OT - AXH and gifts to DS

Old 10-24-2016, 12:24 PM
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OT - AXH and gifts to DS

DS's birthday was about a week ago. He's amazing, wonderful, kind, smart, strong... I can go on. It's one of the few times a year he "hears" from his dad. By hear from I mean, receives a gift that is out of touch with what DS likes, because, well, AXH hasn't seen or talked with DS in about a year a half - the last time was at my xFIL's funeral (at which AXH was hammered/high/what-have-you), and before that hadn't seen him since April 2012. 4 years since the court told him to take of of things before he saw DS again and 4 years that he's refused to do so and so far just opted to not see DS again.

Anyway, last year saw gifts from AXH and the current GF for DS's birthday and Christmas; both signed on the same card and then the GF sent her own card with a letter to DS. I opened this year's birthday gifts (note plural) because of her letter last year. (They weren't wrapped anyway.) One gift was from AXH - with the card signed by AXH only. The second came direct from a huge online retailer and said from "Dad - [full name]". So here's what I find funny/sad:
  1. He physically signed the birthday card with "Dad" and then added his full name below. So he feels unconnected enough that he has to remind DS of who he is and what his name is, but doesn't step up to do anything else a father should do.
  2. While he appreciated both, DS thought the online retail-sent gift was cooler.
  3. The online retailer gift came with a gift receipt that lets you send a 'thank you' using [this] code. So I typed in the code and signed in on my account with the retailer so DS could send a thank you note. It auto-populates the person's name on the account that made the purchase, not the name the purchaser input on the who-the-gift-is-from section. Not surprisingly, it came up with her name. (Just as it automatically came up with my name as the card signer.)

Which, OK. I get it could have still been from him/them even though she paid - it kind of, sort of was. She wouldn't be connected to DS in any way, shape, or form, if not for AXH. But I remember how things went with AXH. It was OK for us to share "credit" for the gifts to his niece (and then later for DS) for a while. He "let" me sign the cards. But man, he really, REALLY does not like to share credit for doing good. Later, he'd "forget" to let me sign before sending it off. Then he'd started "forgetting" to let me know that he'd bought and sent something already, so there'd be 2 gifts sent. And when he found out that I'd bought something to give also, there was h-11 to pay... but really, only if I was stupid enough to put my name on it. It took about 10 years for us to get to that point, but it's only been about 2 years for the current GF.

BTW, none of this was said to DS when he opened the boxes and read the cards, but the smile kind of faded when he read her name at the top of the auto-populated thank you, even after he saw my name auto-populated at the bottom. I told him he could change the "to" name, but he left it and just added "and Dad".

So, I know, it sounds like a lot of inferences and it sounds like I've been thinking about it too much, but the thoughts happened pretty much in a snap. It took longer to write it out in a format that others might understand. And I just need to get it out of my head so I can stop laughing about Dad-full name signature on the card and wanting to [not really cry, but kind of sit in the blue] on behalf of both DS and the GF that AXH is in their lives.
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Old 10-24-2016, 12:58 PM
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FWIW, I sometimes order items from (most likely) the same online retailer on behalf of other people because I get free 2-day shipping. They tell me what to order for them. Not saying that was necessarily (or even likely) the case here, but whatever. I also used to buy gifts for my last ex's kids on his behalf because he was broke.

Your son is (unfortunately) probably pretty used to dad's dropping the ball on these rare occasions, and he probably doesn't care that much about whose name is on the account--he might have just been momentarily thrown that dad's name didn't come up on the account.

Yes, signing his full name under "Dad" is weird, but a lot less weird than the rest of the neglect of his son.

Glad your kiddo has a mom looking out for him.

Hugs!
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Old 10-24-2016, 01:11 PM
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Yep, Lexie. DS is used to it. He even noted that the next time he'll "hear" from "Dad" is Christmas. He did the two-hand quotation mark mime at both - to be fair, though, that's one of his favorite things to do when talking right now.
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Old 10-24-2016, 01:29 PM
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"Air quotes"--gotta love it!
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Old 10-24-2016, 02:20 PM
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Thanks. I couldn't think of the term.

IKR. He's just about the coolest kid. I never know what to expect. We've had serious discussions about carnivorous plants, cartoons and animation, how speaking different languages involves more than just words, copyright laws... why I'm not as old as he seems to think, just because I love certain bands/artists. (They were classic when I was listening, kid! *This* group was popular when Grandpa was in high school! *This* group was around when Grandpa was younger than you are now.)

He is loving air quotes right now, though.
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