Alcoholic Children
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Alcoholic Children
I'm learning so much from all of the posts. I honestly believe that I was sent to this forum by my HP.
Is there a particular post by others of alcoholic children (teens/ young adults)? Or if you are a parent of an alcoholic child do you mind posting so I can go through your old posts?
Most of the parents I know just think it is normal to have a child drink at this age and don't understand that it can get to alcoholic level at such a young age. One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that AS knows that we have acknowledged his problem early. Hopefully, he will also acknowledge it and get into a recovery program.
Is there a particular post by others of alcoholic children (teens/ young adults)? Or if you are a parent of an alcoholic child do you mind posting so I can go through your old posts?
Most of the parents I know just think it is normal to have a child drink at this age and don't understand that it can get to alcoholic level at such a young age. One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that AS knows that we have acknowledged his problem early. Hopefully, he will also acknowledge it and get into a recovery program.
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There are some movies about this topic online for free, and you can buy the whole series pretty inexpensively.
HBO: Addiction
There is one about adolescents and another one that talks about how alcohol affects the alcoholic that was very instructive to me. The latest research is concluding that alcoholics experience alcohol differently than normal people do. It gets them higher, it gets them drunker, and the brain craves it more intensely. People report these feelings in retrospect, too, like when dad let them sip the foam off their beer as kids, or like when they experimented in high school.
HBO: Addiction
There is one about adolescents and another one that talks about how alcohol affects the alcoholic that was very instructive to me. The latest research is concluding that alcoholics experience alcohol differently than normal people do. It gets them higher, it gets them drunker, and the brain craves it more intensely. People report these feelings in retrospect, too, like when dad let them sip the foam off their beer as kids, or like when they experimented in high school.
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This topic is very close to home & the heart for me. I still carry lots of guilt of what I amy have passed onto my children. I drank for 40 years. Once I became sober (19 months ago)...my daughter got her first DUI. My son was arrested for drug possession and just got his 2nd DUI. I try to tell myself that actions speak louder than words...now. But what has my past done to alter their behavior. It eats away at me often. I try & tell them that alcoholism/drinking leads to NOTHING good. It took me to rehab, to jail and to so much pain. Moving forward sober now, it is hard for me to let go of what has happened to them. I also think now too, of the pain I put my parents through all of this, knowing how I feel about my children.
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Dandylion - I did and I'm reading back. Also found on the topic below this one there are lots of different stickies that directly relate to parents of alcoholics. This place is amazing and I appreciate all the support I have already received.
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Originally Posted by bryangt 
This topic is very close to home & the heart for me. I still carry lots of guilt of what I amy have passed onto my children. I drank for 40 years. Once I became sober (19 months ago)...my daughter got her first DUI. My son was arrested for drug possession and just got his 2nd DUI. I try to tell myself that actions speak louder than words...now. But what has my past done to alter their behavior. It eats away at me often. I try & tell them that alcoholism/drinking leads to NOTHING good. It took me to rehab, to jail and to so much pain. Moving forward sober now, it is hard for me to let go of what has happened to them. I also think now too, of the pain I put my parents through all of this, knowing how I feel about my children.
Congrats to you for being sober. Hugs to you on dealing with your children.
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This is my first day here, we have an AS who is 35 and lived most of his life with us. He got sober a year ago, we thought, he was living on his own, then got a second DUI just a few days before it would have been 5 years since the last one. He went to jail and when he got out we let him come back home. He has bee here since Nov 2011 and his alcoholic behavior in combination with weed has gotten completely out of control. My husband wants to throw him out, the addiction counselor want to file a Marchment act and send him to rehab, I don't know what to do? Help!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Your post/thread has finally brought me out of lurkdom! Our stories are very similar, so I thought I would share-
My 22 year RAS is also an alcoholic. He is presently living in a sober living facility. My RAS knew he had a problem with drinking for at least a year before recovery was sort of forced on him as he ended up hospitalized for extreme alcohol intoxication. He tried stopping or controlling on his own many times and was never successful.
