need opinions please

[lostparent]

She spent 2 months in jail just got out the last of Dec. the charges she has are misdmeaners..We thought she had changed, her bf was in for 5 months also got out in Dec, he has to felony charges an is on 2 yrs probation..don't know anything about the other 2 that were in on it....We were told by someone that worked for child services that if we tried to get custody of the little one that he would be put in foster care until the court or socail services decided if we were good enough to keep him, also said they most likely woouldn't let us because his aunt an her 4 kids live here plus because of our age. He has his own bedroom so having the orther 4 here shouldn't make a differeance, but we have been afraid to take the chance, he would be scared to death if they put him in foster care..she even said they would do that if the father tried to get him too. If Ad would just sign him over to us then the court ansocial services wouldn't get involed or at least that's what we were told..She has kept him away from the drugs , but she has also threatened to take him from us in the past when we made her mad...Her son an the other kids here don't know she was in jail or anything they just think she comes an goes alot. We did kick her out last year for stealing money from the kids banks, but after she got out of jail we let her come back thinking she was trying to change.
Sorry to ramble I'm still shaken by this, an SD will be home soon an I still have to tell her what happened. Thanks to all

[jeepgirl]

Hi Lost,
I am in a similar difficult position. My daughter (21) and her boyfriend(22) have written checks, and run up our credit cards. My husband went to the police, but has since had cold feet. I told her go to rehab or go to jail. Well, it is now two weeks since we found out, and they are still running around on the streets, have been arrested for possession, and they are still free.
At this point, jail would be a blessing, and I am praying for the guts to carry through. It is insane that I don't want to hurt her, and am allowing her to continue to hurt herself this way. I am in a quandary. My husband feels the way some other have expressed it, afraid of her doing real time.
We are depressed and confused.
jeepgirl

[lostparent]

Well just told SD what AD did an she is not a happy camper to say the least..she is driving around trying to cool down some..she is not a codie like my husband an I seem to be. She has always said we are to easy on AD, an right now she wants to beat the crap out of AD. Sad thing is when they were younger it was always SD that spoiled her baby sister, they are 7 years apart, but SD was always taking her little sis to movies an stuff. Then when AD started using drugs it all fell apart SD has no tolrance for what she calls AD's stupidity. Things have been really strained between them since AD stole the kids money last yr. Up until now SD has kept quiet about things out of respect for us an to keep peace in the house. Which is not easy in a house with 5 kids under the age of 7 anyway. LOL
So here I set waiting for the next bomb to go off when SD gets home..I know she has evey right to be mad...just wish she would be mad at the addiction an the drugs an not hate her sister. Would be so much easier if we weren't the ones that would be putting her in jail.. I do believe she would be better off there than out using drugs.

[jeepgirl]

Originally Posted by lostparent

Would be so much easier if we weren't the ones that would be putting her in jail.. I do believe she would be better off there than out using drugs.

Amen to that. Unfortunately, it just not going to be easy, is it, lost. I am almost dreading what will come.
jeep

[jeepgirl]

By the way, are we living in a parallel universe? My Ad stole from my son. It is just what they do to survive.
jeep

[hope213]

this is a big one... i am as mixed up as you. i have never had to face this. we never want our kids in jail & to put them there (even tho they r really doing it ,not us) i do not know if i could..maybe!! we do know it will not get any better only worse.do what u can live with.prayers & hugs,hope

[lostparent]

jeep...My Ad is also 21 an BF is 22..strange isn't it? Her DOC was/is crack, she is also using heroin now, his is heroin .

[pjbs55]

Lostparent,
I was thinking, did the check cashing place say anything about them pressing charges? I'm not sure if they can or not. As for your Grandson, please see a lawyer, it is not fair to you that she keeps saying she will take him. If you see a lawyer you will know what your legal rights are. The social worker might not know the law correctly or what your opitions are.
I have been thinking of you and your family and my heart really goes out to you. It took me 2 weeks to press charges and I kept going back and forth. Please turn this over to your HP, you will know what is right for you at the right time. Just because some of us have press charges does not mean you have to. Do what is best for you and your family. I wanted you to know that I made the decision and it is a hard one, and what has happened to me since. Just wanted to show you what can happen. I pray that your AD wises up and will get the help she needs.
Hugs,

[lostparent]

Thank you ...the check cashing place just ask if we just wanted them not to cash anymore checks for us that one of those 4 brought in, or did we want them to call the police if they tried again . I told her to call the police. In fact I even told my husband that maybe he shouldn't confront her so maybe they would try again an get arrested, I know that was taking the cowards way out but...Anyway he said know cause he wanted his checks back NOW. He didn't get them AD daughter said they tore up the other blank checks claims she felt bad for what she did an wasn't planning on doing it any more, so she tore them up. SD is flipping out cause AD had taken a whole check book from her, ask how does she know AD is telling the truth.. Check cashing place said we could file charges againest them an that they would give us the info to back us up.
Thanks again for all the prayers I've been praying for him to tell me what to do.. lets just hope I hear an understand what his answer is. Everyone on here as been a great help it is so great to be able to talk to other people that have been an are going through this stuff. You'll never know how all of you have helped.

