He's relapsing & im not sure what to do..
Soinlove
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 47
He's relapsing & im not sure what to do..
I guess I am just reaching out for support... He's relapsing, but it's different, he's kind of angry I guess I'd say.. I think he's truly angry at himself because he gave in after doing so well for 8 months ( the last time ended up with a 3 day hospital visit). I know this is his choice to give in to this, and not in my control.. But part of me feels like I should call someone or something ?.. i guess I'm scared , not of him but of something happening to him as I just go about my life.
I mean he was doing phenomenally well... AA meetings daily , eating well, seeing psychologist , taking up hobbies, etc...and our relationship was never better. Then he had to have surgery ..& a setback in that recovery took place adding an additional 4-6 weeks of recovery per doctor & I could almost see him turning inward, the dark , alcoholic side coming out slowly .. & he gave in., it's been going on 3 days now..
We talked calmly about it, I gotten emotional , and angry .. But again the next day it happens again. At the rate he's going he's going to end up in hospital or worse any day .. Outrageous amounts of vodka of all things ... The one thing he told me at the very beginning he knew he could never drink again ... I'm truly terrified ... Will I come home from work tomorrow and find find him unconscious or worse ?.. Or will he reinjure the knee he just had surgery on.. Sigh
But truly there's nothing I can do or say to change or alter what he's doing to himself is there ??? His grandfather was a severe alcoholic & ended up committing suicude ...
I do not & will not condone this & yet will not leave , this is my house .. I truly am afraid for his life . Suggestions, advice anyone ??
I mean he was doing phenomenally well... AA meetings daily , eating well, seeing psychologist , taking up hobbies, etc...and our relationship was never better. Then he had to have surgery ..& a setback in that recovery took place adding an additional 4-6 weeks of recovery per doctor & I could almost see him turning inward, the dark , alcoholic side coming out slowly .. & he gave in., it's been going on 3 days now..
We talked calmly about it, I gotten emotional , and angry .. But again the next day it happens again. At the rate he's going he's going to end up in hospital or worse any day .. Outrageous amounts of vodka of all things ... The one thing he told me at the very beginning he knew he could never drink again ... I'm truly terrified ... Will I come home from work tomorrow and find find him unconscious or worse ?.. Or will he reinjure the knee he just had surgery on.. Sigh
But truly there's nothing I can do or say to change or alter what he's doing to himself is there ??? His grandfather was a severe alcoholic & ended up committing suicude ...
I do not & will not condone this & yet will not leave , this is my house .. I truly am afraid for his life . Suggestions, advice anyone ??
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Hi Soinlove, coming here was a good thing to do for yourself.
"But truly there's nothing I can do or say to change or alter what he's doing to himself is there ??? His grandfather was a severe alcoholic & ended up committing suicude ... "
^^^^ It is so heartbreaking but there truly is nothing you can do to change him. Just redouble your efforts to take care of yourself and walk your own journey. I remember, as my qualifier was slipping into addiction to meth, thinking, "Wow, we can put men on the moon but we can not change someone's descent into addiction!". This still amazes me.
On the hopeful side, I did leave my qualifier. After a long descent into addiction, dealing and armed robbery, he went to jail for three years. He has now been clean for some 20 years. Perhaps this is codie thinking but I like to think that by doing the right thing and getting out of the way, I maybe-possibly-just-a-teeny-bit helped him hit bottom and eventually get clean. I do know I helped myself which is what really mattered.
Big hug and keep posting.
"But truly there's nothing I can do or say to change or alter what he's doing to himself is there ??? His grandfather was a severe alcoholic & ended up committing suicude ... "
^^^^ It is so heartbreaking but there truly is nothing you can do to change him. Just redouble your efforts to take care of yourself and walk your own journey. I remember, as my qualifier was slipping into addiction to meth, thinking, "Wow, we can put men on the moon but we can not change someone's descent into addiction!". This still amazes me.
On the hopeful side, I did leave my qualifier. After a long descent into addiction, dealing and armed robbery, he went to jail for three years. He has now been clean for some 20 years. Perhaps this is codie thinking but I like to think that by doing the right thing and getting out of the way, I maybe-possibly-just-a-teeny-bit helped him hit bottom and eventually get clean. I do know I helped myself which is what really mattered.
Big hug and keep posting.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
If you want to call someone...you could call his sponsor....and, you could go to an alanon meeting...
(go back and read your thread from 9/20/2016).....
You talked about your boundaries....
since you are not married...you can give him a 60day notice to leave the house....then, he can be evicted, if he doesn't leave....
