Erod

I can't thank you all enough for your kind words. what I love about you all is the compassion. I love my dear Mom with all my heart (Ie: she went to al anon for me 26 years ago but doesn't go anymore) I've been calling her for help but as much as I love her she JUMPS so high on the Al-anon Wagon I end up feeling worse. don't forget she Went to al-anon 'first' so she knows ""more"". BUT what she doesn't remember is I am recovering alcoholic so I do understand what he's going through but it's still painful to hear someone say I love you one minute and I'm never living with you again, then I love you then Remember lets take this ODAT. . As a mom she loves to preach al-anon more then give me hugs. I love when Aris Said I have a right to be furious. When ever I talk with Mom I sometimes say politely Mom this isn't about al-anon it's a daughter needing a hug. Then I get the response " Well I'm trying to help you understand what's he's going through". (hell I KNOW I went through it 26 years ago) I'm so grateful I came here. the HUGS were all I needed. call it a pity pot call it what you will, compassion is what I was seeking and you ALLL have been so sweet and kind. that group hug is for all that came to my rescue When that's all I really needed. Sometimes staying strong is so hard and we just want to let our hair down a bit and cry. another one for all.

dandylion

Erod...I think that your mother forgets that you might be grieving and she forgets what a broken heart feels like....
I think that what you are really asking your mother is for "validation" of your feelings....
maybe, don't talk to her about the details of this,....(yoou don't have to be mean).....
Around here, we often say it is like going to the hardwear store for fresh baked bread.....

LOL...if I had know that the group hug was ALL that you wanted..I could have savedmyself a lot of typing!

dandylion

Erod

LMBO. Dandy.... of course I just didn't want a hug. lol al that was 'typed; lol was taken in and processed. I'm never mean to my Mom and our relationship is Better than it's ever been and she's so proud of all I've accomplished in the 26years. A stable job. I bought my own home etc.... Thanks. Next time I'll just ASK for a HUG. lol to save you from cobble tunnel. lol

CodeJob

Erod,

When I was in this point, I had a bookmark of the Serenity Prayer. Every time my mind started spinning into the what ifs and hows and whys and then the deep sea of resentments, I just read that prayer. I knew it by heart, but reading it truncated the mind spinning. I might make it another 15 minutes, and then I'd read it again.

When I went for walks/runs, I would say the key words of the prayer with every step so my brain would not start freaking out on me.

I also used you tube videos to help me fall asleep at night. There are some that run for 9 hours or so! I also read Codependent No More during my train commute and before bed at night. Invest a few minutes a day to get through one of your codependent books lying around your house.

You have clearly some life problems going on because you invested too much of YOU in him. Pull back a little on Mr. Pink Cloud and his whims. At this moment, you can't help him. He needs to find his own way. You need to invest some time in yourself - the only thing that YOU can truly impact.

Figure out a plan to get through whatever semester you are in. Figure out a plan to organize the yard sale and CL clutter. It sounds like you've let it take over your living space? It sounds like you are stressed out about the house in a variety of ways. Consider if a roommate who actually pays their way or selling your house is what really needs to happen if you can't afford the house.

You might need to cut some losses temporarily to gain some peace of mind. I'm confident you can do this once you focus on yourself. You are worth the time investment. Make decisions based on lessening your stress!

Erod

I truly love hearing from everyone but lol I will not sell my house. It was sober goal from the day I was in treatment (26yag) Now that I'm not paying bills for TWO people I can get back on my feet with stuff I have in my attic and cellar. Where's there's a will there's a way and I'll get back on my feet somehow. Of course now that he's riding his cloud I am getting better with each day. (Because of all of you and even things my Mom said,... lol helped. I know the past is in the past and any money he receives from the state he's in I can almost Gaurentee he'll keep. I know just the way he's talking he's looking at the Government for a FREE ride again. Lets hope things settle down and he'll want a REAL life. One with taking responsabily of himself. I really don't agree with the government at times when they are suppose to be helping Helping these Veterans gat and hopefully stay sober and you hand them money every month. Not good in my eyes.

Bekindalways

Interesting thought on the veterans. I understand your RABF is a vet? I just learn over and over that being helpful is complicated.

Keep hanging tough Erod. I so so hope the pain and grief will lighten up a bit soon but it may take some time to get there.

Erod

Well I CAN and WILL (lol) tell you I'm in MUCH better space today. We spoke this evening and he was all over the board again about his life and what he was going to do with it. I took nothing he said to heart and didn't shed a tear. The more I hear him speak the more I realize ( of course he can't see it, been there done that) What a hard time he's going through. Now he' talking about going to another rehab..... and I can tell he's dying for me to say something negative about anything at this point so he can lash out at me. He's yet to be able to talk to me as a recovering alcoholic myself. He just won't do that because I'm sure he may feel less than. So I know he has a very long way to go. My heart actually went out to him tonight and I've been able to refocus on keeping me sane and happy. I can say I NEED to come here more often and give back where ever I can because I really feel the warmth here. Reminds me when I first got sober. Thank you all again.

dandylion

Erod...it does sound like detaching and not engaging with him in his dialogs is beneficial to you.....

dandylion

Erod

I feel like I'm back on my Feet, I just didn't realize ho cruel he was going to be last week and he took the wind right out of my sails. Now I listen and think before I speak. I act and not react. it took a bit for me to get into al-anon mode again but I think my head is getting close again. Him not physically being here made it all sound and feel so much worse.

Bekindalways

Gosh that is great to hear Erod! You sound way better.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other doing whatever you can to make your life keep ticking.

Erod

Thanks a bunch.

Bekindalways

Erod, are you still selling stuff on CL? In a way this sounds like it could be therapeutic, a kind of detaching/letting go of stuff. Besides, uncluttering your house and bringing in a few bucks.

I hope you are still experiencing an emotional upswing! Cheers

Erod

So far so good. Been in the cellar all day. He was high on the roller coaster today. The rehab took them to baseball game and they had a cookout. Even told me his feeling about that He feels alive. I was happy for him and gave him incouragment saying One other gifts of sobriety feeling happy when you have Fun. He still has no idea I'm working so hard at this but we all know the work is for me not really him. I just keep praying that in the end this is all works for him and I, but I try and stay and in the moment and prayer a lot to my higher power and put things in his hands. Thanks so much Be kin always.