Alternatives to Al-Anon
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Alternatives to Al-Anon
I don't want to offend anyone because this is my first time posting. I am interested in attending a live group for spouse support but I wondered if there was anything besides Al-Anon. Again, I don't want to offend anyone that uses it and believes in it and has found success with it. I don't agree with some of the 12-step beliefs and I don't think it's right for me. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi'ya Bunky!
We're all too busy being offended by our addicts to be offended by you. Sound off, girl!
I have cruised the web a bit, looking for alternatives to "anon" groups for those of us who love addicts, and there's really not much out there. I don't think our problem is so easily recognized as addiction. There are a few, though, so try searching using the keywords al-anon, alternative and (your city or state).
Not everybody here is "stepping", and not everybody who goes to al-anon meetings buys the whole ball of wax. We still have a lot in common, and info. and ideas will surface that you can use.
Because of my work, it is impossible for me to attend meetings. That is what makes this forum a blessing to me.
Keep on posting! We'll be your "group" if you can't find another one you relate to.
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Smoke
Oh, and p.s.
You said you're "not sure" it's for you. It's okay to go to some meetings and find out. You may find that the steps make more sense to you as you see how other people apply them.
[This message has been edited by smoke gets in my eyes (edited October 26, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by smoke gets in my eyes (edited October 26, 2001).]
We're all too busy being offended by our addicts to be offended by you. Sound off, girl!
I have cruised the web a bit, looking for alternatives to "anon" groups for those of us who love addicts, and there's really not much out there. I don't think our problem is so easily recognized as addiction. There are a few, though, so try searching using the keywords al-anon, alternative and (your city or state).
Not everybody here is "stepping", and not everybody who goes to al-anon meetings buys the whole ball of wax. We still have a lot in common, and info. and ideas will surface that you can use.
Because of my work, it is impossible for me to attend meetings. That is what makes this forum a blessing to me.
Keep on posting! We'll be your "group" if you can't find another one you relate to.
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
Smoke
Oh, and p.s.
You said you're "not sure" it's for you. It's okay to go to some meetings and find out. You may find that the steps make more sense to you as you see how other people apply them.
[This message has been edited by smoke gets in my eyes (edited October 26, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by smoke gets in my eyes (edited October 26, 2001).]
Guest
Posts: n/a
I like playing with the little message icons.
I may attend an Al-Anon, but it's heavily based in religion and most of the meetings held locally are in churches.
Smoke, I love message boards for the same reason you do. I work 60 hours/week, exercise, volunteer with an animal rescue group plus take care of my furkids. And, have 45 minute weekly "couple" sessions and a 45 minute individual session.
I've looked at Rational Recovery but there's very little for spouses. I like most of what they say, but they advocate a "do it yourself" approach. While it's important for addicts to gain confidence for solving their problems, I don't think it addresses the basic issue that most addicts don't realize they have a problem. To them, "doing it themselves" means "I'll ignore the problem and it will go away".
Moderation Management was promising until I found out that the founder had a +.20 BAC and killed someone.
I don't know alot about SMART and what, if any, support is available for spouses.
I may attend an Al-Anon, but it's heavily based in religion and most of the meetings held locally are in churches.
Smoke, I love message boards for the same reason you do. I work 60 hours/week, exercise, volunteer with an animal rescue group plus take care of my furkids. And, have 45 minute weekly "couple" sessions and a 45 minute individual session.
I've looked at Rational Recovery but there's very little for spouses. I like most of what they say, but they advocate a "do it yourself" approach. While it's important for addicts to gain confidence for solving their problems, I don't think it addresses the basic issue that most addicts don't realize they have a problem. To them, "doing it themselves" means "I'll ignore the problem and it will go away".
Moderation Management was promising until I found out that the founder had a +.20 BAC and killed someone.
I don't know alot about SMART and what, if any, support is available for spouses.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Sorry, I don't know of any other groups. My father was an athiest who went to AA. It never seemed to work very long for him. He always relapsed again after a few months.
The problem is, I don't think AA can work without some sort of belief in God, or some sort of spiritual belief. We need to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves who will care for us.
And at this point medical science hasn't come up with a cure for addiction. So there is really no where else to turn but to God.
I've been an athiest in the past, but I am trying my best now to come to some sort of belief in God. I'm trying to work the third step.
Fortunately my addicted daughter does believe in God, and she has been clean for almost 90 days now in NA.
Sometimes I tell myself that it doesn't matter whether or not a belief is true--what is really important is whether or not a belief is benificial.
Well, I will say a prayer for you. I find that praying helps to strengthen my beliefs.
Hugs,
Melly
The problem is, I don't think AA can work without some sort of belief in God, or some sort of spiritual belief. We need to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves who will care for us.
And at this point medical science hasn't come up with a cure for addiction. So there is really no where else to turn but to God.
I've been an athiest in the past, but I am trying my best now to come to some sort of belief in God. I'm trying to work the third step.
Fortunately my addicted daughter does believe in God, and she has been clean for almost 90 days now in NA.
Sometimes I tell myself that it doesn't matter whether or not a belief is true--what is really important is whether or not a belief is benificial.
Well, I will say a prayer for you. I find that praying helps to strengthen my beliefs.
