 |
|---|
 |
 |
 |
| | |
|
| |||||||
 | Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community Already registered? Login above ---^ OR To take advantage of all the site’s features, become a member of the supportive Sober Recovery Community. Ads will no longer appear on the forums if you are a registered user |
 |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
10-04-2005, 09:45 PM
| #26 (permalink) |
| too much on my plate!!  Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
|
Well I guess that pretty much knocks out 90 percent of the male population, as far as red flags go!
__________________ There's no way around the pain, you just have to walk through it...  |
|      |
|
10-05-2005, 01:13 AM
| #27 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: May 2004 Location: England
Posts: 3,410
|
Girlfriend - I think they make the point that they could apply to women or men. If they got too PC about it and wrote he/she and his/her, the list would be impossible to read. I don't think this men-bashing at all. Why on earth would anyone think that? It's not about all men, it's about unhealthy men. And Savana - please don't be so pessimistic. There are loads of healthy men out there. You've just not been interested in them up to now... And Gabe - I love the heartless bitches thing too. I think that's cos I was called that so much that I reclaimed the phrase for myself, much like the gals on that site. |
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 08:08 AM
| #28 (permalink) | ||
Starting over Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 3,118
| Quote:
 Quote:
Mike :-)
__________________ Sunsets are not endings. If I have enough faith, they are beginnings. | ||
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 08:12 AM
| #29 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
| Quote:
Cuz the website's title says it all......heartlessbitches.com. I don't buy all of that. It was written prolly by a few ladies that got really burned by some "unhealthy" men. I still have hope for the good men out there. 
__________________ ~If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God~  | |
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 08:14 AM
| #30 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Jasper, GA
Posts: 239
|
Parsing words Mike...kinda like me...I didn't have a drinking problem...I had a quitting problem. BubbaBob
__________________ "I thought my sobriety would impress God and that He would open the gates of heaven and let me in. I was disappointed when He didn't. Then I found that He had, instead, opened the gates of hell and let me out." |
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 08:21 AM
| #31 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: England
Posts: 3,410
|
Girlfriend, hon, they are being IRONIC. How many times have you been called a heartless bitch because you stood up for yourself? I almost changed my name by deed poll to "Ice Queen" because my ex called me that so much. Funnily enough, it was every time I enforced a boundary..... I'm puzzled about your use of "unhealthy". Why the quotation marks? Are these red flags not sugns of unhealthy behaviour? |
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 08:46 AM
| #32 (permalink) | ||
Starting over Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 3,118
| Quote:
Quote:
Whadya think? Mike :-)
__________________ Sunsets are not endings. If I have enough faith, they are beginnings. | ||
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 03:16 PM
| #33 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
|
See, I have to agree with all these red flags and relationship blah blah. The way I see it, the happy part is always at the beginning flirting part where there isnt really much a relationship and so I figured if you can skip the relationship part and only enter in the beginning, go through the happy part, then switch to another happy partner and keep hoping, then your always in the happy zone. So thats why I'm not looking into dating cause not interested in the relationship part anymore. 
__________________ Conquering the world one dream at a time... |
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 05:15 PM
| #35 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: England
Posts: 3,410
|
I've been thinking about this thread a lot today and the various responses it generated. I need a list like this. I am 32 and I want to have a loving, caring, open and equal partner in my life and one day hope to start a family with that person. I am perfectly OK with being on my own - in fact, this is month 10 of the longest continuous spell of singledom since I was 16 and I have barely thought about being alone. However, if I want what I stated earlier, I haven't time to take a chance and prove any of these red flags wrong over time. I think I'll leave those guys for other women and I am certain that many will form wonderful relationships. |
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 05:30 PM
| #36 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
|
I've been busy at work so haven't really had the time to read or post the past few days.. Minnie - I took that list of red flags and emailed them to a few friends of mine who needed them (because they ignore them every time)..My new boyfriend and I looked at heartlessbitches.com together and laughed..Love that site!! I think I'm going to become a member.. It does apply to men and women equally.. Personally - I think that red flag list is great...My new boyfriend and I went down the list together and neither of us had any one on the list..So..I think it's a healthy relationship.. BUT from my past experience I could probably add a few red flags of my own: If he tells you that he's not good enough for you - believe it!! hmm..I ignored that one about 3 different times..guess what? They were right.. Another friend of mine starting dating this guy..we looked up his divorce record (it's free and it's public record)..Said he had an order of protection against him..She chose to ignore that..He had all the classic signs of an abuser yet she bought into his story that it was his wife.. After about a month of more red flags (I gave her a list of abuser characteristics and behaviors) she let that relationship go.. Savana- There are great wonderful healthy men out there..It just takes us working on ourselves..maybe dating against type and walking into a friendship that develops into a relationship..Also I strongly believe we have to be ok with ourselves and perhaps being alone (not needing a relationship) in order to have an ok relationship.. Minnie - I have no doubt you will find a wonderful man to share your life with..hell I'm 36 and I think I finally found him! Minx A healthy relationship is about interdependence not co-dependence..big different...
__________________ Every instance of heartbreak can teach us powerful lessons about creating the kind of love we really want. Martha Beck, O Magazine, February 2003 |
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 05:33 PM
| #37 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: England
Posts: 3,410
|
Love you, Minx. I can't disagree with one thing you have posted above. In fact, I think that probably goes for anything you have ever posted. You sure you're 36? Feels like we're twins sometimes. You know, I chose the name Minnie from a British cartoon character called........Minnie the Minx. Spooky eh?
|
|
| |
|
10-05-2005, 06:08 PM
| #38 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
| Quote:
Everybody has a part of them that is unhealthy. If we were perfect, we wouldn't need any help. I just think that the focus has been put a little too much on men, lately, in the negative and that's understandable, but I felt the need to try to level it out a bit. Just my .02 worth. Savana........you're okay, girl! Hang in there.
__________________ ~If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God~ | |
|
| |
|
10-10-2005, 05:45 PM
| #41 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Syracuse, New York
Posts: 21
|
Thanks NGAIRE for locating this for me!! Minnie - You are great!!! I wish I had seen this list 22 years ago when I was just dating my AH! I think things would have turned out differently for me! Suzie |
|
| |
|
03-14-2006, 11:19 AM
| #44 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
|
meant to print it out the first time around... just printed it now..... taking it out with me on my next date....... look out boys......
__________________ Patty  you either make dust...or eat dust. H. Jackson Brown Jr. |
|
| |
|
03-14-2006, 11:48 AM
| #48 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,061
|
This list is not complete. My last boyfriend's contribution: 101. On birthdays and holidays, refuses to give gifts, especially when he knows you are a sentimental, generous person on his birthday. When it gets mentioned, he gives you: 1 case of paper towels, 1 case of toilet paper, a box of light bulbs, a can of ground coffee and a card saying "Its the thought that counts". And he proceeds to become VERY angry that you even DARED to express your feelings:, that wee bit of disregard and disappointment you felt. He finishes up by punishing you for having the gall to question his motives, so he refuses to speak to you for 4 days and goes out with another woman that night.
__________________ i close my eyes and see clearly i stop trying to listen and hear truth i am silent and my heart sings i seek no contact and find union i am still and move forward i am gentle and need no strength i am humble and remain whole (ancient taoist meditation) |
|
| |
|
| Bookmarks |
| Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
| |
| |
© 2011 Recovery Marketing Services, Inc. |
Nyah, nyah.
Linear Mode
