Alcoholic boyfriend dumped me
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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Yeah, it was sort of a cowardly (and childish) way to break up, but that's one more reason you're better off without him in your life.
I hope you'll take some time to focus on what kept you in that relationship for so long when things were going so badly. Life shouldn't be one drama after another. You want your next relationship to be healthy, right? So spend some time getting yourself together, so you will eventually be in a position to have a GOOD relationship with someone who doesn't come with baggage like active addiction.
I hope you'll take some time to focus on what kept you in that relationship for so long when things were going so badly. Life shouldn't be one drama after another. You want your next relationship to be healthy, right? So spend some time getting yourself together, so you will eventually be in a position to have a GOOD relationship with someone who doesn't come with baggage like active addiction.
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Join Date: May 2016
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I really recommend what others have said - if at all possible, go completely no contact with him. Block his number from text and calling. Block him from any and all social media. It will make the grieving process easier.
Hugs to you. You will get through this.
Ituvia....don't be ashamed of crying. It is an emotional release and you are entitled to your emotions.
the worst thing would have been if you invited him back in with open arms......
It sounds, to me, like it was just a maneuver to keep you on the hook.....
And, after he had to gall to badmouth you about town!
the emotional maturity of a teenager.....?
the worst thing would have been if you invited him back in with open arms......
It sounds, to me, like it was just a maneuver to keep you on the hook.....
And, after he had to gall to badmouth you about town!
the emotional maturity of a teenager.....?
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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You're allowed to be a human and have emotions (like crying)!
I also remember one of the passages in Pathways to Recovery (AlAnon literature) that says that some alcoholics will remain sober for some period of time in an effort to convince family members there is not a problem. I also think they are trying to convince themselves. So even though he is sober, I wouldn't put too much stake in that. My xabf was sober for a year with no recovery and that did not end well once he started drinking again. So unless he's in recovery and really working a program, he's a very sick man. This is a disease - a horrible one. And I recommend you read as much as you can about it. He is exhibiting very typical behaviors: trying to blame everything on you (heaven forbid he look at himself), distancing himself from someone who has created boundaries (good for you!), trying to get sober without recovery, engaging in immature and irrational behavior.
All you can do is take care of YOU. Treat yourself well. Do something nice for yourself like take a bath or paint your toes - whatever floats your boat. Be gentle with yourself.
And congrats on reading codependent no more! That's an act of self-care!
I also remember one of the passages in Pathways to Recovery (AlAnon literature) that says that some alcoholics will remain sober for some period of time in an effort to convince family members there is not a problem. I also think they are trying to convince themselves. So even though he is sober, I wouldn't put too much stake in that. My xabf was sober for a year with no recovery and that did not end well once he started drinking again. So unless he's in recovery and really working a program, he's a very sick man. This is a disease - a horrible one. And I recommend you read as much as you can about it. He is exhibiting very typical behaviors: trying to blame everything on you (heaven forbid he look at himself), distancing himself from someone who has created boundaries (good for you!), trying to get sober without recovery, engaging in immature and irrational behavior.
All you can do is take care of YOU. Treat yourself well. Do something nice for yourself like take a bath or paint your toes - whatever floats your boat. Be gentle with yourself.
And congrats on reading codependent no more! That's an act of self-care!
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After leaving the house, he has told one of the workers in my complex that he is going to start gymming and admit himself to some recovery program. I am so skeptical right now because he misses the dogs and I'd like to believe to an extent the comfort of an enabler. Sounds so superficial. I loved this man so much but after reading so much, it'd appear that he is just going through the motions and not to be believed one bit.
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The dogs have always been his everything and since they are rescues, he has always had a soft spot. I feel like he just showed up with an excuse. Like an alcoholic, I don't know what's real or true anymore. I am so suspicious.
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I just read Shooting star's account of her life and bawled like a baby. I haven't suffered half of what she did and yet hurt is hurt. I kept reading the part about letting go and it's like someone is opening me up and pulling my insides out and asking me to let go of someone I love so deeply. Still, I know I can't do much else. That's heartbreaking. All that intelligence is going to waste.
I'd agree w/you that it seems like a waste for someone to drink away their life, their opportunities, their strength, their health, their smarts, their love. It seems like a terrible waste. I felt (and still feel) that way about XAH.
But, to quote Gandalf, "even the very wise cannot see all ends." You don't know what his future holds or what path he will travel to arrive there. I think all you can be sure of at this point is that staying with him would have caused you to waste your life, your opportunities, your strength, your health, your smarts, and your love.
People here advised me to imagine wrapping XAH in a blanket and turning him over to his Higher Power. That image felt too much like death to me and didn't work well, but I've since found other ways to imagine letting him go into the care of something/someone much greater than I, a power that will take care of him in ways I never could. That does work for me. Maybe it will for you too.
But, to quote Gandalf, "even the very wise cannot see all ends." You don't know what his future holds or what path he will travel to arrive there. I think all you can be sure of at this point is that staying with him would have caused you to waste your life, your opportunities, your strength, your health, your smarts, and your love.
People here advised me to imagine wrapping XAH in a blanket and turning him over to his Higher Power. That image felt too much like death to me and didn't work well, but I've since found other ways to imagine letting him go into the care of something/someone much greater than I, a power that will take care of him in ways I never could. That does work for me. Maybe it will for you too.
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I miss him so much. I keep crying every morning. I am so angry. So angry that I don't even know what to do. Why can't he see wat he is doing? How is he so delusional and why did he throw me out like this?
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His mind is taken over by his addiction. He probably could not answer this question of "how could you".
My XAH threw away our 12 year long marriage and our child. All for the love of booze and drugs.
I was 100% sure we are together forever until his last horrific relapse.
So cry. Be angry. You will work through this.
Sending you virtual hugs.
My XAH threw away our 12 year long marriage and our child. All for the love of booze and drugs.
I was 100% sure we are together forever until his last horrific relapse.
So cry. Be angry. You will work through this.
Sending you virtual hugs.
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It's like I am magically wanting him to "wake up" from his delusion and get help and make everything better. I don't know if he'd ever realize. I guess I will find out. Since he broke up with me, I don't even have a choice. Life sucks.
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He called today, I didn't pick up and he left a message wanting to take some of his stuff. I just don't know why he didn't take all of his crap last week when he visited. Just wants to see the dogs maybe? Not sure. I feel so alone all the time trying to read as much as I can but I just miss him, so much. So helpless and frustrated.
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He called today, I didn't pick up and he left a message wanting to take some of his stuff. I just don't know why he didn't take all of his crap last week when he visited. Just wants to see the dogs maybe? Not sure. I feel so alone all the time trying to read as much as I can but I just miss him, so much. So helpless and frustrated.
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