jada1981

I posted before about finding the receipt showing that STBXAH had purchased beer when he was with the kids and on the night they were staying over at his place. The receipt somehow got put into the bag with their clothes in it, which he brought back to my house. Of course, when I found it, I was put on autopilot right back to the old days when I would start questioning him and he would in turn lie.

I was telling my therapist about this and she pointed out to me that he he purposely (not on a conscious level) wanted me to know he was drinking so that I would shame him and then he could again, see me as the evil witch, which helps him rationalize his drinking. She said I fell right back into it.

This really opened my eyes and was a good reminder of how I need to focus on my serenity and being as far removed from the crazy cycle as possible.

dandylion

LOL...your therapist is, obviously, very Freudian.....with the "unconscious thought" and all......lol...I just call it carelessness....
However...I think that removal from the crazy cycle is the best advice you could get anywhere o n the planet.....

dandylion

LexieCat

Yeah, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...

sauerkraut

But what about the safety of the kids? I mean your reaction is not based on an irrational attempt to police or control his behavior; it's based on a legitimate concern about what he's doing when he has your kids, right?

For me I differentiate the two--what my STBXAH is up to is entirely his business most of the time, but when he has our children, he needs to demonstrate that he's sober for their safety and security.

FeelingGreat

I wouldn't go as far as your therapist, but I'm sure that if he'd been desperate not to be caught he would have been very careful to cover his tracks.