Today I wear the crown of Queen Codependant - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

cece · 10-30-2007, 08:49 PM

I'm feeling pretty sucky right now.
The day started when a friend sent me a recent Journal of Medicine article on the affects of Marijuana. She thought I could send it to my son and maybe he'll get some of it. So this gets me in a tizzy again worrying about my son.
I know some people think marijuana isn't that big of a deal. Well it is when you smoke it constantly, make it a part of your religion, and have no desire to do anything else.when you would steal for it, break the law for it, etc.
And I think why not send it ? (Which means I've forgotten the first rule I was taught in Codependency, "If it takes more than 10 words don't say it") So I send him the article and especially highlighted the areas of concern that I had. ( where the heck have I been during my Al-Anon meetings?).

So he calls me with his rebuttal, of course. (Trust me when I say that my son is very intelligent, expresses himself very well, could debate with the best of them. He would pick opposite sides of his view point to argue in school debates just to show he could convince anybody. )He has researched the affects of marijuana, and knows exactly what species effects different areas of the brain. That the government is lying to people, etc. on and on....
So I get into this "discussion about the issue" which gets very heated! ( way beyond the 10 word limit). I said you know, I guess I don't care whether its legal or not. I don't care what affect it has on other people, I care what affect it has on him and Its not good. He's addicted to it. He agreed but said its not a bad thing. He was so calm ( good weed) and I was getting angrier.( very sober!) I ended up hanging up before I started spewing obscenities. I can't believe I went there.

You think you are in a better place and then just like that your serenity is gone. Forgotten!
For weeks I've been talking to him and avoiding topics i know will cause Me stress.
when he asks for money i say "No hon your taking care of yourself these days.How's the weather up there?"
and now, just like that I am back to thinking I can talk him into a better life.

So when he called later. I bluntly apologized for the article. Said its not my business or my life. Its his road to travel. His mistakes to make. ( just a little manpulation)That i loved him but I don't want to hear about it, so I'll not ask about it. unless he wants to talk about getting help of course. ( another try at it).

Oh well. Its so hard when its your child.
But i haven't done much better with my husband ( enabling wise ) this week. :sigh1:
So this week you may crown me. I accept! But...
There is always next week!

**greeteachday** · 10-30-2007, 09:19 PM

Cece, there are plenty of crowns to go around...never fear. I think the fact that you caught yourself, understood and tried again to get back on track is terrific! This stuff isn't easy especially when we have to be the exact opposite of what we thought we should be as moms.

Tomorrow (not next week) is another day for your recovery to be in control. You can have the crown today if you'd like, but I can tell you are ready to relinquish it already. Big hugs from another one who vies for the crown more than I wish I did

Wascally Wabbit · 10-30-2007, 09:40 PM

It;s the parent in us that makes us do these things!! We want SOOOO bad for them to be ok.
But, you're right. Hands off the addict.

You made a little mistake and you recognized it. Good for you. It shows how far you've come!!
Don't beat yourself up. Pat yourself on the back instead!

krhea75 · 10-30-2007, 09:44 PM

Oh cece,
Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember, it's progress not perfection. It sounds like you have been doing the right things. Just get back on that horse.
krhea

Wascally Wabbit · 10-30-2007, 09:46 PM

I bought two. One for me and one for you, LOLOL! ((giggles!))

Spiritual Seeker · 10-30-2007, 10:10 PM

When I was a kid there was a show on TV called "queen for the day"
It was a big deal to be selected. I think it was a big deal for you to be selected...because you stopped and learned your lesson. I think what we are learning only comes to bear when we make the boo boo and then we know how to make amends to someone or usually to ourself and move forward with different behavior. We keep thinking we can "show them, convince them, teach them"
Really we know that those days are gone. They are addicts and only consequences will teach them now. Letting Go is what we can keep trying to practice...and it does take practice

Wascally Wabbit · 10-30-2007, 11:26 PM

I do so remember "Queen for a Day". It was an awesome show!!
The woman was treated like royalty for a week at her own home.
Hmmm, perhaps I should crown myself!

