Healing from trauma - no contact
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Healing from trauma - no contact
7 months of no contact with my mom and dad. It's been very freeing for me and I'm working through a lot of deeper layers of emotional and psychological trauma.
Tonight I was triggered by songs at work. Someone put on a station of music my dad used to play. Intense emotional breakdown.
I'm taking a much needed break away from the music, in quiet, breathing deeply, putting many of my recovery tools to work. I don't feel comfortable asking for the music to be changed, so I'm reaching into a happy place, a good zone within me, to carry me through the next two hours.
I'm honoring what I'm feeling. I'm giving myself the freedom to shelf this to deal with more fully at a later time.
In two hours, I will take a me-break, whatever that looks like at the time. Freedom to play, cry, whatever comes.
Tonight I was triggered by songs at work. Someone put on a station of music my dad used to play. Intense emotional breakdown.
I'm taking a much needed break away from the music, in quiet, breathing deeply, putting many of my recovery tools to work. I don't feel comfortable asking for the music to be changed, so I'm reaching into a happy place, a good zone within me, to carry me through the next two hours.
I'm honoring what I'm feeling. I'm giving myself the freedom to shelf this to deal with more fully at a later time.
In two hours, I will take a me-break, whatever that looks like at the time. Freedom to play, cry, whatever comes.
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Posts: 2,281
Working hard? ....not quite...
Dedicated to my well-being. Realizing stuffing these things were HURTING me and feeding my own crazy.
And... somewhere along the line everything started flowing into a beautiful HEALING. I'm starting to get RELIEF from the pain, simply by letting it be felt. Tears come easier and much less frequently. Laughter comes much easier and more often. Pain and joy can both be felt.
Some days I get to choose the music around me. Some days other people in my life do. The balance within me is more important than whatever else happens.
Breakdowns can lead to break-throughs. I had some things I really needed to face.... simply sucks that I don't get to choose The timing! But honestly, my timing hasn't brought me as much happiness.... Universe seems to know what it's doing, when I'm asking for eyes to see and ears to hear.
Dedicated to my well-being. Realizing stuffing these things were HURTING me and feeding my own crazy.
And... somewhere along the line everything started flowing into a beautiful HEALING. I'm starting to get RELIEF from the pain, simply by letting it be felt. Tears come easier and much less frequently. Laughter comes much easier and more often. Pain and joy can both be felt.
Some days I get to choose the music around me. Some days other people in my life do. The balance within me is more important than whatever else happens.
Breakdowns can lead to break-throughs. I had some things I really needed to face.... simply sucks that I don't get to choose The timing! But honestly, my timing hasn't brought me as much happiness.... Universe seems to know what it's doing, when I'm asking for eyes to see and ears to hear.
My emotional baggage
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
Keeping,
I still cannot listen to country music because of my ExAH had so much of his personality wrapped up in it. So I TOTALLY get it.
A nice pair of noise cancelling headphones can really do the trick on days when you are not feeling so strong. And you may look like you are super focused!
4MyBoys
I still cannot listen to country music because of my ExAH had so much of his personality wrapped up in it. So I TOTALLY get it.
A nice pair of noise cancelling headphones can really do the trick on days when you are not feeling so strong. And you may look like you are super focused!
4MyBoys
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Originally Posted by keepingthefaith 
Breakdowns can lead to break-throughs. I had some things I really needed to face.... simply sucks that I don't get to choose The timing! But honestly, my timing hasn't brought me as much happiness.... Universe seems to know what it's doing, when I'm asking for eyes to see and ears to hear.
Urggghh!! This sucks!!
Lean in.. feel the pain... let it flow... pray...
I hate this and I love that I'm allowed to hate this ... in this moment.
I'm an adult and I'm scared of my parents. Actually shaking-scared. Thank God I can see this today and simply let the feelings flow. I'm healing. I'm getting much stronger. This feeling today is simply a part of the programming of my childhood and the continued abuse into adulthood. I'm changing things. This takes guts and persistence.
No contact has been the absolute biggest difference in my healing. Most days are much, much, much better now.
The flood of old feelings, old programming, is passing. I'm breathing deeply and connecting to life. The flood was a sudden, instant old wash of me doing something wrong, that my parents will be mad, that I'm in really big trouble.... and thankfully I have new tools to deal with this and can move forward with life....
Not sure how long it took sitting here working this out. Writing slowly, pausing, breathing, connecting to HP, nature, inner self. So glad it IS changing continually for the better.
KTF
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On the subject of healing from narcissistic parents...
Acceptance
Never think that your emotions are silly or uncalled for. If you feel like crying, cry. If you are angry, be angry. However, make sure you do not become consumed in the feeling. Take time to understand the root cause of the emotion and look for ways to improve the situation so that you can move on to more positive and fulfilling experiences. If you need help, reach out to your support system or therapist.
