yet, HE has to WANT it.....for HIMSELF. God knows I know what you're going through, I sympathize with you, and you're in my prayers. PLEASE don't think I am trying to discourage you AT ALL. That is NOT my intentions. When I first came to SR I was exactly like you, and I have learned SO much from this site, as you will also. Keep coming back, you have friends here!! Good luck and God Bless!!

HUGS!!
JEN
Afraid 2 let go is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Afraid 2 let go For This Useful Post:
neferkamichael (05-12-2012)
Old 11-13-2007, 01:03 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: royal palm beach fl
Posts: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Impurrfect View Post
Ruth -

Yes, it is possible he won't do it again. But it has to be HIS decision and something he wants for himself. I am a recovering crack addict and after being clean for a while, I relapsed. THAT was when I decided I never wanted to go back there.

One word of advice....it's not YOUR responsibility to "make sure he goes to meetings". He has to want to go to them for himself, or they will not help him. Meetings don't cure an addict. They only help the addict deal with life and not use. If he truly wants to not use again, he will do the "work" to ensure he doesn't use again (and it IS work - you have to learn other ways to cope with life). But if he goes to a meeting just because you want him to, he will end up resenting you and will get nothing out of it.

Keep posting here, and read other posts. The wonderful people here can help you to learn what is supporting & loving, and what is enabling.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
hello Amy

Thanks for the advice, you know after all this happened 2 weeks ago, I have had my ups and downs, sometimes I feel that I hate him, then I feel that I love him, then I feel sorry for him and then I look at him and I just cant believe it. He is very sorry about everything but it is hard to believe him because I feel he has lied to my all this years. I know that sometimes I forget that he is an addict and i am taking everything personal. i just don't want to wonder if he is doing it or not i drive my self crazy and when he is not home i look everywhere to see if he as it somewhere. What if i really miss the signs??? What should I look for???. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life i love him with all my heart, but he has to show the same for me. I have 2 small children and I worry about them. My husband told me that without me he wont make it. I feel that instead of a husband I have a son. He broke my heart in 1 million pieces!!!. He is acting like everything is going to be OK but I am so disappointed, sad and devastated. We are going to go to a marriage counseling next week and he is also going to a substance abuse therapy plus AA.

The therapist told me that this is not my fault. I feel that he does not love me because if he did he would not have done it. When he did it back in august (witch I did not know) in a wedding that we went, we stayed in a 5 start resort, it was like a dream so after the party we went to the pool with a few people late at night so while I went to get my bathing suit he did it (he confessed 2 weeks a go, the second time after that was 2 weeks ago when he got really drunk) that night he was so loving he told me wonderful things it was all love!! I felt like the luckiest woman in the whole world all he did was talk the whole night. But he was under the influence of cocaine and I did not know that really hurts I want a normal guy. At least I can say that he loves me, but it is just alot to deal with.
I don't want to live without him, he is the love of my life, but I am afraid that he will do it again and that scares me too.
Amy sorry that I wrote so much I hope you don't get board with this and sorry if my spelling is not that good
alessandraj is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to alessandraj For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 11-13-2007, 01:16 AM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: royal palm beach fl
Posts: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Afraid 2 let go View Post
Hi Ruth,

First of all, welcome back. We've missed you!!

As for your hubby.....I know what he SAYS.....now let's see some action. As someone told me on here "It's not what he says, but what he DOES that makes all the difference". This is VERY true!! When he SHOWS you that he means what he says, and you stop catching him in lies THEN he will be on his way to recovery and you will feel alot better.

Emotional support for you?!?! Try some meetings, and whatever you do KEEP COMING BACK HERE DAILY!! When I found this site, I was about at the end of my rope. The people here are wonderful, supportive, loving people who can and will help you through this. So keep coming back EVERYDAY posting, reading and believing.

When it comes to your Mother In Law.....it sounds to me that she's in denial, and this is because of her love for him. She doesn't "want" to believe it, so in her mind it's not happening. She doesn't live with him like you do, and therefore it's easier for her not to face it. Yet, she will in her own time. Right now though, you focus on YOU!! Let her face this and deal with it when she gets ready. I know it would be much easier for you if she saw the seriousness of this problem right now, and could be more supportive for you, but fact is.....she doesn't, and you can't make her. At least your Father In Law sees the problem and is trying to help. Maybe he will get through to her in time.

My advice to you Ruth is to keep coming back here DAILY, and pay attention to his ACTIONS not his words, also pray and believe. Recovery CAN happen!!

Love & Hugs!!
JEN

Jen thanks for all the advice and you are right about my mother in law I just did not see it that way, but it makes sense. My husband and I will be going to marriage counseling next week and he is going to a substance abuse therapy plus AA. We`will see f it works (I really hope) at least for me because I don't want to feel sad for the rest of my life.
I will let you know how the therapy went
Ruth
alessandraj is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to alessandraj For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012)
Old 11-13-2007, 06:45 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, Tn
Posts: 41
Ruth,

I noticed what you said to Amy about if he loved you he wouldn't have done it. Sweetie, I felt the EXACT same way!! Thing is that's NOT true. I'm sure he does love you, just as my addict loves me, but REMEMBER the coke has a hold on him and it's strong. It has NOTHING to do with their love for US or our kids. The voices that come with addiction just seem stronger when they want to use, than our voices are. They DO love us though. Be strong!! You're in my prayers

Love & Hugs!!
JEN
Afraid 2 let go is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Afraid 2 let go For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Old 11-13-2007, 10:53 AM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
liesagain's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,848
its a long road and for those of us that have been there..........I can tell you that you are not alone in your fears, thoughts, anger and feelings.......each of us know exactly what your going thru..............

right now alot won't make sense to you and some things that are advised you'll think ...oh no not me not us.............but try to keep an open mind and I recommend that you read..............read and read all that you can find for families with addicted loved ones.........
little by little it starts to make sense and it gets better............for you
regardless of his actions.
its so difficult to seperate the actions from the person.....expecially when you love them yet you have to for you.

I'm sure he loves you, and if love was enought to get and keep them clean none of us would be here............and there would be no addicts...........because they have people they love and who love them
but addiction isnt about love or lack of love...........its an illness

if you can please try to find a family group and take care of yourself!!
liesagain is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to liesagain For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (05-13-2012), josecarla (04-11-2012), neferkamichael (05-12-2012), teke (05-12-2012)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:52 AM.


 
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
 
Drug Rehab | Best Treatment Center | Detox Center | Residential Treatment Center
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
 
Local Treatment Resources and Events
 
Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | DC | Delaware
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming

© 2013 Internet Brands. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Health Disclaimer
A proud member of the SoberRecovery® Network of Addiction and Recovery Websites