Adrian80

Thanks for all the advice guys.

Carol Star

Do not deprive anyone of their bottom. They have to hit bottom in order to come out. Recovery is about growing up. My doc said "being with an alcoholic is like having a bright, red ,racecar- with no engine in it."

Adrian80

I am. I see that's the only way he's going to get himself some help. He texted last night and today about food but if this is what he wants he's going to have to find a way to feed himself.

newbeginings16

Hell yes to all that everyone stated here! This is drama and chaos and many of us here were drawn to that at certain points. Al-Anon girl, please, I beg you. If you cannot get to a meeting go to the library and check out the steps of Al-Anon and other info on the group. I am doing it now. I can tell you absolute horror stories and I fought back each time even though deep down I loved the man. Consider yourself lucky here, you can and have the ability to rid his of your life. Take the warning from the property manager into court with all the other texts and documentations you have. You need a protection order to say the least. I married an addict and we have a young child together. I never tried to stop his actions, I did however provide consequences. He has since put himself into rehab, has a serious sponsor and attends meetings every single day. I have no idea where my life will go with him. I am staying my path and hopefully he will continue his. If yours does not do something soon, it could be too late for him-sooner rather than later. Mine wanted another baby in the height of his using and I was too scared to say no, I did however go and see my doctor and got heavy birth control. Please keep yourself safe, and keep updating here.

Adrian80

I'm going to just fall back and let him figure this out on his own. It's hard because I know he's not in his right frame of mind but it's getting old real fast.

Adrian80

Update: So Tuesday he showed up on the property which the manager said was ok as long as he didn't bother anyone and if he did let him know. Well another tenant here that we have a history of not getting along with picked an argument with him and then called the police. He was arrested for trespassing. It upset my manager because although he drinks we all know that the main issue right now is he's off his meds, manic and needs to be hospitalized for an extended amount of time. So he went to court today and the manager explained the situation and got all charges dropped. So we got word a couple of hours ago that he would be released sometime later tonight. He's still not allowed to stay because he's not on his meds or stable. The manager is trying to get papers together to have him hospitalized and to keep him from checking his self out. I'm on pins and needles because I'm pretty sure the first thing he's going to do when he get released is go on the hunt for beer and cigarettes and then probably try and make his way here. I love him and want more than anything for him to get help but at the same time this situation has traumatized me and I really don't want him around. Just thinking about him coming around and what could happen makes me nervous. I also feel a great amount of guilt. I've been the woman in his life for 3 years. We are best friends and up until a few weeks ago when he became manic he has always been there and looked out for me. I feel like distancing myself from him when he honestly needs me the most is so unfair. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know if he'll get help or what he's going to do but right now I just need my space from him. My manager says that if he gets stable on his meds he can come back because there has never been an issue with him. But guys I honestly don't want him back here, not right now. Even when he is stable the alcohol abuse issues are still there. He just don't act out like he is now being that he's manic. I just think we both could use some time apart. We both became enablers for one another.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

Adrian80

I just got off the phone with my manager because we all know when he gets out 9 times out 10 he's going to show up here. We're all worried how he'll act or if he'll cause any disturbances. He said it was up to me if I wanted to let him stay for the night until we could get him in the hospital but honestly y'all I don't think I'm going to let him in. It rips my heart apart and I feel so guilty but I don't feel comfortable around him with him being in the state of mind that he is in and I know him. His first priority when he gets out is going to be getting beer and cigarettes and the beer only makes his mania 10x worse and I'm just tired.

AnvilheadII

wasn't it the manager that intervened and assured your EX was not charged, not held on any charges, but let free??? and NOW he's worried what the EX will do when released?? does anybody see the insanity there or is it just me?

dandylion

Adrian....I don't know, for sure, where you live...but, here (Virginia), the police will take a person to the emergency room---rather than jail--if they are "acting up"...AND they are informed that the person is manic depressive and off their meds.....

dandylion

Adrian80

I actually did that last week. I had them to take him last Monday and they kept him until Thursday. It honestly was a waste of time. The only thing that I can say came out of it was them changing his diagnosis. He was diagnosed with one thing 6 years ago but the medicine didn't fix the main issue because he was misdiagnosed. He never spoke to anyone about his main symptoms because he don't believe it's part of his illness, he thinks it's real. Despite what I told them they still believed his story which was that he was simply sleep deprived because he drank a lot of coffee to stay alert for his demanding job and come nighttime he can't sleep because of the caffeine. So they gave him an antidepressant that is mainly used for insomnia and sent him on his way. You can tell a difference in his mood the next morning after he's taken it the night before but the kicker is getting him to take it. Plus as the day goes on it wears off and the mania starts to become evident and then here comes the alcohol.