Seek out experiences that make you feel good about yourself. They can be creative outlets like writing or painting. Treat your body right by eating nutritiously and exercising. Reconnect or redefine your spirituality. Do things that make you feel in control, such as taking a self defense course (I highly recommend this). Nurture relationships that are mutually respectful and distance your self from the ones that are not. These healthy activities allow you to focus on the good in your life, while taking focus away from what was toxic.
Never think that your emotions are silly or uncalled for. If you feel like crying, cry. If you are angry, be angry. However, make sure you do not become consumed in the feeling. Take time to understand the root cause of the emotion and look for ways to improve the situation so that you can move on to more positive and fulfilling experiences. If you need help, reach out to your support system or therapist.
Seek out experiences that make you feel good about yourself. They can be creative outlets like writing or painting. Treat your body right by eating nutritiously and exercising. Reconnect or redefine your spirituality. Do things that make you feel in control, such as taking a self defense course (I highly recommend this). Nurture relationships that are mutually respectful and distance your self from the ones that are not. These healthy activities allow you to focus on the good in your life, while taking focus away from what was toxic.
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Update:
I'm now over a year of No Contact and this continues to get easier. Therapy is going well. I'm becoming a very loyal, protective and trusting friend to myself... to the me I am today... to the child inside me who's memories, fears and healing are all honored and important.
I'm now over a year of No Contact and this continues to get easier. Therapy is going well. I'm becoming a very loyal, protective and trusting friend to myself... to the me I am today... to the child inside me who's memories, fears and healing are all honored and important.
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Hi Wamama,
From what I see in your posts, you are quickly gaining both coping skills and recovery skills!!
One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
As we make forward progress the option of HEALING and having a great enjoyment of LIFE becomes more FUN than painful.
From what I see in your posts, you are quickly gaining both coping skills and recovery skills!!
One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
As we make forward progress the option of HEALING and having a great enjoyment of LIFE becomes more FUN than painful.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Tonight I'm sitting with some huge feels of inadequacy and unworthiness. My healthy inner voice keeps urging me on... to use my voice.. to fight the the abusers in my life... not by engaging them, but by REACHING OUT and SPEAKING UP.
There is great POWER in speaking the truth out loud. In standing up and saying I WAS ABUSED.
For the longest time the scared little girl inside me had other peoples hands firmly clamped over her mouth, keeping her from breathing, speaking, moving, living.
NO MORE.
The more often I post. The more I USE my voice. The more my fears and physical symptoms of abuse melt away.
I pray. I'm lead into uncomfortable sharings... of my heart... from the gut.... exposing myself to people I don't even know. And in this, I heal.
I hate alcoholism. I hate the disease. I hate what it does to people and families. I hate the hurt it causes.
I love alcoholics. Those in recovery. Those still in the disease. Many good people of all kinds are affected by this disease. Not all alcoholics are abusive. Not all abusers are alcoholic.
I like being able to state what I like and dislike. I like being able to change my mind. I like being able to make healthy decisions. I like enjoying good foods, exercise, playfulness and LIFE. I like being able to state these things without being told I'm stupid, silly and WRONG for simply wanting to ENJOY LIFE.
I am grateful that my recovery from this family disease of alcoholism also brought me into recovery from a very abusive FOO.
There is great POWER in speaking the truth out loud. In standing up and saying I WAS ABUSED.
For the longest time the scared little girl inside me had other peoples hands firmly clamped over her mouth, keeping her from breathing, speaking, moving, living.
NO MORE.
The more often I post. The more I USE my voice. The more my fears and physical symptoms of abuse melt away.
I pray. I'm lead into uncomfortable sharings... of my heart... from the gut.... exposing myself to people I don't even know. And in this, I heal.
I hate alcoholism. I hate the disease. I hate what it does to people and families. I hate the hurt it causes.
I love alcoholics. Those in recovery. Those still in the disease. Many good people of all kinds are affected by this disease. Not all alcoholics are abusive. Not all abusers are alcoholic.
I like being able to state what I like and dislike. I like being able to change my mind. I like being able to make healthy decisions. I like enjoying good foods, exercise, playfulness and LIFE. I like being able to state these things without being told I'm stupid, silly and WRONG for simply wanting to ENJOY LIFE.
I am grateful that my recovery from this family disease of alcoholism also brought me into recovery from a very abusive FOO.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Just another perspective..,
Deep inside you is an upset little girl who is hurt by that music. Who is looking out for her?
I think it’s ok for you to go over and nicely say, hey is there another station that would work just as well for you? I’m having a hard time focusing with this station on—just brings back memories. Wink and smile. They will gladly change it!
Little you will be grateful that you put a boundary in place to honor her feelings.
Deep inside you is an upset little girl who is hurt by that music. Who is looking out for her?
I think it’s ok for you to go over and nicely say, hey is there another station that would work just as well for you? I’m having a hard time focusing with this station on—just brings back memories. Wink and smile. They will gladly change it!
Little you will be grateful that you put a boundary in place to honor her feelings.
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