Feeling mixed up and no one to talk to
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
Happy Wednesday all!
Divorce was granted in the final court date of the Prove-Up last week. The non for profit lawyer thru the agency "LifeSpan for Domestic Violence" was able to get all fees for the court reporter and transcript waived. All I had to cover was the parking fee and fare for the trains to get downtown. All was granted and a child support garnishment order was signed by the judge as well. The Order of Protection is listed in the divorce degree as well as the Supervised visitation. All stipulations for our little daughter are in the final divorce record!!! YEAH!!!! I went to the Supervised Center in Chicago that is also non for profit and did the intake for my end. He has not called the center nor set up an interview for his intake. Which means-he does not see his daughter. Once upon a time about a year ago I felt bad about considering that option, now I would never change my mind nor back down from the need for it. My daughter is barely 2 and needs to be loved and protected. I had contact with her dad's family (my daughters grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins) and the initial contact was emotional for me. I drove to their residence and then drove away as I was too nervous. I did finally go there but was hesitant as they had not seen my daughter in 10 months, she was an infant last they saw her. I was told by her dads sister that they allowed no contact with my daughters father. He was not allowed to call nor go to the residence and they had not seen him in 9 months. The grandfather (my ex's dad) was cold at first but thanked me for coming. He said he really wanted a relationship with my daughter and asked that I bring her back so she gets used to the family. 3 weeks after that initial contact I made another point to take her back to play with the cousins and visit with grandpa and grandma. This time when I walked in the front door, the grandfather came up to me and grabbed me so tight and hugged me close and kissed my cheek. He said thank you, thank you so much for coming back. I finally felt ok there and I am determined to keep the relationship open for my daughters sake. She may not have her dad around but she has his family's support and that means a lot to me as well as they were very aware of most of what I endured with their son. They know my visitation arrangements for their son and I explained that is in place to ensure her safety. I wanted to reach out to his family earlier but I knew I had to do it when the time was right for me. I waited until all was finalized and I had the protection order entended in case he does at some point decide to show up where I am. I explained to his family and they understand.
I signed my kids up for the Park District programs that were approved in a grant funding and I start a mommy and me dance class on Fri nights for my 2 year old and I. Life is finally better for me and I intend to do all I have to in order to keep it this way. Romantically-I am not dating nor do I plan to until my kids are older and I am financially even better off. I can work on me as long as I need to and smile from the inside out. God Bless and thank you all for your empowering words of wisdom!
Divorce was granted in the final court date of the Prove-Up last week. The non for profit lawyer thru the agency "LifeSpan for Domestic Violence" was able to get all fees for the court reporter and transcript waived. All I had to cover was the parking fee and fare for the trains to get downtown. All was granted and a child support garnishment order was signed by the judge as well. The Order of Protection is listed in the divorce degree as well as the Supervised visitation. All stipulations for our little daughter are in the final divorce record!!! YEAH!!!! I went to the Supervised Center in Chicago that is also non for profit and did the intake for my end. He has not called the center nor set up an interview for his intake. Which means-he does not see his daughter. Once upon a time about a year ago I felt bad about considering that option, now I would never change my mind nor back down from the need for it. My daughter is barely 2 and needs to be loved and protected. I had contact with her dad's family (my daughters grandparents, aunt, uncles and cousins) and the initial contact was emotional for me. I drove to their residence and then drove away as I was too nervous. I did finally go there but was hesitant as they had not seen my daughter in 10 months, she was an infant last they saw her. I was told by her dads sister that they allowed no contact with my daughters father. He was not allowed to call nor go to the residence and they had not seen him in 9 months. The grandfather (my ex's dad) was cold at first but thanked me for coming. He said he really wanted a relationship with my daughter and asked that I bring her back so she gets used to the family. 3 weeks after that initial contact I made another point to take her back to play with the cousins and visit with grandpa and grandma. This time when I walked in the front door, the grandfather came up to me and grabbed me so tight and hugged me close and kissed my cheek. He said thank you, thank you so much for coming back. I finally felt ok there and I am determined to keep the relationship open for my daughters sake. She may not have her dad around but she has his family's support and that means a lot to me as well as they were very aware of most of what I endured with their son. They know my visitation arrangements for their son and I explained that is in place to ensure her safety. I wanted to reach out to his family earlier but I knew I had to do it when the time was right for me. I waited until all was finalized and I had the protection order entended in case he does at some point decide to show up where I am. I explained to his family and they understand.
I signed my kids up for the Park District programs that were approved in a grant funding and I start a mommy and me dance class on Fri nights for my 2 year old and I. Life is finally better for me and I intend to do all I have to in order to keep it this way. Romantically-I am not dating nor do I plan to until my kids are older and I am financially even better off. I can work on me as long as I need to and smile from the inside out. God Bless and thank you all for your empowering words of wisdom!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I swear, I get goose bumps every time I read one of your posts, nb. I'm so happy everything has worked out so well for you--and that even his family look like they are on board with protecting your daughter. Hopefully that will continue.
Mega hugs!
Mega hugs!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
newbeginnings....I am so glad to hear from you....and I can see how you are blooming....