I've been telling him for weeks even before the full blown mania set in that the drinking had become too much and that I couldn't continue to live that way but he would only get defensive. He actually told me a couple of weeks ago that I could handle it I just didn't want too but I can't.

Adrian80

He mainly did the ban hopping that if he did that and he didn't have anywhere to go that would push him to seek help but he didn't. He really didn't stay away and basically drove around three days straight binge drinking without any sleep and very little food. Finally Monday night he became so hungry that he checked himself in the hospital. They feed him and medicated him but the next morning he told that same sleep deprived story and they turned him loose only for the madness to ensue. My manager is being the way he is because he knows he is sick. Even with him being an alcoholic he didn't cause any issues with other tenants because he rarely leave the apartment when he's drinking unless it's to get more beer. He is at least to others a very nice peaceful guy who gets along with and is liked mostly by everyone who knows him. He was actually a tenant here before I moved here and up until recently was a model tenant so that's the reason he's trying to help.

Carol Star

Oh boy a hard one if he is bp and won't take his meds- !- he is "self-medicating" to feel normal- way beyond just an "a" problem -he has a brain disorder he needs bp meds. I wonder did the hospital know he was bp..... ?

Adrian80

Yes they know. The last time he got sick he checked himself in which was about 2 1/2 years ago. He has now been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder as opposed to bipolar disorder.

Adrian80

Update: My manager got the papers to send him back to a different hospital and we did. He convinced them he was ok. They prescribed sleeping pills and let him go a few hours later. He showed up back here with papers claiming he was "sane" and my manager let him back in. Told him to just tone down the drinking and stay to himself. What is he doing right now? Drinking. I'm so disgusted I don't know what to do. He makes me sick. I can't stand the look at him. He got upset with me because as usual he thought he would just come back and things would resume like normal but not this time. He got upset last night because I wouldn't cuddle or have sex. I'm done with him this time for good. I wish he would just leave. I don't want the same drama to go on that has been going on for the past couple of weeks but I'm sure it will. Only bright side of that is that he will probably be ban for good this time. I don't get it. He spent a couple of nights in jail. A couple of more nights in the summer heat on a bench, no car because it has been impounded and I am pretty sure no job and he act like he has been on vacation. I let him know that I could on no longer do this and that I was trying to move forward in a direction that I wanted to go alone but I don't think he believes it. I guess I'll have to show him.

AnvilheadII

I wish he would just leave

but YOU let him back IN! that was a choice you made. regardless of what the manager thinks - if he is that altruisic send the ABF to stay with him.

how is he getting alcohol into your home?

LexieCat

Yeah, the lease is in your name, and his behavior has already risked causing YOU to get kicked out. I'd get the manager on your side and have HIM tell him he's got to go. You DO have a say in all this, you know.

Adrian80

A lot of times he go and buy it and then goes to a neighbors to drink it.

AnvilheadII

same guy who was texting about no food?

adrian, the point is here hon....you ALLOWED him to come back in and stay with YOU. right back where you started. all that "effort" that you and the manager put forth amounted to exactly......nothing. except to leave you frustrated and exhausted.

buy him a six pack, put it on the porch and when he goes out to get it, LOCK THE DOOR. you don't have to keep playing this game..........

dandylion

Adrian....you are dealing with legitimate mental illness complicated by alcohol.

An extremely difficult situation....that you and the manager are not equipped to deal with....Undoubtedly, other institutions will have to get involved...more than they have....to contain him.
Sadly, he needs treatment and confinement until he can be more stabilized.....
I wish there was more help readily available for situation such as this!!!!

My heart goes out to you, Adrian.....

dandylion