relapsed

[teke]

well, he relapsed.
after work, he called, had to meet his probatin officer. he was concerned about going there cause he has a pending case that he got after prison. after 4 hrs, when he didn't show up and didn't answer the phone, i thought that he had gone to jail, so i called a few jail to find out that he wasn't there and then i knew.
no need to call the cell anymore, so we all just went on with the day and night.

he called this morning with all the i'm sorrys, but i expected that.

all i can say is thats his stuff and as long as it don't continue to effect us then i'm ok. he brought money this pay period, but i did let him know that the next time he goes off binging with all the money, for him not to come back here. i explained to him that me and his mom is not helping him and that i would not live the way that i've lived in the past.

he say he understands but i know thats just for today while he's crashing.
he wants to tell me that he can't live without me, and i'm telling him that he can and that he can save all the talk, don't want to hear it.

it funny but i'm not upset, there must have been a reason, why i couldn't get all open emotionally to him. i didn't expect anything more than a relapse, just came a little later than i expected. i don't know how to explain my feelings, other than they are the same as usual. his junk, not mine. he's all depressed and that his depression, i don't have anything to be depressed about, i'm doing what i need to do so far to keep me sane.

[Lovestoomuch]

((Teke))

[dollydo]

Teke,

You have a healthy attitude towards the relapse. That is so good.

Your recovery really has progressed, you are in control of you.

I'm sorry he relapsed, but, I am glad you are so strong.

[GiveLove]

((((teke)))))

I know you're not feeling upset, but I still feel bad about this.

I guess none of us wants to see ANY of them relapse. It's such a terrible life.

Hugs and strength to you to continue doing what you need to do to maintain your sanity.

Love,
GiveLove

[kj0975]

I agree with dolly. Your handling great and staying strong and keeping yourself sane and healthy and worrying about u and not his relapse. Way to go. Sorry it happened though. (((hugs)))

[cece1960]

Teke,
I'm sorry that the relapse occurred but so impressed with how you are handling it.
Keep taking care of you...you're worth it
(((hugs)))
cece

[Cynay]

Just wanted to give you a loving hug.

[marle]

(((Teke))) Sending some big hugs your way. You did good Marle

[helpus]

(((Teke))) I'm sorry. You are sounding strong right now. I hope he finds the right path soon.

[hope213]

(((((teke))))) you are so strong in your recovery.i am proud of you girlfriend... i am really sorry for his relapse though. i hope he goes right back to his program.continue to take care of you.hugs,

[historyteach]

(((Teke))))

Continue taking care of yourself.
You are a great role modelfor the rest of us.

Shalom!

[ConcernedBigSis]

(((Teke))) So sorry to hear that he relapsed. Your strength continues to amaze and inspire me. You recovery sounds so strong Teke, keep doing what you need to do to stay sane.
Love ya Teke.

[parentrecovers]

prayers to you, teke. prayers prayers prayers. k

[hope3]

Sorry for your pain, but pats on the back for telling him what your boundaries are,

teke "he brought money this pay period, but i did let him know that the next time he goes off binging with all the money, for him not to come back here. i explained to him that me and his mom is not helping him and that i would not live the way that i've lived in the past."end teke.

Prayers and hugs, hope3

[Pattilipp]

I agree with Dolly. Your attitude towards his relapse is an inspiration to us all. I can see that you are in control of yourself. You are doing such a great job, not only with your life, but helping the people here at SR. You're a great person teke, hang in there. I'm going to say an extra prayer for you and your husband tonight.

[anvilhead]

only an addict......after going on a little spree, spending $$, not coming home, not calling etc, would come up with "but i can't live without you!!" - uh, honey you were doing just fine without me last nite......i was here, YOU are the one who chose to go elsewhere......

sorry teke, sorry for the stress etc.........

[Elana]

(((Teke)))
Sorry this happened but your strength is our strength and your widom is our wisdom. You are the smart one here.

I will continue to pray for you.

[BigSis]

Ahhhh (((Teke))) Your post is sad, but strong and practical.

I admire you.

[cinderellawkids]

Teke you sound strong. I know how you feel and I feel your pain.
As you know he truly can function without you. My AH is managing, very much to my surprise, lost a bit of weight without the good home cooked meals, but he's still surviving and taking care of himself, and your AH will too.

We are all here for you if you need to talk

[mjpaao]

((Teke))
Hang in there, you sound very strong. Sorry this happened, just as you say that's his junk, not yours. Prayers for your family tonight.

[Ann]

(((Teke))) Even on your dark days, your light is shining through. Keep looking after you, just like you've been doing, and know that we're here and we care.

Hugs

[teke]

thank you all for your many kind and encouraging words, sorry that i've not been around as much, i got this new laptop, and i've been trying to figure out what all the gadgets do. i seem to get addicted to anything i start. kind of got this dvd maker figured out and thats what i've been working so hard on. i'm a self taught comp person, so it takes me a while sometimes to figure stuff out.

now back to ah, i don't know about him, but i guess i feel better since he relapsed and now i know that i have not been so on guard for nothing, and i don't have to fight feeling guilty for not getting all involved with him emotionally and financially.

i know that sometimes after rehab, and a length of sobriety, it may take a relapse of two, before they realize the difference in being clean and active. the problem comes when relapse turns active. i also know that augueing does nothing but help to releave some of the addicts guilt.

the kids and i learned how to not sweat it, while we're still happy, i sure he feels that much worse cause hes the only one whos miserable and i believe in allowing him to stew in his own self made misery. i can't change him and his behavior, but its up to me if i allow his behavior and depression to cause me to have a bad day. when it gets to that, it will be time for him to go.

i don't try to help him not be depressed, i know that its common with crashing and i will not join his pity party. he's the only one whos not all bubbly and joyful. how sad! i honestly believe in letting him have his crashing emotions without my help. we really are ok. i know what it took for me, and now i have you all to keep me grounded and i don't have to fall for everything that he throws my way. maybe this is why i was not so quick to give this proud update, it takes time to tell, that a relapse is not gonna come sooner rather than later or not at all.

if you guys remember, i posted the other day that i thought that i recognized addict behavior and now i know that thats what it was. i thank god, for all of you here at sr, you have been my only support system cause right now i'm having a hard time trying to get to f2f, so i've been here most of the time, until i got this new comp, then there was another thing that helped to occupied my time. well, i think i'm rambling now, so thank you all, and i want you all to know that i really do pray for all of you and your love ones, everyday and night before i go to bed.

[Brownie]

My Dear Teke - Just sending ((HUGS)) and you are already on my prayer list - it scary isn't it when you don't feel upset - our Hp's way of helping us cope - I'm sure I can say how helpful you are to everyone here in SR - keep us posted - you are VERY SPECIAL to us all.

[greeteachday]

Teke, I love you. Thank you for sharing your experience and strength and all the caring in your heart. Your recovery is an inspiration and I know your higher power has been walking with you on this journey. You are living proof that once we embrace the idea that "I can't, He can, I'm going to let him" the journey becomes more serene.
I'm sorry for your husband that he relapsed...I do hope that he can pick himself back up and move forward. I know you will be just fine no matter what happens, although I imagine it is still rather sad to see this occur. I do pray that he can also look to his HP to help him through this difficult time. Hugs and prayers.

[Here_I_Am]

You are such an example of strength and recovery! I know this is a tough time and I'm so proud that you're taking care of yourself and allowing your husband to do the same. I'll be keeping both of you in my thoughts and prayers. May this be the time that makes him remember to remember.

(((Teke))) (((Teke's husband)))