need a plan

[drainedwife]

im pretty sure im done with this roller coaster ride. I have to live in peace now for my kids sake. Otehrwise, he will destroy me emotionally.
I just wanted some help with other who have taken this route. How do I plan this out, or do i just act when im ready. TO put money away would be hard for me because everything we make goes for paying the bills...is there still anyway to do that??? as for anything else that i could do to protect myself please, if anyone has any advise, id love for you to share.

[anvilhead]

ditto what she said! also see what you can do to reduce or eliminate bills or expenses.....simplify as many things as you can NOW so there will be fewer complications down the road. (that's a good idea anyway!!!). i wouldn't announce my plans to the world, just quietly go about building a plan and then putting it into action.

i know there's an urge to bolt, to do something NOW - that's the emotional side and understandable. however its your rational sensible side that will serve you best and get you thru this rocky period. one day at a time..........!!!! take care

[teke]

i agree with the others. first i did what you did, decided to seperate myself emotionally and then financially. it was hard for me too, being on a fixed income but i began to look for affordable housing, saving what i could however small, and went from there. i came up with a plan b, and when the time was right for me, i was able to make the move. i'm so sorry it has gotten to this, but i think you are doing good, you are reaching out for help and this too was a new beginning for me and my kids. keeping you and yours in my prayers.

[Mavis]

When I was ready to leave home, I packed and AH accually helped. The day before I left, I took out enough money from his account to last me for a few months. Was that a bad idea? Who cares. I have a son to take care of. Also you may want to take any recipts of bills, taxes and basically anything of importance.
The day I told my AH I was leaving, I decided to leave in 3 day's. So, I had only 3 day's to prepare and pack.

[parentrecovers]

hello,

my experience was different. when i left my alcoholic, i had a plan and didn't involve him in it at all - kept it a secret. he went to work, my family came, and i packed up and moved out before he came home. i had a lawyer, a counselor for my daughter and i, and a restraining order in place the day i left. it might sound cowardly, but he was mean, and i was afraid of his actions. i had a separate account and rented a small place within my means. i expected no support from him for me or my daughter, and got none.

it's not easy. i understand. i'm proud of you for making the decision that works best for you and your children.

blessings, k

[BigSis]

(((Hugs)))) Hide what money you can, when you can. Leave when the time seems right.

Those were things I did. Like you, I had few resources. I ended up depending a lot on others.

Please know you are in my prayers.

[parentrecovers]

good point, bigsis - i too depended on others for a lot of support. don't be afraid to ask for help. blessings, k

[drainedwife]

i dont plan on packing and leaving...i plan on going to a lawyer and filing and tehn he can leave. Why should i uproot my kids? Besides, i really have no where to go. The problem will be having the courage to go through with it..but in my heart, i know what is best..
also, how do you stop "feeling bad" for them and looking after yourself first.???

[wayconfused]

Like you I live pay check to pay check. And since his money goes to buy drugs. All of mine go on bills. Its hard for me to get all the money I need to move. I did tell my ah I was leaving, though I still haven't due to the money to move with. My advise is if you know youv'e had enough, then be ready when you tell him. Cause the guilt trips and making you feel sorry for him will start. And it is VERY HARD to look at someone you love and see them hurting. and stay strong.... My prayers are with you.. That is something I need help with myself... How do I stay strong ? Am I wrong for not wanting to stay around this time to see if he gets clean? Is he going to kill his self if I leave (thats what he told our daughter he would do)? There is so many doubts and worries I have about it all. Thanks everyone for listening...
Darlene

[anvilhead]

also, how do you stop "feeling bad" for them and looking after yourself first.???

well, you look at the hard facts that HE is living by his own rules, without much concern for his family, his welfare, his future.....he is choosing to use and thus any consequences are of his own doing. if i was playing with a loaded gun and accidently shot my own foot off, would you feel sorry or bad for me, or think i made a stupid decision? same thing.....

it is what is......today these are the cards you've been dealt and must now make the most of........sometimes we just gotta do what we gotta do, even if we don't like it much....

[2CAREBEARS]

Hello All.
I Am Having The Same Problem. I Have Told My Hubby To Leave And He Just Cries And Begs Me And I End Up Letting Him Stay. I Try To Be Nice And See If Those Old Feelings Can Come Back, But Everytime Something Goes Wrong, I Just Keep Seeing How Its His Fault Its Wrong. Eventhough He Has Been Clean And Is Doing Really Good, My Feelings Just Aren't There Andymore. And I Feel Bad Cause He Is Doing So Well And Now I Want Out. I Feel Like Maybe I Should Give Him Another Chances, But Honestly How Many Chances Do They Get???? We Have Already Lost Everything We Had. Including Our Home. I Am Packing Things Everyday. This Crap Sucks

Many Prayers And Hugs To You All.