The short version of his story: Earlier this year, he was hospitalized and ended up receiving a much needed detox. From there he went to his first rehab experience which was basically more detox. He was discharged in six days and told to go to AA and out patient rehab. We were so hopeful for the first time in years. We should not have been, he started drinking within a day or two believing that he could now control it. (? pink cloud)
Within a week he ended up hospitalized again with severe alcohol intoxication. This time we chose to send him to a 30 day inpatient rehab (on our dime) He did well and really embraced sobriety. Of course, this was all new to us. From there, they recommend an extended rehab program (more money!). He did not want to go because he had this beat, wanted to get his life back on track, etc. We decided he was not ready to come home and sent him to the continued rehab program.
His story isn't over yet- and we're coming to terms with this being a lifetime disease. He recently after five months sober had a relapse (drank a small amount of "found" alcohol), confessed pretty quickly and is back to working on his sobriety in a sober living facility.
I don't know the amount of alcohol your son is drinking, but stopping cold turkey is very hard due to the body's physical dependence of the alcohol. It can also be dangerous. Is a detox/rehab a possibility for your son?
(I read on here daily- but there don't seem to be as many parents to young adult alcoholics. Most it seems are opiate addicted as has been my son's experience in rehab. For the most part I do believe addiction is addiction- but I think there are some differences.)
My 22 year RAS is also an alcoholic. He is presently living in a sober living facility. My RAS knew he had a problem with drinking for at least a year before recovery was sort of forced on him as he ended up hospitalized for extreme alcohol intoxication. He tried stopping or controlling on his own many times and was never successful.
The short version of his story: Earlier this year, he was hospitalized and ended up receiving a much needed detox. From there he went to his first rehab experience which was basically more detox. He was discharged in six days and told to go to AA and out patient rehab. We were so hopeful for the first time in years. We should not have been, he started drinking within a day or two believing that he could now control it. (? pink cloud)
Within a week he ended up hospitalized again with severe alcohol intoxication. This time we chose to send him to a 30 day inpatient rehab (on our dime) He did well and really embraced sobriety. Of course, this was all new to us. From there, they recommend an extended rehab program (more money!). He did not want to go because he had this beat, wanted to get his life back on track, etc. We decided he was not ready to come home and sent him to the continued rehab program.
His story isn't over yet- and we're coming to terms with this being a lifetime disease. He recently after five months sober had a relapse (drank a small amount of "found" alcohol), confessed pretty quickly and is back to working on his sobriety in a sober living facility.
I don't know the amount of alcohol your son is drinking, but stopping cold turkey is very hard due to the body's physical dependence of the alcohol. It can also be dangerous. Is a detox/rehab a possibility for your son?
(I read on here daily- but there don't seem to be as many parents to young adult alcoholics. Most it seems are opiate addicted as has been my son's experience in rehab. For the most part I do believe addiction is addiction- but I think there are some differences.)
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Originally Posted by WitsEnd1953
This is my first day here, we have an AS who is 35 and lived most of his life with us. He got sober a year ago, we thought, he was living on his own, then got a second DUI just a few days before it would have been 5 years since the last one. He went to jail and when he got out we let him come back home. He has bee here since Nov 2011 and his alcoholic behavior in combination with weed has gotten completely out of control. My husband wants to throw him out, the addiction counselor want to file a Marchment act and send him to rehab, I don't know what to do? Help!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been involved in dozens of interventions and am familiar with the Marchman Act. While you cannot control or force addiction you can make the choice to use the resource to put him in a place to get a sober perspective to determine his own future post Marchman and treatment.
This would bring peace to your home in that I assume your husband will agree as it gets him out of the house. If you son chooses sobriety and recovery then the best place for him is a sober living facility where he will have a accountability.
You have to determine what your boundaries are and how your husband and yourself want to shape your own life. When we enable our A's (and I have been more guilty than anyone!) it can cripple them and delay their finding their own way out of addiction.
If I had a do-over I would have taken a hard line approach rather than the course of action I did take. I spent 4 years and ended up at the same place... he always, always returned to drinking! I could have shortened my misery by many years!
Only your son can choose recovery... you can put him in the best position to make a rational decision with an intervention and Marchman Act but then it will be entirely up to him.
You can draw a line in the sand to create a safe, drama free home of peace but only you can keep the line intact with your own recovery.
It is a tough situation ... it's hard to be on the sidelines when you love them but remember he has a HP that he can reach out to when he is ready.