**Ann** · 10-31-2007, 03:36 AM

LOL, Queen for a Day...yup I remember too.

Okay, cece, I agree, you get to be Queen Codie for a Day but only for a day because you caught yourself, made amends (kinda sorta) and learned from this and moved on to be a better person because of it.

I've had my day or three as Queen myself, as have most of us, so there are plenty of crowns to go around.

Help yourself girls...

***hope213*** · 10-31-2007, 05:46 AM

queen for a day.yeap, i remember too. you can b queen today but chalk it up & don't beat yourself up. we all do it sometimes. prayers, hope

cece · 10-31-2007, 07:52 AM

Ha! Ha!

ann and wascally: I love those crowns! They are kinda pretty aren't they? they gave me a much needed laugh this morning!

everyone else: I love you guys!

Always there for me just how I need it! Yeah and I am done beating my self up for it!
Love,
Cathy

parentrecovers · 10-31-2007, 08:17 AM

got my crown on!

Momsrainbow · 11-01-2007, 07:00 AM

I have worn my crown out-I think! AH in jail-rcvd. a letter from him-I just had to answer-he will think the codie bus arrived in Arkansas (hehe). I feel better for it and doing okay-so far. Guess we all have our moments.

Loved the Queen for a Day show-maybe they should revise it and put it back on-would be better than some of the trash shows.

LOL Barbara

Jwife22 · 11-01-2007, 07:19 AM

(((cece))) I think I've got mine on today too! Tomorrows another day. We'll get through it........

10-30-2007, 08:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
cece Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: san diego, ca Posts: 392	Today I wear the crown of Queen Codependant I'm feeling pretty sucky right now. The day started when a friend sent me a recent Journal of Medicine article on the affects of Marijuana. She thought I could send it to my son and maybe he'll get some of it. So this gets me in a tizzy again worrying about my son. I know some people think marijuana isn't that big of a deal. Well it is when you smoke it constantly, make it a part of your religion, and have no desire to do anything else.when you would steal for it, break the law for it, etc. And I think why not send it ? (Which means I've forgotten the first rule I was taught in Codependency, "If it takes more than 10 words don't say it") So I send him the article and especially highlighted the areas of concern that I had. ( where the heck have I been during my Al-Anon meetings?). So he calls me with his rebuttal, of course. (Trust me when I say that my son is very intelligent, expresses himself very well, could debate with the best of them. He would pick opposite sides of his view point to argue in school debates just to show he could convince anybody. )He has researched the affects of marijuana, and knows exactly what species effects different areas of the brain. That the government is lying to people, etc. on and on.... So I get into this "discussion about the issue" which gets very heated! ( way beyond the 10 word limit). I said you know, I guess I don't care whether its legal or not. I don't care what affect it has on other people, I care what affect it has on him and Its not good. He's addicted to it. He agreed but said its not a bad thing. He was so calm ( good weed) and I was getting angrier.( very sober!) I ended up hanging up before I started spewing obscenities. I can't believe I went there. You think you are in a better place and then just like that your serenity is gone. Forgotten! For weeks I've been talking to him and avoiding topics i know will cause Me stress. when he asks for money i say "No hon your taking care of yourself these days.How's the weather up there?" and now, just like that I am back to thinking I can talk him into a better life. So when he called later. I bluntly apologized for the article. Said its not my business or my life. Its his road to travel. His mistakes to make. ( just a little manpulation)That i loved him but I don't want to hear about it, so I'll not ask about it. unless he wants to talk about getting help of course. ( another try at it). Oh well. Its so hard when its your child. But i haven't done much better with my husband ( enabling wise ) this week. :sigh1: So this week you may crown me. I accept! But... There is always next week! __________________ "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up."

