ChloeRose63

I think you have to get to the point where you have had enough of what he is doing to your life and the lives of your children. Until then, you will be stalling with your indecision about what to do next. Have you even really considered what damage he is doing to your family? He is a bad seed and growing into something worse everyday he remains influencing your household. Protect your children. They don't need this in their lives and neither do you. When will you finally tell him that YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH!?

Dreaming005

All good advice & just what I needed. I'm a glass is half full person, but this has got to stop, and he needs to realize that for himself.

Left house with girls for the night. At very supportive SILs house. Reached out to a close friend who's BIL is a divorce attorney. Separation may be the answer, even as much as I don't want it to be.

honeypig

A wise SR member once posted here that when a problem seems to have no solution, that is generally not actually the case--there is an answer, but it's one that we don't like.

Finding out what your legal options are seems like a very reasonable thing to do. It is abundantly clear that AH is not going to step up and become the person you want him to be. If there is going to be change (and boy, there sure needs to be, from what you've described), you are going to have to be the one to bring it on, my friend.

I wished and hoped and struggled and argued and cried too. And in the end, what I never wanted to happen had to happen. I had enough of the lies. I couldn't risk losing everything I had over a drunk-driving lawsuit or a fire from a drunken cigarette. XAH and I separated, then divorced after 19 years married and 20+ together. He is still drinking, so far as I know.

Hugs, Dreaming--it is certainly not easy, but there IS a way forward if you keep taking one step at a time.

LexieCat

Separation DOES seem to be the answer--at least, for now. Good for you, for seeking out legal advice. That would have been my next suggestion. Knowledge is power, and knowing your rights and obligations will make you feel more confident and in control of your life. HIS life may be out of control, but you can take back your own power to control your destiny and your kids'.

Sometimes it takes some serious pain and losses for the alcoholic to realize what is at risk. You can't count on his getting sober as a result. It could happen, but it's just as likely he'll continue to drink or make a few token gestures to make it appear he's changing while secretly figuring out how to get things back to "normal."

You can DO it!

Dreaming005

Epic manipulation. Even worse- The park was a special place we went to when we first started dating. He was never there at all. I searched the place for 4 hours. Unbelievable.