Signs, signs and more signs... so grateful!!
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 384
Signs, signs and more signs... so grateful!!
I went to the park to read a book and an older lady sat down next to me. We start talking and instantly I saw myself in her. She had just gone 3 months no contact with an A she was dating (?) and the stories she was telling me made me want to take her by the shoulders and yell, "what are you thinking? you should know better!"
Then I realized I was making an assumption. Age has nothing to do with whether or not you are with an active A. She was asking me questions like...
Did he yell at you in public?
Did he put you down?
Did he call you names?
Did he lose his license because of his drinking?
Do you still think about him?
She was saying things like...
He was so nice in the beginning.
He didn't want to pick me up so he could drink.
He would drop me off so that I could watch his mom for 12 hours and then go off and drink
I am sitting there thinking... why in the HELL would you put up with that?
My goodness, *I* put up with that. Our stories are not identical but I put up with stuff other people would have left years ago. Her age made me see her in an "older and wiser" type of way but not everyone takes the same path. I see what people here were saying now... I could have easily spent the rest of my life locked in a dysfunctional relationship with exA.
I hope I see her again and that she is able to start letting go of this guy...
She seemed surprised after she asked me what I would do if I saw him in public... I would remain civil but wouldn't approach him... and if he said hello I would say hi back but that would be that... it made me feel sad and so so so grateful for support groups/forums/therapy/books... my childhood patterns could have EASILY become a life sentence.
It is amazing that we are all here... you are here for a reason!
Keep going, have faith.... it gets so much better!!
Then I realized I was making an assumption. Age has nothing to do with whether or not you are with an active A. She was asking me questions like...
Did he yell at you in public?
Did he put you down?
Did he call you names?
Did he lose his license because of his drinking?
Do you still think about him?
She was saying things like...
He was so nice in the beginning.
He didn't want to pick me up so he could drink.
He would drop me off so that I could watch his mom for 12 hours and then go off and drink
I am sitting there thinking... why in the HELL would you put up with that?
My goodness, *I* put up with that. Our stories are not identical but I put up with stuff other people would have left years ago. Her age made me see her in an "older and wiser" type of way but not everyone takes the same path. I see what people here were saying now... I could have easily spent the rest of my life locked in a dysfunctional relationship with exA.
I hope I see her again and that she is able to start letting go of this guy...
She seemed surprised after she asked me what I would do if I saw him in public... I would remain civil but wouldn't approach him... and if he said hello I would say hi back but that would be that... it made me feel sad and so so so grateful for support groups/forums/therapy/books... my childhood patterns could have EASILY become a life sentence.
It is amazing that we are all here... you are here for a reason!
Keep going, have faith.... it gets so much better!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
What a great post, Expanding! Thanks for sharing that here, and also for sharing your experience w/the lady in the park. Who knows, you might be the first glimmer of light that will help her find her way out of the dark someday...
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,998
Really really telling story here Expanding.
I'm always wondering how much choice do we have in life. If you really do not know the dynamics of relationship with alcoholics and have no access to support, you might choose very differently.
There are older folks who don't use the internet and would never think to google their circumstances. That being said, I left my qualifier in 87 way before internet and new a fair amount just because I am a reader.
I'm always wondering how much choice do we have in life. If you really do not know the dynamics of relationship with alcoholics and have no access to support, you might choose very differently.
There are older folks who don't use the internet and would never think to google their circumstances. That being said, I left my qualifier in 87 way before internet and new a fair amount just because I am a reader.
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