Extended family adds so much enrichment to a child's life...when it is possible...
You are a good mother...
thanks for not forgetting to come back and let us know how your life is going!
Extended family adds so much enrichment to a child's life...when it is possible...
You are a good mother...
thanks for not forgetting to come back and let us know how your life is going!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Newbeginnings.....did you realize that almost twelve thousand people have seen your thread?!! that is not even counting how many might have read your sticky.......
I know you have helped other women......and it continues....
I know you have helped other women......and it continues....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I swear, I get goose bumps every time I read one of your posts, nb. I'm so happy everything has worked out so well for you--and that even his family look like they are on board with protecting your daughter
People come here fairly often looking for success stories - myself included. Hoping to hear tales of marriages that made it through addiction...and there are some.....
But yours is one of my absolute favorite success stories so far, and is a far more frequent type of success than the one I came here looking for.
Thanks for sharing with us and giving hope for a great life that is well deserved!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
have just been able to pop on .. Newbeginings.. my Dear Heart Prayers hopes for a better tomorrow and more Prayers.. you can do it.. you are a strong and solid Women and MOM... Faith Family and Prayers win over so much.. so proud of you ... Go Team Go..
Originally Posted by newbeginings16 
How is everyone doing???!!!! I am so happy to report that my kids and I are well and thriving. I was at court a week ago and although I had to fight for the order, I received another year of the protection order and after I calmly explained to the judge I needed the visitation to be moved to supervised and why (drugs and alcohol, violence, arrests again and our child only being 22 months) she granted my order. "He" has been gone for 9 months. Completely gone, no help financially with our daughter etc. It was so hard at first as many who have followed my story well know. I am glowing and so happy internally that all around me notice. If he chooses to come back into her life he has to do an intake at the supervised center that the judge specified. It takes effort for him to do this so I highly doubt he will ever see her again. He, like many others, (claiming recovery but not truly in recovery or really working it) has continued his violent path, switched to a new target (new girlfriend and probably fiancé at this point) and started all over again as many choose to do in these situations. I have accomplished so much in these last 9 months that I want to cry from happiness. On my own completely I have been able to have groceries for my kids weekly, maintain my car and the payments, replace 2 front tires on the car, replace the starter on the car, fix the trunk latch that broke, research and connect with a social worker and speech therapist for my 22 month old, pay my previous gas bill (yes, when I did my taxes I called and paid it off completely- this was a huge concern with my landlord as I could not connect the gas in my name last August), purchase seasonal pool passes for my family (help from the park district which I applied for a grant from), pay my rent on time, pay a past due ticket for no city sticker and purchase the new city sticker for my car, purchase my plate sticker for the car, attend all 3 court hearings for my divorce which I had to take the train and busses to as it was far downtown and pay off my one little credit card that was unpaid for 6 straight months. There are other little things too but these things were huge for me to do all on my own. I still attend weekly Domestic Violence Group Counseling, and twice a month individual therapy. I keep ready my Co-Dependent literature as well as dealing very differently with family and friends that are in recovery and are determined for a better life. I fully support them but from a distance as it's all to real for me. So to all I say thank you for all your support and encouragement. Those on here reached out when I was in my most desperate of times. I am happy and proud of all I have become as a friend, Boss and Mother. God Bless all
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
I see now that over 12,000 have seen my threads! Ill say YEAH!!!!!! I made it and will continue to make it! This is an amazing group and I have grown so much in the past year. God Bless All!
NewBeginnings.....I am wishing the best summer, ever, for you and your kids.....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by newbeginings16
I see now that over 12,000 have seen my threads! Ill say YEAH!!!!!! I made it and will continue to make it! This is an amazing group and I have grown so much in the past year. God Bless All!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
Hi All! I hope everyone is well and those that are not, I wish you much hope on this tricky and rocky journey. A quick update-My kids and I are great. I am still caught up on my regular bills, I am paying everything on my own, my kids and I are still participating in Park District activities and I am continuing to grow. I was approached by two separate men at two times and once I felt them out I saw the red flags (one with addiction and one as an abuser) and I flat out said I would not go out with them and I blocked them completely. I didn't feel bad and I kept on with my life. Mothers day was amazing. I have been left alone by the abusive addict for 15 months(or something like that), my kids are doing great and the Salvation Army came to my place on Mothers Day with a gift and a beautiful Cake. They said another member had recommended me to be one of the moms they focused on to celebrate. Over the weekend too I baptized my youngest child and I cried as the deacon prayed for us. I realized yet again I was able to enjoy the moments and really appreciate everyone around me without the abusive addict being there to ruin the peaceful joy in my daughters moment. God bless all out there. This place is great and there is hope out there! My kids and I are living proof!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Always awesome to hear from you, nb! We have a lot of folks who are new, and in more or less the same spot you found yourself, for whom your story will be an inspiration.
Mega hugs to you and the kiddos! And also to all the awesome people out there in the social service agencies you've reached out to that have helped you get to this spot.
Mega hugs to you and the kiddos! And also to all the awesome people out there in the social service agencies you've reached out to that have helped you get to this spot.
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