(whoever is bringing the vodka can help him to move to a new place).....
He probably KNOWS that the house is your hot button...and LNOWS that you won't leave...and, thinks that he has you in a corner...
It is up to you to enforce the boundaries. Otherwise, they are just "rules" for him...and, he doesn't have to follow your rules >>>as he is proving, right now....
Boundaries are to protect you......
(go back and read your thread from 9/20/2016).....
You talked about your boundaries....
since you are not married...you can give him a 60day notice to leave the house....then, he can be evicted, if he doesn't leave....
(whoever is bringing the vodka can help him to move to a new place).....
He probably KNOWS that the house is your hot button...and LNOWS that you won't leave...and, thinks that he has you in a corner...
It is up to you to enforce the boundaries. Otherwise, they are just "rules" for him...and, he doesn't have to follow your rules >>>as he is proving, right now....
Boundaries are to protect you......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
" But part of me feels like I should call someone or something ?.. i guess I'm scared , not of him but of something happening to him as I just go about my life. "
Well, you DO need to 'go about your life'. Regardless of what he does. But, if you feel that calling someone would really help him, it might worth a try. It usually doesn't hurt to reach out. There are never any guarantees that doing so will help, but would it hurt? Detachment is going to be essential for your own well being though. And the art of loving detachment with loved ones can be a fine line to get right.. Sometimes we don't detach enough and sometimes we detach too much. So, what is a person to do? He is an adult and needs to be accountable for his own actions. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. Take good care of you. Try not to enable him as that is what co-dependents tend to do...Vodka is a dangerous drug, so you are right on to be concerned. It's high octane and it is all too easy for a person to drink too much and combine with pain meds from the surgery can be lethal. You are right to be concerned and God Bless you for caring.
Well, you DO need to 'go about your life'. Regardless of what he does. But, if you feel that calling someone would really help him, it might worth a try. It usually doesn't hurt to reach out. There are never any guarantees that doing so will help, but would it hurt? Detachment is going to be essential for your own well being though. And the art of loving detachment with loved ones can be a fine line to get right.. Sometimes we don't detach enough and sometimes we detach too much. So, what is a person to do? He is an adult and needs to be accountable for his own actions. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. Take good care of you. Try not to enable him as that is what co-dependents tend to do...Vodka is a dangerous drug, so you are right on to be concerned. It's high octane and it is all too easy for a person to drink too much and combine with pain meds from the surgery can be lethal. You are right to be concerned and God Bless you for caring.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
soinlove.....teatreeoil just reminded me....
You can do all of the above that I suggested. with LOVE. You can evict with love....NO--I am not trying to be snarky!
for an alcoholic...getting out of their way can be a very loving thing to do.
Removing yourself from something that is killing you can be very loving for yourself. (or removing the thing that is killing you)...
You don't have to stop loving...but, many of us, here...like myself....know that you may have to love from a distance, to save yourself, if necessary....
Loveing from a distance is a form of detaching......
You can do all of the above that I suggested. with LOVE. You can evict with love....NO--I am not trying to be snarky!
for an alcoholic...getting out of their way can be a very loving thing to do.
Removing yourself from something that is killing you can be very loving for yourself. (or removing the thing that is killing you)...
You don't have to stop loving...but, many of us, here...like myself....know that you may have to love from a distance, to save yourself, if necessary....
Loveing from a distance is a form of detaching......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
One of the hardest things to get a grip on in these situations is that you are not responsible to make sure that this man stays alive.
While that might seem callous, to take on this burden (and it is) will sink you into a place i assure you, you do not want to be. We all hink that we can grab ahold of the A and "pull them up". The truth is when you grab ahold, they pull you down. There is no up. Its a slow and very insidious process. Along the way there might be some appearances that you have succeeded in "pulling the A up", they might get sober for a while, They might go to AA. They might become more involved. These are just false representations, and fool us into thinking that "we" are making progress. The more times situations like this happen the more "we" get wrapped tighter into the A in belief that they can change. That something we are doing is effective. That they have possibility to become the person we want them to be. We ride out the lows waiting for the highs, sure that one day the high will be permanent.
Not so much.
At the end of it all if you continue this thought pattern you will be so flattened by this person you won't even know who you are. He'll be very happy to give you the responsibility to save him. He wants you too. Because as long as that's the way you think he's not going anywhere. He will continue to drink, continue to do whatever he wants. And then there will be you, caring more about whether he "lives", making sure he doesn't hurt himself, all the while providing a roof over his head, food, drink of choice, and cleaning up after his mess - caring way more than he does. He doesn't have to care, he doesn't have to be worried - you are taking all that on for him.
