I don't understand him - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

hopealwayz · 08-27-2005, 11:28 AM

Want to hear a really twisted detail? I was talking to my friend yesterday and I was just joking around and said, "well, you can only take little bits of me at a time". He actually agreed and told me in a not joking way that I was overwhelming for him because I am a happy and perky person. He asked me out to lunch later and we talked about this farther....

He said that he can only take happy people in moderation because he felt miserable. I said, "so you would rather me be sad and miserable?".
..........he actually said that he was jealous of my happiness.....I told him that he could have it too and to just have faith.
.......I will just pray for him and hope he finds what he is looking for in life.

JessicaNAJ · 08-27-2005, 12:44 PM

Sounds like he's looking for sympathy.

Good for you for being so happy. I'm happy for you

brightlight · 08-27-2005, 02:57 PM

I think there is something to this. If I am upset with my husband at the bar then he stays long and seems to be more of in a good mood, but if I do not call him at the bar and he comes home and the kids and I are laughing and having fun then he is MAD. He does not know how to laugh or have fun unless he drinks and I think he is jealous of me. When we first met I was happy and laughing. I hardly laugh at all anymore and about a month ago the kids and I went for a walk. I had started walking in the evening and I was talking and laughing, and then said I was going for my walk, and he headed straight to the bar. Actually, looking back on all this, he had not been drinking for 7 years and he got this job he loves and worked there a year under lots of stress and around alcohol and never drank, but the next year I got a job at home and he started acting crazy, saying I was more interested in my job than him. We were broke and I studied to get this job so we would have more money and the day I told him I passed my final test and was offered a job he got quiet and did not act like it was great news. He then started accusing me of liking my job more than him and he started drinking again and told me I did not pay enough attention to him when I was almost sick from lack of sleep from this job and taking care of the kids, and my mother was sick and I was taking care of her and she was dying. He made my life hell! He was so jealous when I would talk to other people that work where I work or my boss. He could not stand that I was happy and successful. Jealously ate him up and still does, so I guess to make him happy I would have to quit my job and do nothing right. We were at the fair and a mother was there with her daughter and the girl was dressed nice and her hair was nice, and he said the mother did a good job getting the girl ready for the fair, she was showing a 4H lamb. Never does he give me compliments about the kids on the way they look or what we have accomplished. Our daughter has to say, do I look pretty Daddy or see what I drew Daddy, isn't it pretty, or our son asking, do you want to see what I can do Daddy? NEVER does he say let me see your school work or that is good or you look nice, or walk in a room and say you look nice honey, or I like your new clothes. I bought a new cookie jar and it was on the cabinet for a couple days and I waited to see if he would say anything and he went out of his way not to mention the cookie jar. No way was he going to say what I wanted to hear. He was sure I would say, did you see the cookie jar, isn't it pretty? I did not say that, but told him I knew he did not say anything on purpose. I wore a new necklace the other day and he said nothing. Our son said I like your necklace Mommy and daughter said same. He never opened his mouth. He is sooooooo sad, has a wife that loves him, 2 kids that love him, the best job he ever had, me working, money in the bank, nice truck, all of us in good health, except for his drinking. Just stupid.

ASpouse · 08-27-2005, 06:44 PM

I think that obsessively happy perky people are really very unhappy and they wear their happiness like a shield, to hide what will hurt them too much, if they confronted their fears head on.

Sort of like an alcoholic, only they use booze to hide their fears.

meli2005 · 08-27-2005, 08:15 PM

I guess you can say he's honest about his feelings. Probably most would never admit that to someone. Stay happy.

08-27-2005, 11:28 AM	#1 (permalink)
hopealwayz Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: somewhere Posts: 3,509	I don't understand him Want to hear a really twisted detail? I was talking to my friend yesterday and I was just joking around and said, "well, you can only take little bits of me at a time". He actually agreed and told me in a not joking way that I was overwhelming for him because I am a happy and perky person. He asked me out to lunch later and we talked about this farther.... He said that he can only take happy people in moderation because he felt miserable. I said, "so you would rather me be sad and miserable?". ..........he actually said that he was jealous of my happiness.....I told him that he could have it too and to just have faith. .......I will just pray for him and hope he finds what he is looking for in life. <!-- / message -->

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08-27-2005, 02:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
brightlight brightlight Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Detachment Posts: 201	I think there is something to this. If I am upset with my husband at the bar then he stays long and seems to be more of in a good mood, but if I do not call him at the bar and he comes home and the kids and I are laughing and having fun then he is MAD. He does not know how to laugh or have fun unless he drinks and I think he is jealous of me. When we first met I was happy and laughing. I hardly laugh at all anymore and about a month ago the kids and I went for a walk. I had started walking in the evening and I was talking and laughing, and then said I was going for my walk, and he headed straight to the bar. Actually, looking back on all this, he had not been drinking for 7 years and he got this job he loves and worked there a year under lots of stress and around alcohol and never drank, but the next year I got a job at home and he started acting crazy, saying I was more interested in my job than him. We were broke and I studied to get this job so we would have more money and the day I told him I passed my final test and was offered a job he got quiet and did not act like it was great news. He then started accusing me of liking my job more than him and he started drinking again and told me I did not pay enough attention to him when I was almost sick from lack of sleep from this job and taking care of the kids, and my mother was sick and I was taking care of her and she was dying. He made my life hell! He was so jealous when I would talk to other people that work where I work or my boss. He could not stand that I was happy and successful. Jealously ate him up and still does, so I guess to make him happy I would have to quit my job and do nothing right. We were at the fair and a mother was there with her daughter and the girl was dressed nice and her hair was nice, and he said the mother did a good job getting the girl ready for the fair, she was showing a 4H lamb. Never does he give me compliments about the kids on the way they look or what we have accomplished. Our daughter has to say, do I look pretty Daddy or see what I drew Daddy, isn't it pretty, or our son asking, do you want to see what I can do Daddy? NEVER does he say let me see your school work or that is good or you look nice, or walk in a room and say you look nice honey, or I like your new clothes. I bought a new cookie jar and it was on the cabinet for a couple days and I waited to see if he would say anything and he went out of his way not to mention the cookie jar. No way was he going to say what I wanted to hear. He was sure I would say, did you see the cookie jar, isn't it pretty? I did not say that, but told him I knew he did not say anything on purpose. I wore a new necklace the other day and he said nothing. Our son said I like your necklace Mommy and daughter said same. He never opened his mouth. He is sooooooo sad, has a wife that loves him, 2 kids that love him, the best job he ever had, me working, money in the bank, nice truck, all of us in good health, except for his drinking. Just stupid.

08-27-2005, 06:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
ASpouse Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Sussex, NJ Posts: 1,331	I think that obsessively happy perky people are really very unhappy and they wear their happiness like a shield, to hide what will hurt them too much, if they confronted their fears head on. Sort of like an alcoholic, only they use booze to hide their fears.

08-27-2005, 08:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
meli2005 Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Parker, CO Posts: 495	I guess you can say he's honest about his feelings. Probably most would never admit that to someone. Stay happy.

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