Wells

I just read it through as well. So much wonderful sentiment here and great expressions of the voids we feel to lose the one we love to alcohol.

Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes or booster shots to take these feelings away, but I know that they are normal and I think it's oddly comforting to see that others who have lost their loves to alcohol -- but know it had to be done, that cord needed cut -- have similar feelings of emptiness like I have felt over the past month.

I don't have any answers, just similar feelings of longing for normalcy, though I will say that keeping busy has helped and I always have plenty to do. But when they creep into your head, it can sometimes be a bit counter-productive to having a happy, wonderful day. I have good days, I have bad days. I have helped myself through the tougher times when I remind myself the reasons I am here, and of the negative experiences associated with living with an active A that so many of you expressed so well above -- The all-day sleeps after a prior day of drinking, the accusations of being the problem, the constant fear of tipping over their apple cart. These are the things I don't miss, but it also doesn't make you NOT miss sharing a bed, the comfort of another being there, sharing a meal, sharing a movie, sharing a trip to the store...Let's fact it, if 100% of our time with our ex's was miserable, would we have lasted as long as we did?

I think we just all realized, we deserved a lot more than 50% or less of a person for the good times, and that's why we had to let go. But we still miss that percentage we had when it WAS good.

teatreeoil007

Butterfly, I know you miss him; parts of him and you miss "it", the good you had together...but you know what? You are SOOOooooo not missing out on all the gunk and drama and pain you had because of him!

You are NOT missing on all the fun exciting things "everyone else is doing" ...and there are a lot of people who feel lonely and compare themselves to others thinking everyone else is having all the fun and you are left out...well, it may feel that way right now, honey, but you are really aren't missing out.

You are having a wonderful ADVENTURE going on in your life right now as you heal. Healing isn't always fun, but the PROCESS can be quite an adventure and as you continue on this JOURNEY just try to think in a positive way about the things you will eventually have come into you life so you don't feel so lonely.

Try to remember how ALONE you felt at times when he was right with you but not really being PRESENT for you in good fulfilling ways.

Maybe you just need someone to talk to and that's okay. We're here and you can 'talk' to us, We are your friends and understand a lot of what you're going through.

Hang in there....

LexieCat

Hey, folks, if you haven't done so, please check out Butterfly's latest thread.

She's doing GREAT.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-im-meant.html

Adrian80

I know how you guys feel. I miss my AEx but I know that this will pass and I know that removing him from my life is best although I have a long scary uncertain road ahead of me and honestly what I feel now is honestly not as bad as I felt when I was with him.

Butterfly

Thanks guys for your kind words. You are not alone in feeling this way and at times may experience these feelings again and again. At the minute I'm doing good and I'm enjoying this stage of my recovery. For me I think that I almost take a few steps back or feel I am before I'm about to enter a new stage of recovery. I get low and think about things too much but I can also realise a lot too, my heads gets so messed up with figuring things out but then the fog clears.

Keep focusing on you and hugs to all of you, yes there are not so good days but they will never be as bad as living with my stbxah. Enjoy the good days and be gentle with yourself on the not so good (((((hugs)))))

qtpi

it has been two months since I left and some of the pain has washed away and I remember the good parts. I have been writing down the bad parts in case I weaken and want to go back- I admit to feeling vulnerable. But I know I am better off now- and it feels good not to be on guard all the time and not to be dancing to his tune. I understand the loneliness and at times when I was with him, it was good and I did not feel lonely like I do now. But I just can't go back to living with an alcoholic. My feelings are confusing, and I keep hoping I don't cave.

Butterfly

qtpi You are out 2 months it's natural that you will feel confused I imagine your feelings are all over the place. Be gentle with yourself and practice lots of self care.

It's ok to care I still care I wouldn't want anything to happen to my stbxah but I've practised really hard letting go and not thinking about what he is up to if he's still drinking or not, that's his monkey and it's not my circus. Focus on you it does get easier ((((hugs))))