I suggest instead of worrying about his life you worry about your own, and that of your children. He's not worried about you all one bit. He only thinks in terms of when he can have his next drink. When he needs to go to the liquor store. What time you will be home to feed him. He isn't worried about his knee, why should he? If he damages it you will fix it. You will nurse him back to health.
He lives life very carefree. How about you? Is your life carefree? Do you go about your day with a smile on your face? Are you focused on work and your children? Spending time with friends? Spending time with family? Looking forward to coming home daily? I. don't. think. so.
While that might seem callous, to take on this burden (and it is) will sink you into a place i assure you, you do not want to be. We all hink that we can grab ahold of the A and "pull them up". The truth is when you grab ahold, they pull you down. There is no up. Its a slow and very insidious process. Along the way there might be some appearances that you have succeeded in "pulling the A up", they might get sober for a while, They might go to AA. They might become more involved. These are just false representations, and fool us into thinking that "we" are making progress. The more times situations like this happen the more "we" get wrapped tighter into the A in belief that they can change. That something we are doing is effective. That they have possibility to become the person we want them to be. We ride out the lows waiting for the highs, sure that one day the high will be permanent.
Not so much.
At the end of it all if you continue this thought pattern you will be so flattened by this person you won't even know who you are. He'll be very happy to give you the responsibility to save him. He wants you too. Because as long as that's the way you think he's not going anywhere. He will continue to drink, continue to do whatever he wants. And then there will be you, caring more about whether he "lives", making sure he doesn't hurt himself, all the while providing a roof over his head, food, drink of choice, and cleaning up after his mess - caring way more than he does. He doesn't have to care, he doesn't have to be worried - you are taking all that on for him.
I suggest instead of worrying about his life you worry about your own, and that of your children. He's not worried about you all one bit. He only thinks in terms of when he can have his next drink. When he needs to go to the liquor store. What time you will be home to feed him. He isn't worried about his knee, why should he? If he damages it you will fix it. You will nurse him back to health.
He lives life very carefree. How about you? Is your life carefree? Do you go about your day with a smile on your face? Are you focused on work and your children? Spending time with friends? Spending time with family? Looking forward to coming home daily? I. don't. think. so.
Soinlove
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 47
Thank you everyone for your insight, advice, care & concern .. Definitely some things to think about. As much as I want to save him, I know I can't & I know he wouldn't let me... He has told me many times he doesn't want to be taken care of. Actually yesterday he said he needs to fight his battle& work through this on his own, and asked that I give him time and space to do so.
I am a very strong, independent , take care of life woman. I have a good head on my shoulders, a fantastic job, my own car & house( well I'm renting it right now but have money on the bank to buy this summer ). I don't need him to take care of me& can make it on my own. Although I do love him & want him ( when he's not in this " place ", in my life. I do not clean up after him, but do clean my house, & info cook for the kids& I ( they are here partbofbthe time& with their dad part of the time)- if he wants to eat he can, or he can go buy his own food too. He does have s fabulous job, however is off right now due to his surgery 3 weeks ago, he's supposed to start back part time next week & see how he died with his knee from there.
I do get up every day happy as I love where I'm at in life & thankful for my kids& family , my job and often for him too. I do still get out dad see friends, actually did do last night. I go to the gym & to kids games.
I told him yesterday I realized that I needed to refocus on mr& enjoying life , as it's short ( my dad passed away 10 months ago & its had s huge impact on me), & that I hope that he chooses to do the same .
I'm not going to stop my life & he knows that . I've backed off any " fussing " over him- although of course I worry,& pray a lot.... I don't have his sponsors number unfortunately. However.. After reading thru these posts today I feel stronger. He's lucky to have me& when he gets they his fog he does know this. No more bitching, nagging or complaining... I'm not even acknowledging this for the time being. I'm putting this in gods hands & pray that he " wakes up "& figures his stuff out ASAP ... Or there will be life changes
Have s good day everyone .. Be strong, thoughtful & kind..& believe in yourself !.. We only get one shot at this life ..
I am a very strong, independent , take care of life woman. I have a good head on my shoulders, a fantastic job, my own car & house( well I'm renting it right now but have money on the bank to buy this summer ). I don't need him to take care of me& can make it on my own. Although I do love him & want him ( when he's not in this " place ", in my life. I do not clean up after him, but do clean my house, & info cook for the kids& I ( they are here partbofbthe time& with their dad part of the time)- if he wants to eat he can, or he can go buy his own food too. He does have s fabulous job, however is off right now due to his surgery 3 weeks ago, he's supposed to start back part time next week & see how he died with his knee from there.
