Grrrr.... lost it again..

[Aquiana]

Once again not doing so well at the trying not to enable the bf. We were having a great week. No arguing, very relaxing, very enjoyable. Until the weekend hit of course. He had to go out to the lounge with the guys on Friday. I stayed cool about that.... last night we went to my parents and he got plastered. My dad and brother were drinking like fish so of course they don't care. My mom just said, "I've been through this a million times with your father," which didn't really make me feel any better. She drove us home and he fell out of the van into the snow. How embarrasing. Anyway I was doing ok at keeping my mouth shut. I was going over and over in my head that it wasn't going to make a difference anyway so let it go. I thought even if I did want to say something about it he couldn't string a sentence together nor figure out what I was talking about so why bother. It was good until he started picking....I swear he does it because even if I try to hide it he knows I'm thinking it so he pushes. I started thinking that here I'm the one who has a reason to be angry and he's the one getting nasty and beligerent. Pick, pick, pick and then boom I was off like a firecracker. I don't know if I should feel better about the fact that I don't know if he even remembers any of it today. If he does he hasn't said anything. Sigh... man this is hard. I would do so much better at not yelling at him if he'd just shut up!

Okay I feel better now.

[JennyK]

It take practice. It is very hard to realize that you have no power over his drinking. It goes against human nature to admit that you are powerless to change something that you hate so much.

I have found that chanting in my head "I can't change this. I can't control this" over and over in a very LOUD internal voice, that I stopped hearing his ranting. Eventually he stopped ranting. He is now a quiet drunk.

When those moments pass, I have to chant very loudly in my head about what I CAN change and what I CAN control.

This is not easy stuff and it does not come all at once.

Good for you for trying and for realizing what you SHOULD be doing. It is harder to actually do it.

Many prayers to you.

Jenny

[Aquiana]

Lol I'm kinda like Homer Simpson that way. I say the "Loud part quiet and the quiet part loud" alot.

The bf and I got to talking about it last night while we were in bed. It was one of his "sincere" moments that he does have on occasion. He said he doesn't understand why he goes over board either. He says it's like there's no middle, he's either sober and then next thing he knows he's plastered. I told him that I thought it might have something to do with the rate of which he drinks. When he starts, he slugs em back non-stop. I told him he needs to slow down and wait for his body to react, otherwise by the time he realizes he's drunk he's already had way too much. He said he didn't realize he drank them that fast and that he's start watching that. I think he might do that. I don't honestly think he's proud of himself when he's falling over drunk. I know that the unfortunate part is that he's not saying he's going to stop drinking but I know he isn't going to anyway. I guess every little bit helps. Right?!?

[Aquiana]

I'd love to just leave for a bit. He always seems to pick the nights I have to get up at 5 in the morning so what I really want is to go to bed. Of course when he's acting that way he works me up so I can't sleep and I think that just makes me more cranky.

I was thinking at work today that drinking is something most people learn to control. Most people I know have gone overboard at some point in their lives when they first start using. I remember just about falling asleep with my head in the toilet bowl and many nights ( and mornings) sicker than a dog. Of course I was 15-18 then. Most people learn their limits. They can tell when they've had enough and should take a break or stop for the night. It's like he skipped the learning part. Like I said above, I don't think he's proud of his behavior when he's hammered so why can't he learn where his boundries are? I don't get that. The bf is very social and likes to have a good time, but how much fun can you really have when you're passed out like a rock by 9 p.m.?

[minnie]

A - if he's an alcoholic, his boundary is no drinks. It can take a long time for As to come to this realisation. Have a look on the Alcoholics board to see what I mean.

[Aquiana]

Counting would probably be a good idea for him. He pretty much said that he just gets carried away when he starts. He gets caught up in the excitement. I told him he should wait 15-20 minutes between each beer and just see how how feels. Right now he's already grabbing a new one before he even finishes the one he has. I'll of course restate that I don't want him to drink at all but he's going to. He's not ready to give it up yet.

[minnie]

Aquiana

I don't want to pee on your parade here, but he doesn't sound like he's really the kind who is up for doing any kind of moderating in the long term.

And did I just read that you told him how he should drink? Isn't one of the 3 Cs that you can't control it?

Where's your focus, girl?!!

Love

Minnie
xxxx

[Aquiana]

Originally Posted by minnie

Aquiana

I don't want to pee on your parade here, but he doesn't sound like he's really the kind who is up for doing any kind of moderating in the long term.

And did I just read that you told him how he should drink? Isn't one of the 3 Cs that you can't control it?

I may have said that wrong. It was more of a suggestion because he was saying the doesn't understand why one minute he feels fine and the next he's hammered. I was trying to explain to him that the effects of alcohol aren't necessarily instant so he needs to give his body time to react and then decide whether he should have another. I know he may not take the advice or he my try it a couple times and then forget it, he wondered so I gave him my best explaination and I guess it's up to him to decide what he wants to do with it. I hope he uses it but it's not up to me.