LucyGoosey

I haven't posted in a long while but I still read and learn a lot from others' posts.This place was a lifeline when things were bad ( I used to have the name Catherine628)

Anyway this is completely off topic. My birthday was earlier this week. This has been an extremely difficult year for me with my husband passing away, new job, new schools for my kids, no family nearby, etc. My team at work celebrates birthdays either with lunch or dessert depending on what the birthday person wants. It appears my birthday was overlooked.

I tend to make excuses like everyone is busy with wrapping up the school year, there is a lot going on...and so on. But I do feel hurt. I started this job in August and I teach kids in a self contained room so I rarely get out of my room. The nature of my job keeps me pretty isolated dealing with behaviors, etc. Having my birthday unacknowledged makes me want to isolate even more, if that's even possible.

I feel like a big baby that this even bothers me. Would you say anything? If they had asked what I wanted in terms of a celebration I would have told them not to make a fuss.

I feel ridiculous and I know that my feelings of sadness, loneliness and even a bit of anger over this is tied to all the crap I went through with my husband's drinking/death and how it makes you feel so alone.

I can't decide if I need to pull up my big girl panties and get on with it or if it's ok to be upset.

Thanks for reading.

biminiblue

Hm. Well, do you think someone somewhere purposely said, "Let's NOT celebrate for Lucy. Everyone else, sure. Let's ignore HER." ?

Of course not. If it were me, I'd probably wait a couple weeks or until I was no longer upset about it and then ask whoever is in charge of the birthday list to add me to the list. This is the first time you've been there when it is your birthday, and as the person who used to do this I can attest to the fact that people come and go and keeping track of all this can lead to mistakes. I'm sure she/he is going to feel awful when she realizes her mistake. The ball could have gotten dropped in any number of ways.

You didn't want a party anyway, right? It was an innocent mistake.

((hugs)) and ...

LucyGoosey

Of course it wasn't done on purpose. I know it was an oversight.

I'm just too embarrassed to say anything about it. "Hey guys can I get a cake over here?"

I know it shouldn't be a big deal. I don't understand why it bothers me. This trivial thing when the last 4 years were an indescribable h*ll.

biminiblue

I know I was really sensitive when I lost all my family, my job, my boyfriend, and my best friend in a short period of time, too. Oh, and my cat! Oh, then I got diagnosed with a serious chronic illness when I had no job nor insurance. It was not a happy time. All within three/four years. So I get that it's confusing and it seems like any minor slight is excruciating. Like, "Don't they know I really neeeeeeed their love right now?????????" I had the same feelings.

Someone told me my "spirit was bigger than my body." I don't know exactly what she meant by that, but then again I do. It's almost PTSD-like symptoms. Hyper-vigilant and super touchy. Have you tried any grief counseling or any groups? There are many grief self-help groups tied to churches or hospitals. It just takes a lot of self-care and acceptance to get past these multiple traumas.

Why don't you buy your favorite cake/dessert and take it to work? (Nah, I wouldn't do that - I'd just eat it at home by myself )

Just know that you're okay, and any heightened emotions are pretty normal with all the changes you've had. You're going to be okay.

LucyGoosey

Thanks Bimini. I think that's what it is.. feeling so sensitive right now. I haven't really dealt with the death. I just kept super busy and now summer and not having my work to keep me busy is looming right around the corner.

First on my to-do list is find a new counselor. Mine retired a while back.

I tried 1 grief group. The facilitator asked me to dinner and it didn't feel right. At first I thought it was meant to be a group dinner. I stopped going after that.

My kids go to a group and the adults meet too. We just started at a new location and I haven't opened up to anyone there. Embarrassment seems to be a big thing for me. Most lost someone to cancer. The addiction and all the behaviors that went with it just seem so shameful. My kids do benefit though.

I hate that these little things trip me up. I guess this is what they mean by triggers.

dandylion

Lucy....you ask if it is " o.k. to feel upset".......
My answer is---Yes. All feelings are real and valid to the person who feels them. Our feelings bel
ong to us..we own them...and they are as real as real....
Feelings don't need (or shouldn't) be subjected to a group vote for approval or not....
Now....how an individual handles their feelings is another topic...lol....

I think you have suffered a lot of loss during the recent past......
My heart goes out to you...

dandylion

I think it is human to feel hurt when they have been slighted in some way if it is from those that are significant in their life....and, a work group fits that category in most peoples' lives.

hopeful4

It sounds to me like you need to be surrounded with friends and love right now.

So...why not set up a friend night with some of them? I am getting ready to get some girls together to do a paint night I think. I have also found that I don't hide my feelings anymore. When I need to reach out to a friend, I say to them, I am struggling, can you hang out with me. So many times, we need to put our foot forward and make that step because people don't want to be akward. Open yourself up.

I am sorry they overlooked your Bday and I can completely see how that would be lonely. However, you are not alone. Reach out to a friend, and report back, so we know you did it!

Many, many hugs!