I do get up every day happy as I love where I'm at in life & thankful for my kids& family , my job and often for him too. I do still get out dad see friends, actually did do last night. I go to the gym & to kids games.
I told him yesterday I realized that I needed to refocus on mr& enjoying life , as it's short ( my dad passed away 10 months ago & its had s huge impact on me), & that I hope that he chooses to do the same .
I'm not going to stop my life & he knows that . I've backed off any " fussing " over him- although of course I worry,& pray a lot.... I don't have his sponsors number unfortunately. However.. After reading thru these posts today I feel stronger. He's lucky to have me& when he gets they his fog he does know this. No more bitching, nagging or complaining... I'm not even acknowledging this for the time being. I'm putting this in gods hands & pray that he " wakes up "& figures his stuff out ASAP ... Or there will be life changes
Have s good day everyone .. Be strong, thoughtful & kind..& believe in yourself !.. We only get one shot at this life ..
Soinlove
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 47
[QUOTE=soinlove;6287368]Thank you everyone for your insight, advice, care & concern .. Definitely some things to think about. As much as I want to save him, I know I can't & I know he wouldn't let me... He has told me many times he doesn't want to be taken care of. Actually yesterday he said he needs to fight his battle& work through this on his own, and asked that I give him time and space to do so.
I am a very strong, independent , take care of life woman. I have a good head on my shoulders, a fantastic job, my own car & house( well I'm renting it right now but have money on the bank to buy a house this summer ). I don't need him to take care of me& can make it on my own. Although I do love him & want him ( when he's not in this " place ") in my life. I do not clean up after him, but do clean my house, & i do cook for the kids& I ( they are here partbofbthe time& with their dad part of the time)- if he wants to eat he can, or he can go buy his own food too. He does have s fabulous job, however is off right now due to his surgery 3 weeks ago, he's supposed to start back part time next week & see how he died with his knee from there.
I do get up every day happy-- as I love where I'm at in life & thankful for my kids& family , my job and often for him too. I do still get out &see friends-actually did this last night. I go to the gym & to kids games.
I told him yesterday I realized that I needed to refocus on me & enjoying life , as it's short ( my dad passed away 10 months ago & its had s huge impact on me), & that I hope that he chooses to do the same .
I'm not going to stop my life & he knows that . I've backed off any " fussing " over him- although of course I worry,& pray a lot.... I don't have his sponsors number unfortunately. However.. After reading thru these posts today I feel stronger. He's lucky to have me& when he gets they his fog he does know this. No more bitching, nagging or complaining... I'm not even acknowledging this for the time being. I'm putting this in gods hands & pray that he " wakes up "& figures his stuff out ASAP ... Or there will be life changes. Maybe this is my way of " disengaging with love "?..,
Have a good day everyone .. Be strong, thoughtful & kind..& believe in yourself !.. We only get one shot at this life ....
I am a very strong, independent , take care of life woman. I have a good head on my shoulders, a fantastic job, my own car & house( well I'm renting it right now but have money on the bank to buy a house this summer ). I don't need him to take care of me& can make it on my own. Although I do love him & want him ( when he's not in this " place ") in my life. I do not clean up after him, but do clean my house, & i do cook for the kids& I ( they are here partbofbthe time& with their dad part of the time)- if he wants to eat he can, or he can go buy his own food too. He does have s fabulous job, however is off right now due to his surgery 3 weeks ago, he's supposed to start back part time next week & see how he died with his knee from there.
I do get up every day happy-- as I love where I'm at in life & thankful for my kids& family , my job and often for him too. I do still get out &see friends-actually did this last night. I go to the gym & to kids games.
I told him yesterday I realized that I needed to refocus on me & enjoying life , as it's short ( my dad passed away 10 months ago & its had s huge impact on me), & that I hope that he chooses to do the same .
I'm not going to stop my life & he knows that . I've backed off any " fussing " over him- although of course I worry,& pray a lot.... I don't have his sponsors number unfortunately. However.. After reading thru these posts today I feel stronger. He's lucky to have me& when he gets they his fog he does know this. No more bitching, nagging or complaining... I'm not even acknowledging this for the time being. I'm putting this in gods hands & pray that he " wakes up "& figures his stuff out ASAP ... Or there will be life changes. Maybe this is my way of " disengaging with love "?..,
Have a good day everyone .. Be strong, thoughtful & kind..& believe in yourself !.. We only get one shot at this life ....
