How did you find the strength to leave an alcoholi spouse
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
In that case, why would you be "supporting two households"? I assume that if the deed isn't in your name, neither is the mortgage. Let his folks pay it. Or him. Not your responsibility, right?
Again, have you talked to a lawyer? I really, really recommend it--getting information on what your rights and obligations are, and what your options may be, is critical to protecting your financial future. You don't have to start any legal proceedings until you are ready, but what you do now could impact what might happen down the line.
Again, have you talked to a lawyer? I really, really recommend it--getting information on what your rights and obligations are, and what your options may be, is critical to protecting your financial future. You don't have to start any legal proceedings until you are ready, but what you do now could impact what might happen down the line.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 151
Welcome Seattle,
The decision to stay or leave was hard for me.
It came down to me realizing that her sobriety was more important to me than it was to her. And that no matter what I did, nothing was going to change if I didn't make some changes.
The decision to stay or leave was hard for me.
It came down to me realizing that her sobriety was more important to me than it was to her. And that no matter what I did, nothing was going to change if I didn't make some changes.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 530
it was very hard for me to leave. XAH was a highly functioning alcoholic and pothead...health issues- hypertension, elevated liver enzymes, sleep apnea, overweight and looked older but no DUIS . no lost work time. I kept my troubles to myself and finally went to a counselor for help deciding. There was verbal and emotional abuse- which I just ignored. I had created my own life separate from his- friends, family, hobbies, and people at work treat me very well. Having a life separate from his helped me to be able to leave. I didn't tell friends about things until I had made up my mind and decided to leave. Then everyone pitched in to help me make the move and also gave me moral support.
The tipping point came when one night I had heart attack symptoms, asked to go to the ER and he refused to take me. I had never before asked to get any kind of urgent care. A family member we were visiting overheard his refusal, and called 911 . I spent 24 hours in the hospital -not a heart attack, thankfully, but I realized he would have let me die that night. I thought about the years ahead and I realized that I would rather die alone than watching my husband ignore my need for care. I realized what a selfish person he had become and that he regularly disregarded my needs and wants and this was not what I wanted out of marriage or out of life.
I am in a little apartment now. I brushed aside all the abuse- and I keep a list of things he said and did that were hurtful through the years. A year later I am still remembering some things- just remembered something now actually. I don't do it to dwell on things. I do it to read if I am ever tempted to return. It is easy to remember the good times, and sometimes I still miss him.. as crazy as that may seem. But I deserve better than that and I know it.
The tipping point came when one night I had heart attack symptoms, asked to go to the ER and he refused to take me. I had never before asked to get any kind of urgent care. A family member we were visiting overheard his refusal, and called 911 . I spent 24 hours in the hospital -not a heart attack, thankfully, but I realized he would have let me die that night. I thought about the years ahead and I realized that I would rather die alone than watching my husband ignore my need for care. I realized what a selfish person he had become and that he regularly disregarded my needs and wants and this was not what I wanted out of marriage or out of life.
I am in a little apartment now. I brushed aside all the abuse- and I keep a list of things he said and did that were hurtful through the years. A year later I am still remembering some things- just remembered something now actually. I don't do it to dwell on things. I do it to read if I am ever tempted to return. It is easy to remember the good times, and sometimes I still miss him.. as crazy as that may seem. But I deserve better than that and I know it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 223
I can relate to your questions and feelings a lot. Our stories sound similar. I have moved out and am starting the process with lawyers. Every step has been painful, required a lot of negiotiating in my head, and emotional but I haven't regretted anything so far. One foot in front of the other.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
I knew for a while that I could not stay with my AH, even if he chose recovery. Our patterns of behavior had become so predictable, that I absolutely knew what the next day or week would bring (and they were so similar to all of the above posts). And when I could no longer tolerate how he was treating our DD and couldn't face the next step in our "dance", I finally took the steps to leave.
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