Christmas parties

[Karivan]

Hi everyone. Tis the season... In the past few years I've avoided Christmas parties because of my AH's drinking. I didn't want to go and watch him act like a fool. This year because he's quit drinking I decided to dip my toe in the social scene and see what it's like. My yoga instructor had a Christmas party on Friday night and my AH didn't want to go because he thinks yoga people are weird. He's never met them but that's him... he doesn't feel comfortable around people different from him. I went by myself and had a good time but really under dressed. I forgot that people are supposed to dress up for Christmas parties. Then we both went to my boss's open house on Sunday. We had a good time and he was relaxed because he knows some of the people.

Today I'm doing the typical codie thing... beating myself up for what I did and didn't do and say. I didn't dress right, I said the wrong thing, I acted dumb... I keep having to remind myself that it's been years since I've gone to parties and I have to learn how to do the social scene and small talk all over again. There was drinking at both parties but nothing in excess and no one got drunk.

It makes me realize how being with an alcoholic affects our lives and limits our social life. I can't count the number of party invitations I've turned down over the years because I couldn't bear to watch him get drunk and make a fool of himself. I've let his sickness stunt my growth and turn down invitations to events that I know I would enjoy. No more... from now on if I'm invited to something that I think I'll enjoy I'm going, with or without him. The only way to grow and meet interesting people is to do it and even though my social skills are rusty, I'm going to do everything I can to get out and have a life.

You guys are my support so hold my hand while I learn the next step... it's scary out there. :scared1:

[Magichappens]

((Kari))
I am glad that you are trying the waters again. We get so isolated when we are focussed on alcoholism. Of course when we start reaching out, we are a little clumsy. But I have found that I am my own worst critic. Most people are just glad that we are there. They don't care that we aren't suave and smooth.

I try to focus on the positive things that come out of a new experience. Of course I can see where I would like to improve, but just taking that step to try something new is a positive. Focussing on the negative keeps me from continuing to progress. I am naturally an all or nothing person. If I can't do it perfect, why try. That is old behavior.

How many people there were young adults? They are just trying out their social wings too. How many people do you think have social anxiety? You can't tell from the outside. It may feel like you are the only one who feels awkward, but I'm sure you were in good company.

It is scary, but it is also exciting if you think of it as a new adventure or opportunity. The holidays are full of opportunities for me. They are also full of awkward and clumsy moments, nervousness and anxiety. I find that without risk, I don't get the growth. Congratulate yourself on the growth. Hugs, Magic

[FaithChaser]

Kerivan,
I can soooo relate to wanting to dodge the social scene with the AH!!! He can really put a damper on things in his clouded state. I think the beating yourself up part however is something all of us do, even my freinds that are not in any type of recovery do that. I guess I've gotten pretty good at making fun of myself when I'm a dork, yes, I'm the one you see at parties that always has the toilet paper dragging on the floor a mile behind her. Most recently at a very posh restaurant, had a peice of steak hanging from her teeth that nobody bothered to tell me about (oh so pretty) or was given a name tag, wrote my name on it and proceeded to put it on upsidedown. I even put on a turtleneck and a sweater for one party, and a pair of my lace undies got stuck between the sweater and the turtleneck somehow in the laundry. They ended up on the floor at the party for everyone to see, can you imagine my embarrassment when I had to fuss up to the fact that they were mine??? Geesh, I'm a dork....Good for you for seeing that it's time to get out there and enjoy the company of other people. You cannot possilbly out-dork me so get out there and have fun! ((((HUGS))))

[Karivan]

Faith you are so funny. You made me feel a lot better about it. I felt like the biggest dork ever at the parties. Everybody seems so suave and smooth and so relaxed and here I am sweating about talking to someone I just met. I'm always worried I'm going to spill something and I hung onto my glass of wine (nonalcoholic lol) like it was glued to my fingers. Everything in their house is white! It was one of those houses where you have take your shoes off in the front hallway... Good thing I didn't have holes in my socks!

Magic, as always you give me good advice. I always love reading what you have to say. Thanks for being there.