Soinlove
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 47
It's so back & forth the past few days.. He loves me more than he ever has loved anyone before& he's getting this under control. Said he has a hard time admitting it because he's embarrassed that he isn't able to control it.
Then a few hours later goes to do a couple errands & I know, I can sense it.. He's slipped and is drinking .. Doesn't admit it, but I found s half empty fifth of vodka. I told him I knew. It's a snowy day here so we are all in for the day, he's napped a lot of it. He had dinner and is watching tv with me now, but he's distant . I ask what is wrong & he says nothing but is chugging ice water ... He's fighting it I'm guessing ?.. Testy & irritable because the pull ?
One thing that he said earlier , I'm having a hard time with still.. He loves me more than anything in the world, like he's never loved anyone before, but part of him isn't happy. It's not me, he's not sure what it is.
I'm scared, I don't know how to handle this.... I feel like it's the alcoholic , negative side of him pushing me away bc I don't agree with him drinking ...vs the side of him that is sober and is kind and positive .. The two are battling it out.., I said as much, he said yeah maybe that's it. Again I know it's up to him if he drinks or not & not my responsibility to save him .. But ..
Then a few hours later goes to do a couple errands & I know, I can sense it.. He's slipped and is drinking .. Doesn't admit it, but I found s half empty fifth of vodka. I told him I knew. It's a snowy day here so we are all in for the day, he's napped a lot of it. He had dinner and is watching tv with me now, but he's distant . I ask what is wrong & he says nothing but is chugging ice water ... He's fighting it I'm guessing ?.. Testy & irritable because the pull ?
One thing that he said earlier , I'm having a hard time with still.. He loves me more than anything in the world, like he's never loved anyone before, but part of him isn't happy. It's not me, he's not sure what it is.
I'm scared, I don't know how to handle this.... I feel like it's the alcoholic , negative side of him pushing me away bc I don't agree with him drinking ...vs the side of him that is sober and is kind and positive .. The two are battling it out.., I said as much, he said yeah maybe that's it. Again I know it's up to him if he drinks or not & not my responsibility to save him .. But ..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Tough time Soinlove. And that ". . .but . . ." is always hard to resist.
Pay him the compliment of acting out that this is his own show and keep your sticky paws off of his life (I say sticky paws as another one of the species with sticky paws - sigh).
Keep posting and getting to Alanon.
Pay him the compliment of acting out that this is his own show and keep your sticky paws off of his life (I say sticky paws as another one of the species with sticky paws - sigh).
Keep posting and getting to Alanon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Originally Posted by soinlove 
One thing that he said earlier , I'm having a hard time with still.. He loves me more than anything in the world, like he's never loved anyone before, but part of him isn't happy. It's not me, he's not sure what it is. ..
Just like you I wasn't going to leave. This was my home, not his. He broke the rules not once but many times so having him leave was the only option. I wish you the best of luck. I am in a similar situation
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by soinlove
It's so back & forth the past few days.. He loves me more than he ever has loved anyone before& he's getting this under control. Said he has a hard time admitting it because he's embarrassed that he isn't able to control it.
Then a few hours later goes to do a couple errands & I know, I can sense it.. He's slipped and is drinking .. Doesn't admit it, but I found s half empty fifth of vodka. I told him I knew. It's a snowy day here so we are all in for the day, he's napped a lot of it. He had dinner and is watching tv with me now, but he's distant . I ask what is wrong & he says nothing but is chugging ice water ... He's fighting it I'm guessing ?.. Testy & irritable because the pull ?
One thing that he said earlier , I'm having a hard time with still.. He loves me more than anything in the world, like he's never loved anyone before, but part of him isn't happy. It's not me, he's not sure what it is.
I'm scared, I don't know how to handle this.... I feel like it's the alcoholic , negative side of him pushing me away bc I don't agree with him drinking ...vs the side of him that is sober and is kind and positive .. The two are battling it out.., I said as much, he said yeah maybe that's it. Again I know it's up to him if he drinks or not & not my responsibility to save him .. But ..
Then a few hours later goes to do a couple errands & I know, I can sense it.. He's slipped and is drinking .. Doesn't admit it, but I found s half empty fifth of vodka. I told him I knew. It's a snowy day here so we are all in for the day, he's napped a lot of it. He had dinner and is watching tv with me now, but he's distant . I ask what is wrong & he says nothing but is chugging ice water ... He's fighting it I'm guessing ?.. Testy & irritable because the pull ?
