Not a big surprise

Old 05-20-2016, 07:54 PM
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Not a big surprise

He got ANOTHER dui last weekend. Even though separated, he called me, because he said he has no one else.

It was really hard, I said nope and they took him to jail.

The situation is not a surprise, but it breaks my heart just the same. This disease takes and takes and takes.
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Old 05-20-2016, 07:59 PM
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You did the right thing. Let him figure it out-his mess and all. Hugs-I'm sure it's not easy.
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Old 05-20-2016, 08:01 PM
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OH, Flavia.....I appreciate how hard it is to say no. I have had to do it!!
In the bigger picture, you did the right thing.
No alcoholic benefits when anyone offers them a soft (softer) cushion for the natural consequences of their drinking......
In my opinion, your refusal to rescue him is actually an expression of caring ...as well as your own self-care.
Good for you in doing the hard thing.....

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Old 05-20-2016, 08:03 PM
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Sending warm hugs. I'm sorry.
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Old 05-20-2016, 08:11 PM
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It is truly heartbreaking. So so sad.

If you pray, pray hard. And a big hug to you.
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Old 05-20-2016, 09:05 PM
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Very sad, but good for you for staying out of his way. Hopefully his higher power is sending him a message.
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Old 05-20-2016, 11:31 PM
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It is kind of funny how they continue to think that we will bail them out... My XABF said this to me the other day... "you would come and get me if I got arrested." I said, "Ummm.... No, I wouldn't." He's like, "you know I would get fired if I had to call in to work from jail." I said, "I don't know if you would or not, but it is not my problem." This really pissed him off. He was like, "I thought we were still going to be friends??" I said, "we are. And as a good friend, I would let you deal with the reality and consequences of your decisions."

Agh.... I can't wait to get out of here!!!! 10 more days!
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Old 05-21-2016, 01:08 AM
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Well done Flavia, especially as it went against your instincts. If he drinks and drives repeatedly it's better for him to have the full consequences. He could hurt someone.
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Old 05-21-2016, 04:34 AM
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Thanks, everyone. This site helps me so much -- I'm on every day reading, even if i don't post.

This is a blessing in the way that he has to be off the roads before he hurts someone. I pray everyday for God to help him and maybe now he will seek the help he needs.

Dandylion - I never thought of it like that, but I think you're right about saying no is an expression of how much i care about him. Thank you!
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Old 05-21-2016, 08:37 AM
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My XABF says going to jail saved his life. Although he wound up in jail for 3 years. At least, in jail, they are not hurting themselves or others.

Big hug to you Flavia. Do something extra nice for yourself to celebrate that "No.".
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Old 05-23-2016, 06:31 AM
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Good for you.

When you take away the consequences of their actions, you take away the chance that they may learn anything from it. You did the right thing.

Hugs.
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Old 05-23-2016, 08:23 AM
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^ yes!!! That's why enabling is so harmful for an addict-it takes away any chance they will learn!
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