amy55

I am also dealing with my cousin. I posted about him previously on the substance abuse forum. He was a heroin addict, that went on the meth maintenance program, and was on that for 22 years and quit cold turkey Nov 2014.

He contacted me on 3/18/2016, because he was stopped while driving with no license, no registration, no insurance. He lives in SC, out in the sticks, and the cops knew his truck, so he had no transportation. He lives 25 miles from town, and he purchased a tracphone to call me.

He has no license, no credit cards, no bank accts, no hot water, no cable, no internet. He had some money still at home, but he couldn't do anything with it, because he couldn't drive to get into town.

I helped him get a moped, which after he opened a bank acct, he did repay me for that. I am paying for a prepaid phone for him for $30.00 a month, so he can talk to me and so that employment agencies can call him on that.

I've been talking to him 2 to 3 hours a day for the last month and a half. Today it was an 8 hour phone call.

It was me helping him with how to complete a job application. I'm still brain dead over that.

He then started to ask me about cursive writing. He asked me if I could find the alphabet in cursive writing so that he could study that, because he didn't know this stuff, which I did.

I think that just blew my mind today. It did explain a lot about why it would take me about 6 hours to help him fill out an application for employment that consisted of about 10 easy questions, it just amazed me that he did go to school in NJ, and didn't know how to write.

He has no problem reading printed letters, he can't read cursive writing, he can only sign his name like that.

I know this stuff doesn't belong here, I just don't know where else to leave this stuff.

I told him that printing on the application is acceptable, and usually preferred because cursive writing is sometimes hard to read.

I just felt brain dead today. It felt like I was trying to teach a 4 yr old something over the phone, instead of doing it visually.

Actually this isn't even a vent. I just couldn't believe things I was hearing today. From talking to my cousin, he is very intelligent, he just can't read or write in cursive, and he is totally embarrassed about that.

He needed to get his fathers death certificate, and he asked me if I could write the letter. I just thought he didn't know how to word things for it.

So, other then my daughter, this is what I am doing the rest of my time. Today it just really took a toll on me.

amy


PS - If after reading the posts about my daughter, it is understandable if you think I am "nuts". If I was reading this I would think I was crazy, or even attention seeking myself. But this is my life.

Bekindalways

Wow Amy. How far did he go in school? Perhaps there is a literacy program he could get into.

amy55

He went to a Catholic grammar school. The nun there hit him many times, he refused to learn. Was transferred to 2 other grammar schools, then he was too old to be there, they sent him to HS, where he was able to smoke cigarettes in the classroom, and everything was OK. He quit at age 16.

I think he was asking me all these things, because he wants to try to get his GED. But he was asking me about nouns, pronouns, adjectives, verbs, when to use commas, ummm, I started feeling like I was an English teacher, and I wasn't good at this stuff.

amy

AdelineRose

I will once again repeat you are the absolute most caring and supportive around with the patience of a saint!

I like to think if a family member needed my help I would help them for 8 hours, but I am not sure if I would be willing to go over a simple application of a few questions and then talk about cursive writing for that long.

I went to elementary school, high school, and college in NJ and I really do not understand how the system failed him so badly. I went to public school, but still that is basics..

amy55

AdelineRose, I really need to say this, you are really good people. I did read some of your background and I must say, I think you are terrific. You also get another plus from me for being from NJ. I'm from NJ.

With my cousin, they just wanted to push him through until they could get him out of the school. So, I guess now I could see that, but I didn't believe that till today.

amy

dandylion

amy.....I am pretty sure that this may be a bunch of overkill, on my part.....because, I am pretty sure that you already have all of this covered.....but, I thought I would mention it...just in case.....

I found a lot of cursive writing workbooks for beginners.....and, some with jokes and riddles and puzzles, etc......and, they are pretty cheap....like, less than the postage, in some cases......on Amazon.com......
As well, of course, there are some beginning grammar workbooks......
I thought that these m ight make a p erfect "gift" for him......

also, I literally stumbled over this---"The PTSD Workbook"....techniques for overcoming traumatic stress symptoms.....I didn't know that there was so much published as self-help workbooks!
My immediate thought was about this forum where there are so many who have these stress symptoms and frequently ask for tips to h elp.......
Again, they are quite affordable, even with the postage .....especially if one orders the used paperback copies.....

Your cousin sounds like he may have motivation to increase h is skills and improving h is situation.....lol....I think that motivation is the hot commodity!
I know that it is priceless, what a little help can do to catapult a person who has some motivation...and, if they are intelligent, as your cousin, obviously, is......
So often, it is just an individual who fell through the cracks as one time....or just didn't get the right hekp at the right time..... nothing more than that....

While, It m ust be very exhausting to try to do these things over the phone....it must, also, give you a sense of accomplishment and gratification to be able to help a person in such a significant way!
(lol....a part of the "village")......

