I had enough before it really started....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
I had enough before it really started....
Sometimes I sit and think about the what-ifs and whether they would have made a difference or not. From reading a lot of these stories it appears that most people put up with the addiction in great hopes of a happy ending. In my case, I had nothing to do with the addiction or her. When I found out that she was deep into the drug thing...my tough love appeared from no where!! After removing the children from the situation, I told her the only time that she could see the kids is if she passed a drug screening test that I had picked up from the drug store and had waiting by the door. Needless to say, she never attempted to come and visit with the kids because staying clean for a certain numbers of day wasn't in her plans.
When i received the first phone call that she was locked up and she needed bail, I told her, your children need food and clothing and that is where I will use my money. You did the crime...do the time. Even after listening to her lies when she was in jail...she was going to change and wants the kids back in her life....when she got out of jail, I found a shelter for her to live in. I wasn't going to put these children back through all this again. It may appear that I am heartless, but...my compassion was for these two young children who didn't ask to have a mother like that.
The last phone call I had received, her and I argued...loudly..about her lifestyle and the path that she has chosen for her life. To be honest, she has sold her body, stolen, robbed people and place, lied and who knows what else ..to take care of her habit. So....my last words to her were " do not call my house anymore, do not try talking to me or the kids...until you are ready to get help. As explained in my previous or first post...she made the phone call and I did as I said I would..I got her help.
I don't feel confident that this is going to work because even on the 6 hour drive up there...she was still saying...she didn't have a problem and didn't need help. I will do what I can for my daughter but what I won't do is allow her problems to be reflected on me, my children and my grandchildren.
I have shown all my children tough love at one point or another in their lives and they realize that I love them no matter what but there are things that I don't approve of and that I will not allow to happen when under my roof. My son didn't take me seriously when he had his first bout with pot....he found himself living at a friends house because I threw him out of my house. Needless to say, he is back living at home and no longer makes the choice of doing drugs.
I am not saying what I do is right, I am only saying...this is what has worked for my other children, except for my daughter who I feel has more problems then just a drug addiction. Beleive me, she will see and talk to anyone who is willing to help if she plans on having anyting to do with her children. My job is to protect the ones who cannot protect themselves...and...that happens to be the little ones!!
When i received the first phone call that she was locked up and she needed bail, I told her, your children need food and clothing and that is where I will use my money. You did the crime...do the time. Even after listening to her lies when she was in jail...she was going to change and wants the kids back in her life....when she got out of jail, I found a shelter for her to live in. I wasn't going to put these children back through all this again. It may appear that I am heartless, but...my compassion was for these two young children who didn't ask to have a mother like that.
The last phone call I had received, her and I argued...loudly..about her lifestyle and the path that she has chosen for her life. To be honest, she has sold her body, stolen, robbed people and place, lied and who knows what else ..to take care of her habit. So....my last words to her were " do not call my house anymore, do not try talking to me or the kids...until you are ready to get help. As explained in my previous or first post...she made the phone call and I did as I said I would..I got her help.
I don't feel confident that this is going to work because even on the 6 hour drive up there...she was still saying...she didn't have a problem and didn't need help. I will do what I can for my daughter but what I won't do is allow her problems to be reflected on me, my children and my grandchildren.
I have shown all my children tough love at one point or another in their lives and they realize that I love them no matter what but there are things that I don't approve of and that I will not allow to happen when under my roof. My son didn't take me seriously when he had his first bout with pot....he found himself living at a friends house because I threw him out of my house. Needless to say, he is back living at home and no longer makes the choice of doing drugs.
I am not saying what I do is right, I am only saying...this is what has worked for my other children, except for my daughter who I feel has more problems then just a drug addiction. Beleive me, she will see and talk to anyone who is willing to help if she plans on having anyting to do with her children. My job is to protect the ones who cannot protect themselves...and...that happens to be the little ones!!
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Rehab is no silver bullet, and my kids neither one were committed to going and getting clean on the way there.... daughter went at least 4 times, son went once.
Both found better reasons (maybe "real" reasons?) for staying sober AFTER they got home and really started trying to live life. Son made it 18 months - he did a great job, and I had some pretty high hopes for him. But today, he is back out there - his choice. But attending Alanon has allowed me to be a much, much better mom - even though he is not "meeting my expectations"...smile.
Daughter has been clean over 2 years... finally. Her road was far more dramatic and terrifying. And Alanon is helping me understand and accept her for who she really is...again, as opposed to who I 'expected' her to be.
Being a parent is way harder than I thought - and the tough stuff seems to be coming just about the time I thought I'd be "done" and more focused on just MY life.
But I also believe this is all part of a larger plan... and that gives me comfort.
I wish you well.... and hope you continue to read and post - SR rocks!!
Both found better reasons (maybe "real" reasons?) for staying sober AFTER they got home and really started trying to live life. Son made it 18 months - he did a great job, and I had some pretty high hopes for him. But today, he is back out there - his choice. But attending Alanon has allowed me to be a much, much better mom - even though he is not "meeting my expectations"...smile.
Daughter has been clean over 2 years... finally. Her road was far more dramatic and terrifying. And Alanon is helping me understand and accept her for who she really is...again, as opposed to who I 'expected' her to be.
Being a parent is way harder than I thought - and the tough stuff seems to be coming just about the time I thought I'd be "done" and more focused on just MY life.
But I also believe this is all part of a larger plan... and that gives me comfort.
I wish you well.... and hope you continue to read and post - SR rocks!!
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
TrishaV....I haven't had the opportunity to welcome you. You sound like you have things under control....and Bless you for being there for those grandkids. I am somewhat in the same boat, have taken custody of my grandson whose is 12, and we try to help my daughter, but my focus is on HIM!!
She knows we love her and want her back. We are struggling with recovery now. She was clean for about 2 mos, using methadone, and I haven't heard from her in about 2 weeks so fear she has relapsed. It's a hard road!!!
Glad to have you aboard!!
She knows we love her and want her back. We are struggling with recovery now. She was clean for about 2 mos, using methadone, and I haven't heard from her in about 2 weeks so fear she has relapsed. It's a hard road!!!
Glad to have you aboard!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
trisha, you are a very strong woman with great morals. you are doing the right things. i admire you. prayers for your daughter that somehow she will hear something that will work her miracle.
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