acceptance

[emily33]

Acceptance is redefining itself to me.

I am very courious what acceptance means to others!!

[cloudy]

Hello, one night about a month ago in Alanon that was the subject. It was really good. The thing that stuck with me from it was that acceptance is not about 'putting up with' but about accepting what is. Expectations and boundaries are outside of it. It's just about coming to terms really....but completely separate from 'putting up with'

hope it helps some. it helped me that night when i heard it

[FriendofBill]

Not asking "Why" something is..............is acceptance to me.

[equus]

I think of acceptance as part of something rather than in isolation or as a 'complete' end goal.

I believe life is like a game of cards - some parts dealt but we hold the decision what we do with those cards. To me acceptance is to know that life is fluid and holds surprises but we keep control over how we live it. My sense of my life is my sense of my learning, my own mistakes teach me tolerance, hurt teaches me compassion, fear teaches me understanding. Acceptance is knowing that hard things as well as easy ones will cross my path.

Like Forest Gump said:
"Life is like a box f chocolates - you never know what you will get."

But hopefully over time I learn to chose more wisely and be more accepting of the occassional strawberry cream (yeah - right, not this decade!!).

[cwohio]

it's more a gut feeling for me - "it is what it is" - and letting it go.

equus - you can pass the strawberry creams over to me ok? lol

[GettingBy]

Acceptance for me means being honest with myself. Seeing people for who they are, not who I want them to be. Not trying to read people's minds or trying to figure out why they do what they do... just that they do what they do, b/c that's what they do!

Acceptance doesn't mean liking something, or even tolerating it, it just means that I know that there's nothing I can do to change it. It allows me to decide what I need to do to take care of me.

I guess acceptance also means I stop wishing things would be different, and start taking actions to make things better myself. Like the serenity prayer says...

God grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Some things just are what they are... that's acceptance to me.

Thanks for listening,
Shannon

[cloudy]

I very much like the way Getting By has explained it. Very good. Also it's one of those stages of grief, which can explain the difficulty in reaching it, yet the big 'moving forward' it helps bring about once it has been reached in each circumstance.

[Jewgirl952]

CWOHIO, yours is the only one so far that holds the same meaning of acceptance that I do. My father used to always say, "It is what it is". In fact, it was his favorite saying. He died in 2001, but I find myself often hearing him say that in my mind. Acceptance is letting go, realizing that it is what it is, not trying to change it, not trying to improve it, just accepting it. Accepting something is letting it be on its terms. It does not, however, mean you have to have it in your life. It just means that you accept it as it is. Sometimes we find ourselves accepting that an AH is not going to change, like after 5 DUIs, etc. and we just accept and then let go. It's saying that you recognize they are what they are, but it's not for you, thank you very much, and then you're finally able to stop struggling and go on with life.

[Jewgirl952]

Shannon, excuse me, I just read yours again. Yes, your definition of what it means to you is the same as mine. Kutos!!

[nocellphone]

I like what p. 449 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says on the subject of acceptance:

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

In a thousand years, I could never express it as eloquently as this man did... Thank you, Dr. Paul Ohliger, for putting your idea of acceptance into words and sharing it with the world!

[JT]

NCP...you got there first! One thing I know for sure after being around a while is that statement is absolute. When I am off balance there is always something, someone, some place that I am not accepting as I should.

Until I accept that "it is what it is" I can't make an informed choice. That's why the 3 A's are a life law with me. Awareness, Acceptance, Action.

JT

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by nocellphone

I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

Now...did I hear something about strawberry creams?
I'll make the coffee.

[splendra]

to me acceptance is the solution of the formula of my grief

The fog of denial is gone +
I have made all the bargins+
gotten very angry+
come out of my depression =
acceptance....

[Dan]

JT posted this once in a thread upstairs, where a bunch of us alcoholics were doing what it seems we do best, fighting and bitching...

I can tell you...there is a lot of peace on the other side of acceptance.

[cwohio]

wow - all these posts are very thought provoking. i am so glad i can come here and read all the wonderful feedback you all provide - food for thought!

food - did someone mention food? (stawberry creams to be exact) LOL

gabe - is the coffee ready yet?

[equus]

[cwohio]

oh equus - how dare you tempt me so early in the morning - i may have to run out today and satisfy my sweet tooth!

can you ACCEPT that there are peeps that love stawberry creams?

[Gabe]

cw...feedback and foodback.
Coffee's ready...

and I brought croissants and pastries to go with the strawberry creams.

[cwohio]

:faint - oh my gosh - now i AM going to the store today! LOL

[JessicaNAJ]

Great thread Emily.....

[meli2005]

I think acceptance is not trying to look at every reason for why a sitaution is happening. It just is what it is! It can take a lot of time for others and a very short time for other people.

[equus]

Originally Posted by cwohio

can you ACCEPT that there are peeps that love stawberry creams?

Yes, they get jobs in circus sideshows don't they? People pay, then wince as the strawberry cream is eaten. Other than that they are purely used to give everyone something to avoid in a box of chocolates.

[Cynay]

OK... now that I have gained 10lbs from looking at that... can someone pass the "real" cream for this coffee.

I dont know what acceptance really is, Im fighting it right now. Not so much with an ex or anything but more with life. A friend told me it was alot of letting go and letting God, Im not real good with that one either but progress not perfections right.

Dont mind me, I think Im depressed today....... More pastries please

[cwohio]

[emily33]

I went to a f to f meeting on Friday night, it was good to be there, I havent been to a f to f in a very long time. I was able to see familiar faces and that was nice. There were so many there this past Friday that we had to break off in two groups

Are topic, acceptance. I have spent way to much of my life fighting for change, and not accepting things the way they are. I didnt realize how much time was spent trying to change things, the heartache of pleading and wondering why.

It is what it is, I can chose to stay away from things that I think are unacceptable for me in my life, but have no right to tell other people what should or shouldnt be acceptable in there life.

This is something that my father always told me, and it really hits home to me with acceptance. You had better like who you marry, because you are not going to change him. Loving someone for who they are, not who they could be.