Again, please ignore me if I am preaching to the choir.....

dandylion

Refiner

God bless you both! Him for wanting to apply himself finally and you for helping him do so!

hopeful4

Most places have study programs and free programs to help you get prepared to take the GED. It sounds like he has a learning disability that no one ever bothered to diagnose would be my guess. There is also a program in my state called Vocational Rehabilitation that will test you for a learning disability and will help place you in jobs if you do have one. He may want to research if there is anything similar there where he lives. I would work on pointing him to the right resources so you can turn him over to them for help instead of you doing all of this. That is just my .02 of what I would do myself.

Hugs Amy. You have a lot on your plate.

tomsteve

you sure are caring!
imo, its ok to say something like,"im glad your getting your life in order and im willing to help, but i have to stop at this time today."

gotta remember to take care of you,amy.

youre not nuts,amy.

maybe you could hook him up with something online for him to learn cursive?


myself i would use people to get out of things i was responsable for as long as they allowed it.

amy55

Thanks for reading this and also for the encouragement and help.

I did check out Amazon for cursive writing. I think I will buy 2 for him. One for how to form the letters, then he was asking how to join and upper case letter with a lower case letter. I told him that wasn't really necessary to do, but he wants to do it the right way. Then I'll also pick up a practice pad for him.

As soon as he gets a job he needs to have his computer hooked up again. We have been researching this, and he thinks he can get a hook up for $14.99 per month. I would love to just do this for him, but I would prefer that he had a job first.

He does know a place that he can take his GED, I've been trying to push him to just take it, but he wants to be able to write first. Hey, if he can get a job without the GED, then I don't care, he can take it later.

He tells me the closest town to him is 25 miles away, and it's a small town, and doesn't have Vocational Tech there. I'm going to research that.

He also has to take care of a lot of tickets before he can get a drivers license, right now he could only get a moped license. The tickets date back 28 years. Of course, they're all the good ones, the ones that have surcharges with them. No DUI's, just for no license, no registration, no insurance. (lol) All the tickets are from NY and NJ, that's why he moved to SC. When he moved to SC his tickets weren't on a national data base, now they are. So he has to take care of all of that also.

He's not that young anymore. He's 51. He needs to deal with all these issues.

He also owes a $5000 credit card bill plus accumulated interest from about 5 years ago. Trying to talk him into filing for bankruptcy for that.

I don't know of anyone else who has messed their life up this much.

If he wasn't trying so hard now, I would have no patience for this.

So far today, no phone call from him, so I am hoping that means he went to apply for the job. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Thanks
amy

SolidKarma

For what it's worth, I no longer remember how to write perfectly in cursive, and I have a BS in Biology, and am in a PhD program right now. Cursive is dead.

hopeful4

Here where I live they have discontinued teaching cursive writing in the public schools. My DD's went to private school where they still require you to learn it, and I must say, they both have beautiful writing and I am glad they know it.
He should definitely not be worried about printing, that is completely acceptable.

amy55

I did try to tell him this. I told him that there are some upper case cursive that I don't like, like the "Q and F", and that I just print those letters. He didn't like that answer. (lol)

amy55

Hopeful, I tried everything to talk him out of this. I told him on job applications that they want you to print on there, because sometimes it's difficult to read someones writing.

I'm going to send him the workbooks, if this helps him with his self esteem, all the better. He doesn't have anything else better to do at night with no tv, and no computer.

amy

hopeful4

You are right Amy, he could be doing a lot worse things LOL.

It's worth it for him to travel to a Voc Rehab program if he can find one as he should not have to go too many times. Here their big focus is on the blind, but what many don't know is they help anyone with a disability, including learning disabilities.

amy55

I just checked out the Voc Rehab. It's 45 mins by car. His moped only goes 35mph top speed. So he won't go for that.

I also checked out adult education. That one is doable. It would be about a 40 min drive.

I'm going to wait to see if he was hired today, before suggesting this.

Thanks,
amy

Refiner

Is there a reason he lives so far out from a city with no running water, electricity, or toilet? Seems to me he would be doing better to live in a shelter that has those emenities and resources to help him get back on his feet since he sounds willing. Am I missing something?

amy55

He owns a mobile home. It's out there near a State Park, in the middle of nowhere. He didn't want to live around people. He's been there since 1992. He has running water, just no hot water heater. It broke, and he couldn't afford to replace it. He can't sell the property that it's on because it's in his fathers name, and his father died in 1997. That was why he asked me for help to get his fathers death certificate. His father didn't leave a will, and that stuff was never taken care of back then.

Thanks for letting me clarify that. It's just another problem that he has, that needs to be taken care of.

amy

Refiner

Oh, ok. I sure hope he gets it figured out and can get on with his life in a better way.

Kboys

Oh my goodness... Amy, you are amazing. (((((Hugs))))) to you.
I'm pretty patient, but I don't think I could have lasted 8 hours!

My last name starts with G. After I got married, I practiced and practiced my cursive G to get my signature right, and I could just never get it, so my signature is a regular G.... and actually, come to think of it, my maiden name starts with an A, and I never signed with a cursive A, either

and yeah, F's and Q's... forget about it

Take care, Amy!!!!