Does it make a difference

[Brammy]

I have a friend whose SO is an alcoholic. She seems to always choose these types for companionship. Her SO is pleasant but talkative when he drinks, mine is not. She syas that she attends AlaNon and not only enables his addiction but supplies the means. I don't agree and she thinks I'm being unfair.

Is it just what you choose to accept? We both disagree because I look at the long term health consequences. I would also like to spend my time with someone who is coherant and don't want to make all the decisions. She thinks that you just accept it as it is. If this is the case I know that I am right for ending my relationship. Its just not an example I want to set in my family. I don't want the embarrasment of my husband staggering around the neighborhood and making an ass of himself. Personally I don't care how pleasant you are if you are drunk, myself included, you make an ass of yourself unless you do it alone.

What am I missing? Is it true that to have a relationship with these people you have to 'just deal with it'? Support their habit if it makes them happy? My SO has gone past the point of functional drunk. He can't start the day without drinking and no legit job is going to have a worker on the job drunk. Her SO is the same but she handles the majority of the financial responsibility. They both work odd under the table construction jobs and get a fraction of their worth but I believe it is a trade off they are both willing to make in order to drink the way that they do.

I feel that I am trying to impose my values on people who don't share the same values as I do. I just think an adult's first responsibility is to support their household and if alcohol is a deterrent to that, then indulge your habit but not at the expense of your responsibilities.

I just had a different way ofdealing with my SO. If he were goingto drink, I would not be around nor when he was drunk. She seems to think that this is mean and hurting his self-esteem while adding to the problem.

[Beautiful]

She enables his addiction and supplies the means.

Like lifestyles seek like lifestyles for that is where they find support in making crappy choices.

[cwohio]

it's her choice - and it's yours to live how you feel is the best for YOU! personally i think i like your mindset!

[Minx1969]

Brammy,

Life is all about choices and what's best for you..I'm in Alanon for 15 months now and I see all sorts of people making choices..I don't judge..I just made the best choice for me..

For me - I could not stand being in a relationship with an alcoholic..the last time we broke up..was the last time because I stayed away..

today I'm dating a wonderful responsible man who is not an alcoholic..

People who do stay make appropriate choices for them and they do have a level of acceptance..

[FriendofBill]

She is in *her* disease full blown. You are going to have to accept HER as a sick person, not just him.

The dance of insanity is one I prefer to sit out.

[Brammy]

Thanks guys, I was wondering if I was just being unreasonable. I love my x SO and sometimes its hard to think about how great things were before the addiction got the best of our relationship. I guess she made me wonder if I were asking too much and maybe if I had not demanded he choose we could still be happy.Thanks again

[Minx1969]

Brammy -

I think about that occassionally too..was I asking too much?

Turns out that was the wrong question..The real question was - did I want to live that way?

Today with the new guy (he's not an A)..my needs are met..and then some..I don't have to ask..it's natural it's easy..