One thing that he said earlier , I'm having a hard time with still.. He loves me more than anything in the world, like he's never loved anyone before, but part of him isn't happy. It's not me, he's not sure what it is.
I'm scared, I don't know how to handle this.... I feel like it's the alcoholic , negative side of him pushing me away bc I don't agree with him drinking ...vs the side of him that is sober and is kind and positive .. The two are battling it out.., I said as much, he said yeah maybe that's it. Again I know it's up to him if he drinks or not & not my responsibility to save him .. But ..
The alcoholic him and the sober him are the same person. Chasing the Sober him is chasing the dragon.
The two are NOT battling it out. There is no battle here. He is actively drinking, and doing nothing about it. End of story.
All alcoholics tell their codie enabler partners that "You are the love of my life" and "I have never loved anyone like I love you". Please list what this love looks like exactly. There really isn't anything loving about active alcoholism........ what he loves is the booze. He loves it more than you. It takes precedence over you, its his #1. You are somewhere on down the line if even on the map. A's need their codies, and work hard to maintain them.
What are you getting out of this relationship currently? You need to look at that rather than back to the sober days.
Soinlove
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 47
.. Thank you everyone. I haven't been back on here in awhile & just re-read this entire thread. Thank you for your words of conform, insight, bold truths. Sadly the cycle just started again ..33 days this time. Today I'm sad & angry and so flipping frustrated. It's been going for two days .. I must admit, it was after I had a weekend of just being an emotional & needy wreck, that had zero to do with him or nothing he said/ did, but me and me alone.
He broke when he saw me crumbling and he went to his " comfort " to handle it..
It sucks.. I hate it, I'm angry and sad both . I'm doing well in life, planning z vacation, soon wil be ready to start the house buying process , my oldest is getting ready to graduate from high school and younger two are truly great kids ( far from perfect, but great all the same ), I loved my family dearly although don't live Bailee close by & have a somewhat strained relationship with my only sister, approaching almost the 1 year mark of losing my dad to cancer - still gets me ( he was a long time alcoholic himself , so yes I grew up with an alcoholic parent ) .
My guy , is struggling .. alcohol is his crutch , his go to when life overwhelms him .. Right now it is-- with his job getting very complicated , with me pushing some of the things I'm ready to move toward ( buying house & more), whine he's just coming off a big financial set back .
So for me& my kids, I'm backing off... I'm taking care of life and all that needs to be done, I'm making myself get back to gym regularly , making myself get out of house & see friends . I know I cannot sit & wait while he does this to himself again . And although I first felt guilty like it was my emotional neediness from last weekend that pushed him, really- I know that's not it, it's his easy way out if dealing with life when it's hard..& then now he's in this spiral ...& either he's going to stop it and get on board or continue - but that is on him. We could have such a great life together if he'd pull his head out of his ... However that's his choice on his part ... I on the other hand have some thinking to do -- how long do I keep riding this merry go round .. While in the meantime life is flying by without me ...
He broke when he saw me crumbling and he went to his " comfort " to handle it..
It sucks.. I hate it, I'm angry and sad both . I'm doing well in life, planning z vacation, soon wil be ready to start the house buying process , my oldest is getting ready to graduate from high school and younger two are truly great kids ( far from perfect, but great all the same ), I loved my family dearly although don't live Bailee close by & have a somewhat strained relationship with my only sister, approaching almost the 1 year mark of losing my dad to cancer - still gets me ( he was a long time alcoholic himself , so yes I grew up with an alcoholic parent ) .
My guy , is struggling .. alcohol is his crutch , his go to when life overwhelms him .. Right now it is-- with his job getting very complicated , with me pushing some of the things I'm ready to move toward ( buying house & more), whine he's just coming off a big financial set back .
So for me& my kids, I'm backing off... I'm taking care of life and all that needs to be done, I'm making myself get back to gym regularly , making myself get out of house & see friends . I know I cannot sit & wait while he does this to himself again . And although I first felt guilty like it was my emotional neediness from last weekend that pushed him, really- I know that's not it, it's his easy way out if dealing with life when it's hard..& then now he's in this spiral ...& either he's going to stop it and get on board or continue - but that is on him. We could have such a great life together if he'd pull his head out of his ... However that's his choice on his part ... I on the other hand have some thinking to do -- how long do I keep riding this merry go round .. While in the meantime life is flying by without me ...
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