TonyKC

I've struggled with my mom's alcoholism for the past 5 years and last Saturday was the final straw: while watching my 5 yo nephew, she fell down the stairs, cracked a rib, collapsed a lung, cut her hand open, and got a black eye. I had to help take her to the emergency room because her husband is also an alcoholic.

Long story short: this isn't the first time my mom has been hammered while watching children. But it's the last, at least with my daughter. My sister is very tolerant of my mom's drinking.

QUESTION: Am I completely off my rocker to just want to eliminate contact between my daughter and my mom until some time in the future? I'm not saying never, I'm just saying I'm not comfortable with it and that I have to look out for what's best for my daughter.

I will get a lot of cr*p from my siblings because they think I am too intolerant. I am the bad guy. Not sure why I am saying it here, I just have to say it because I feel like they don't have my back and it hurts my relationship with them too.

DoubleDragons

Tony, I am in your shoes. My mom is an alcoholic who has been in the emergency room with major broken bones, black eyes, etc etc from falls due to her alcoholism. I went no contact with my alcoholic mother and extremely enabling father about 8-9 months ago, after a moment like the one that you are having, where I said enough is enough. By default, my four children no longer have contact with them either. My only regret is that I didn't do go "no contact" sooner. Too many holidays and family events have been tainted with my mom's alcoholic actions, behaviors and even just the fearful anticipation of "What way is it going to go?" I recently asked my kids if they missed their grandparents and the response was that they miss the people they used to be before the alcoholism really went up quite a few notches. They are relieved to not be around them now.

There was a member here who I don't believe is active anymore (NWGRITS) who had DSS investigating her and she was in danger of losing her children because she left them in the care of her alcoholic mom during a short trip. So, in short, I think it is more irresponsible in keeping alcoholics and their antics as a big part of our children's lives or worse, in the alcoholics' care.

Finally, I had so reached my final straw that I really didn't give one flying %^$# as to what people thought about my position with my parents but I can say that I am pleasantly surprised as to the support I have received from friends, extended family and my sister actually got the guts to go "no contact" at the same time. Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised, as well.

LexieCat

I think you are absolutely not only NOT off your rocker, but doing the only sane and responsible thing under the circumstances. You aren't cutting her off forever, necessarily, but she isn't safe to be around the way she is right now.

And I agree with DD--you may find support for your decision--and rewards--from unexpected sources.

Mountainmanbob

Our job is to protect the children.
Bob

NewRomanMan

You have every right to protect your children and your sanity. Your mom has a disease. Until she chooses to treat it, removing yourself from the insanity and chaos is the best thing you can do for yourself and you're family. You're not being "the bad guy". You're being a responsible adult.

TonyKC

DoubleDragons,

You have no idea how much I appreciate your post.

Knowing that someone else has navigated this problem makes me feel like I'm not alone and that maybe I'm not nuts to consider doing what I am doing.

Maudcat

It is absolutely okay to stay away from your mom, and imperative that she not babysit your daughter.when she has been drinking. Honestly, she shouldn't be babysitting anyone when she is impaired, but I guess that's not your call to make. If something happens to a child in her care and she has been drinking, well, your family will be forever changed. As to getting grief from sibs, one of the really strange things about alcoholism is how family members normalize the alcoholics' unstable behavior. It is not normal for someone to be drunk during the day, which I assume is when your mom fell. Anyway, stand your ground. Do what feels right for you and safe for your daughter. There is a bunch of good info about drinkers and families on this site and on the web. Personally, I recommend Al-Anon for people troubled by a loved one's drinking. Great source of support and knowledge. Peace.

SoloMio

My DDIL has refused contact between GS and AH, and I respect her boundary, even though it means I see less of GS myself (I can go to see him, but obviously they're not going to come by the house like they used to). I feel it's perfectly reasonable, and in fact, very good judgment. "Tolerance" has nothing to do with it.