[teke]

is it possible to report those checks stolen or cancel them and order more? knowing how hard it was for me not to do it again, i don't know if i would take that chance. sorry jmop

[lostparent]

Thanks I will suggest Sd stop at the bank an find out..

[Barbdee]

The bank can put a flag on her checking account, so that positive proof of ID is required to cash anything. But if they are not using the bank, that won't help.
If she closes out her acct., she will have to order all new checks. That can get expensive. And if she has any automatic debits or deposits, then all of that info would need to changed. We lost a check once and had to go through all of that. It wasn't easy.
Just some options, that I have done in the past.
hugs & prayers, SM

[lostparent]

Thanks ..it was Check Smart that called us lady said the girl told them she had been babysitting alot for SD, well Sd don't even know the girl!! Anyway, they have notifed all their other locations to call police if they try to cash anymore checks with them..somewhere on the web I read that Walmart is real lax about checking ID's an that they will give you cash back if you write it for more than the purchase. Have ask AD she swears they didn't write anymore an that she tore up the ones left over. Of course she an addict so you have to take it for what it's worth. Sd is going to bank this morning to talk to them.
This making me crazy, where we are they don't have any kind of drug rehab program if your in jail. When they release them they have to go to mental health an it's up to them if you need treatment. Her ADF was told he didn't need any rehab at all when he was relased, an he had gotten caught because he had OD on heroin. She has had to see a drug councilor once a week since she got out.
I would love to see her forced into rehab where she would get help dealing with the addiction, in stead of jail where there is no help. But I realize to that she can't be let to just get by with this..aan I'd really love to see charges pressed againest the other ones. Wish we lived in Oh I hear they place them in rehab alot.

[teke]

i know that you're probably tired of hearing my 2cent, but just want to say that if she continues to use and continue to suffer the consequences of her actions, then hopefully even if she don't go to jail, her addiction will possibly force her into rehab.

[lostparent]

Teke..I'm happy to get your "2 cents"you know alot more about this than I do an every "2 cents" helps LOL I just keep thinking of her sons sad little face the last itme she was in jail..he was fine for the first 2 weeks but after that he would cry at bed time an ask where Mommy was an when she was coming back..he is 4 so I didn't tell him she was in jail just that she had to go away an would come back before Christmas...I HATE DRUGS!!!

[teke]

thank god, that he has you, though. you are a good grandma and mother, you can only do so much, so give your grandson a hug for me

[parentrecovers]

hey lostparent - sorry about your situation. hope you're protecting yourself now by locking up valuables and account info, etc.

addicts steal. my daughter did it without even a blink of an eye. i understand how heartbreaking it is.

blessings, k

[lostparent]

parent ..Sad thing is I had just got 2 lock boxes the last week of Feb because I had a feeling she was using again...locked up credit cards an Sd s rings an stuff , didn't think about the blank checks.
Thanks for the thoughts an blessings..

[hopeforever]

lostparent !!
youre very strong!! God bless u,, everything will be ok .!!

[lostparent]

Thanks.. I don't feel like a strong person, would like nothing better than to have a break down or something an not wake up until everything is better...but I'm sure most of you have felt that way at one time or another..so since I can't disappear I'm just taking it one day at a time, an trying not to worry about the future to much.
I have learned alot on here that God I found Soberrecovery !!!!!!

[bookmiser]

(((((Lostparent)))))

Sorry I'm late coming into your ordeal.
Just finished reading and feel like I've gone back in time.
My son robbed my home of dvd's, video games, jewelry, and checks.
The checks is what worried my husband and I the most.
Of course he wrote them. We called the police and he was arrested within just a few hours.
Wish you could read my "past", but it's gone now. lol
Long story short...
He spent 6 months in county prison and when he went to court, I dropped the charges. I wish now that I had stuck to them and made him do the time.
He's still out there, and yes, using. He was also stopped recently for no headlights on when pulling out of a parking lot. His friend, if you want to call him that, was driving, but they were both checked. My son was carrying pot.
He didn't arrest them, but told them they would have to show up in court.
My son quit his job immediately and is in hiding here now. Not only is he on probation in pa., and in violation of that, warrants and all, he now has a warrant here. It's just a matter of time...
I feel for ya, sweetie. It seems she is on a downward spiral.
Let it happen. I know it's hard. I really and truly do.
Remember, hindsight is 20/20.
You will look back and wish you had done what you could to stop this.
All said with love and understanding,
Linda

[lostparent]

Book...Thanks for telling me your story I know something needs to be done..I just have to get the courage to do it. I'm a whimp when my thumb was hurt I walked around in pain for months before going to the doc because I was afraid of what they would do, turns out it was a simple 1/2 hr surgery an it was fixed no more pain, I suffered more during those months of waiting...this with AD is alot like that only on a bigger scale..