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For my son he can go days and weeks without drinking. The problem is if he drinks one he has to drink 12. In the past 7 days he has had a total of 2 beers but if he is with friends at their apartments if he has one he can't stop and usually it is hard liquor. The other thing is that he doesn't pass out he just want to go somewhere to get more.
As a side note, I grew up in an alcoholic family and my father had the exact same alcoholic characteristics as my son. My dad is sober now but didn't get sober until about 20 years ago when in his 50's. I don't want that life for my son.
As a side note, I grew up in an alcoholic family and my father had the exact same alcoholic characteristics as my son. My dad is sober now but didn't get sober until about 20 years ago when in his 50's. I don't want that life for my son.
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Originally Posted by BlueSkiesAgain
For my son he can go days and weeks without drinking. The problem is if he drinks one he has to drink 12. In the past 7 days he has had a total of 2 beers but if he is with friends at their apartments if he has one he can't stop and usually it is hard liquor. The other thing is that he doesn't pass out he just want to go somewhere to get more.
As a side note, I grew up in an alcoholic family and my father had the exact same alcoholic characteristics as my son. My dad is sober now but didn't get sober until about 20 years ago when in his 50's. I don't want that life for my son.
As a side note, I grew up in an alcoholic family and my father had the exact same alcoholic characteristics as my son. My dad is sober now but didn't get sober until about 20 years ago when in his 50's. I don't want that life for my son.
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Originally Posted by BlueSkiesAgain
For my son he can go days and weeks without drinking. The problem is if he drinks one he has to drink 12. In the past 7 days he has had a total of 2 beers but if he is with friends at their apartments if he has one he can't stop and usually it is hard liquor. The other thing is that he doesn't pass out he just want to go somewhere to get more.
As a side note, I grew up in an alcoholic family and my father had the exact same alcoholic characteristics as my son. My dad is sober now but didn't get sober until about 20 years ago when in his 50's. I don't want that life for my son.
As a side note, I grew up in an alcoholic family and my father had the exact same alcoholic characteristics as my son. My dad is sober now but didn't get sober until about 20 years ago when in his 50's. I don't want that life for my son.
Has you son gone to court yet? He will most likely be ordered into some type of probation and meeting attendence at least. With his ability to not drink until he binges he may be able to complete this without mishap.
Unfortunately this type of binging usually progresses as does all alcoholism and those who binge often deceive themselves that they can "control" their drinking.
Only he can make the decision to enter into a lifetime of recovery and the sooner he makes that decision the better the outcome possibilities. The longer he drinks alcoholically the more difficult it becomes to quit and maintain recovery.
Knowing the facts is helpful and spending time in alanon, this website and counseling will help you deal with the issues and make the best decisions for you.
But... only he can change his destiny and future and the msot important thing you can do is find peace in recovery and trust in your and his HP to help you both through the situation.
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Because of the charge he wasn't required to do anything except pay a fine or he could have done some special program to completely erased the ticket but he chose not to. We chose to send him to a private addictions counselor anyway and he has been going for several months. The counselor told him he doesn't have a physical dependence on alcohol (yet) because he can go days and weeks without drinking but he does abuse when he has alcohol.
After the arrest I went through his room, his closet and the storage room outside to be sure there was no alcohol in there. This was before he knew I was going to check. After checking and finding nothing he told me where and when he would drink. Ninety-nine percent of the time it was at this one friends apartment who kept a "liquor store" there. The reason he decided he wanted to move out was because I wouldn't let him take his car to this friends house.
After the arrest I went through his room, his closet and the storage room outside to be sure there was no alcohol in there. This was before he knew I was going to check. After checking and finding nothing he told me where and when he would drink. Ninety-nine percent of the time it was at this one friends apartment who kept a "liquor store" there. The reason he decided he wanted to move out was because I wouldn't let him take his car to this friends house.
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Wow, I really don't feel so alone. We saw the addition counselor Friday and set boundries that seem to be working, but we are just days into this. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, he has refused AA, he has refused rehab, he has agreed to see the addiction counselor every week and remain sober if he is going to live with us. We have required that he at least find a sponser through the adiction counselor, who can help him when it gets hard, and it will, he has not done that but he has an appt Wed so maybe he will follow through. He has been sober since last Thurs with no withdrawal symptoms except anxiety and insomnia, hope our HP is listening.
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