10-30-2007, 09:19 PM	#2 (permalink)
greeteachday Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: out there Posts: 2,649	Cece, there are plenty of crowns to go around...never fear. I think the fact that you caught yourself, understood and tried again to get back on track is terrific! This stuff isn't easy especially when we have to be the exact opposite of what we thought we should be as moms. Tomorrow (not next week) is another day for your recovery to be in control. You can have the crown today if you'd like, but I can tell you are ready to relinquish it already. Big hugs from another one who vies for the crown more than I wish I did __________________ To acknowledge life as being filled with opportunity rather than problems is a tiny shift in perspective that gives us huge rewards -Karen Casey

10-30-2007, 09:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
Wascally Wabbit Power is not having to respond Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wabbit Hole Posts: 1,677	It;s the parent in us that makes us do these things!! We want SOOOO bad for them to be ok. But, you're right. Hands off the addict. You made a little mistake and you recognized it. Good for you. It shows how far you've come!! Don't beat yourself up. Pat yourself on the back instead! __________________ The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. Ben Stein

10-30-2007, 09:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
Wascally Wabbit Power is not having to respond Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wabbit Hole Posts: 1,677	I bought two. One for me and one for you, LOLOL! ((giggles!)) __________________ The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. Ben Stein

10-30-2007, 11:26 PM	#7 (permalink)
Wascally Wabbit Power is not having to respond Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wabbit Hole Posts: 1,677	I do so remember "Queen for a Day". It was an awesome show!! The woman was treated like royalty for a week at her own home. Hmmm, perhaps I should crown myself! __________________ The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. Ben Stein

10-30-2007, 09:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
krhea75 krhea75 Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: macomb, il Posts: 575	Oh cece, Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember, it's progress not perfection. It sounds like you have been doing the right things. Just get back on that horse. krhea

10-30-2007, 10:10 PM	#6 (permalink)
Spiritual Seeker get it, give it, grow in it Join Date: May 2007 Location: Calif coast Posts: 2,144	When I was a kid there was a show on TV called "queen for the day" It was a big deal to be selected. I think it was a big deal for you to be selected...because you stopped and learned your lesson. I think what we are learning only comes to bear when we make the boo boo and then we know how to make amends to someone or usually to ourself and move forward with different behavior. We keep thinking we can "show them, convince them, teach them" Really we know that those days are gone. They are addicts and only consequences will teach them now. Letting Go is what we can keep trying to practice...and it does take practice

10-31-2007, 03:36 AM	#8 (permalink)
Ann Sharing Our Light Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 15,038	LOL, Queen for a Day...yup I remember too. Okay, cece, I agree, you get to be Queen Codie for a Day but only for a day because you caught yourself, made amends (kinda sorta) and learned from this and moved on to be a better person because of it. I've had my day or three as Queen myself, as have most of us, so there are plenty of crowns to go around. Help yourself girls... __________________ Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or may blend in with the other surroundings, but it is there, it's your path and it is calling you.~Frankly~

10-31-2007, 05:46 AM	#9 (permalink)
*hope213* Community Greeter Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: twilight zone,usa Posts: 3,342	queen for a day.yeap, i remember too. you can b queen today but chalk it up & don't beat yourself up. we all do it sometimes. prayers, hope __________________ hope213 i can sum life up in 3 words....IT GOES ON!!!

10-31-2007, 07:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
cece Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: san diego, ca Posts: 392	Ha! Ha! ann and wascally: I love those crowns! They are kinda pretty aren't they? they gave me a much needed laugh this morning! everyone else: I love you guys! Always there for me just how I need it! Yeah and I am done beating my self up for it! Love, Cathy __________________ "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up."

10-31-2007, 08:17 AM	#11 (permalink)
parentrecovers Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: USA Posts: 11,851	got my crown on! __________________

11-01-2007, 07:00 AM	#12 (permalink)
Momsrainbow Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 339	I have worn my crown out-I think! AH in jail-rcvd. a letter from him-I just had to answer-he will think the codie bus arrived in Arkansas (hehe). I feel better for it and doing okay-so far. Guess we all have our moments. Loved the Queen for a Day show-maybe they should revise it and put it back on-would be better than some of the trash shows. LOL Barbara

11-01-2007, 07:19 AM	#13 (permalink)
Jwife22 Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: SC Posts: 1,036	(((cece))) I think I've got mine on today too! Tomorrows another day. We'll get through it........

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