Hugs,
Melly
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: denver,co
Posts: 6
Hi,
I am new to the thread as well. I am looking for a support group that is non religious, but have come up empty handed. I am a girlfriend of an alcoholic and am looking for support to help my relationship. I have called several therapists for counceling (boyfriends idea) but all but one have refused to see us due to the fact that my boyfriend will not quit. I don't want him to quit completely because he won't. I can not give him an ultimatium because that is not fair and I still want to drink. The drinking has not really been the problem the last couple of weeks. It is my reaction to certain things. I have become physically abusive to him and to myself and am looking for help and support. I feel so alone, depressed, embarrassed and scared. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because they will judge me and I don't really want them to know. I am scared to loose my boyfriend without putting 100% into this relationship and I am scared that if this relationship doesn't work, I will be the same way in the next one. One more thing, we both don't believe in marriage, but are committed to each other as life partners. Leaving each other would be considered a divorce to us and we do not want to go down that road. We are considering this relationship as if we were married.
any wise words would be of help
misskatieb
I am new to the thread as well. I am looking for a support group that is non religious, but have come up empty handed. I am a girlfriend of an alcoholic and am looking for support to help my relationship. I have called several therapists for counceling (boyfriends idea) but all but one have refused to see us due to the fact that my boyfriend will not quit. I don't want him to quit completely because he won't. I can not give him an ultimatium because that is not fair and I still want to drink. The drinking has not really been the problem the last couple of weeks. It is my reaction to certain things. I have become physically abusive to him and to myself and am looking for help and support. I feel so alone, depressed, embarrassed and scared. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because they will judge me and I don't really want them to know. I am scared to loose my boyfriend without putting 100% into this relationship and I am scared that if this relationship doesn't work, I will be the same way in the next one. One more thing, we both don't believe in marriage, but are committed to each other as life partners. Leaving each other would be considered a divorce to us and we do not want to go down that road. We are considering this relationship as if we were married.
any wise words would be of help
misskatieb
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Brantskate
You have replied to a post from 2001, probably from the archives, but your concerns are still relevant.
My suggestion would be counselling for yourself. If you have become physically abusive then something is spinning you out of control and I pray you will get help before someone gets badly hurt.
If he is active in his addiction and you feel a need to drink, then my feeling is that this situation is not going to get better any time soon.
Perhaps just take a big step back, decide if your drinking is part of the problem, and then take positive action to do something about it.
Hugs
Ann
You have replied to a post from 2001, probably from the archives, but your concerns are still relevant.
My suggestion would be counselling for yourself. If you have become physically abusive then something is spinning you out of control and I pray you will get help before someone gets badly hurt.
If he is active in his addiction and you feel a need to drink, then my feeling is that this situation is not going to get better any time soon.
Perhaps just take a big step back, decide if your drinking is part of the problem, and then take positive action to do something about it.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Reading,OH
Posts: 1
Alternatives to Al Anon
I am sober and working through things now. I have had a friend who went from drinking and smoking pot to using crack cocaine. We drank together and we both knew we had a serious problem with alcohol. We both were in and out of AA. Once he got into crack he fell down so fast I lost him. If he's still alive I'd say he's in prison and he is not a "hard" person. I had no words to console his mother with. So I have seen this thing from both sides and my friend is only one person that I've lost. I think first off is to take a breath and realize that whatever has transpired you are a human being. We have limits on how much we can deal with before things get haywire. Finding an understanding and supportive therapist is a good first start. Even with an actively using person. I think this is important if at all possible. It may not be possible to afford this due to suffering finances from having an addict in the household. A support group of some kind even if it doesn't directly address your "addict" problem, getting emotional support is a good place to start. You'll need a lot of emotional support to begin to get some of your sanity and sense of "self" back. As difficult as it is for me to do the things I need to do I know that for my mother and others that have cared about me it is even hard to get your self worth back. Everything is distorted. I go to SMART which deals with many forms of behavior not just with susbstance addiction but other mal adjusted behaviors. Gambling,sex,spending, and overeating to depression help. It deals with things through what is called cognitive therapy. It sounds more technical than it is. It can work to support your dealing with another individual. Also there is a organization called NAMI. It offers support for those who have loved ones that are mentally ill. I can understand that after years of neglect and horrible mistreatment from the user you have grown to dispise this person. This doesn't make you a bad person for feeling this way and to me seems healthy to have a lot of anger. You didn't ask for this and certainly don't deserve it.
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
My AH has been to probably ten different AA groups before he found one that "fits him like a glove". I would say keep searching for a group. Another AA phrase is "place principles above personalities." Many of these people may have something you don't have, so even if they believe in God, they may say something that will benefit you.
Take care, and hope you find a group soon.
Take care, and hope you find a group soon.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: West Vancouver, BC
Posts: 405
12 step groups are not RELIGIOUS - they are based on a Higher Power that can be anything that is NOT MYSELF..They use the word God as a convenience as many people do use God as their Higher Power..some people use the group, some people use the power of Nature, some people use the power of Love, I use "God" as I DON'T understand Him.. It says right in the literature that it is not affiliated with any religion...The reason it is mostly held in churches is because they charge a VERY LOW rent for self help groups, even Amnesty International hold a meeting where I go...Does that clear anything up for you ???
Janni
Janni
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Originally Posted by DesertEyes
Hey people, this is supposed to be a welcome thread to a person who just arrived. Please restrict discussions other than a welcome to the appropriate forum.
Mike
Mike
I'm confused.... It looks like teh person we're welcoming (Hi there!!
) is talking about alternatives?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by equus
I'm confused.... It looks like teh person we're welcoming (Hi there!! ) is talking about alternatives?
) is talking about alternatives?Mike
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Southwest, USA
Posts: 10
Agreed, the foundation of the program is spiritual in nature, the ultimate goal being a spiritual awakening. But, the tenets of the programs are such that you can "take what you like and leave the rest." My recovering A told me last week that while he is still "not religious," he has become significantly more "spiritual." IMHO, that transition is what makes the personality transformation possible--moving away from the "self" and toward the "other."
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