Custody appeal next week....so nervous need prayers!

Old 04-28-2016, 07:15 PM
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^BB-I think you're doing great....beyond great.
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Old 05-02-2016, 09:05 AM
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update number 2

Thanks again for all your prayers and well wishes.

Court was continued another 4 MONTHS. I am so upset. I feel like this will never end. This is the third continuance and now he has an attorney, which will make it much harder for me to gain sole custody. Because as of now, I still have to keep her out of school because he keeps showing up, even did so this past friday! So nothing got resolved.

I have court again friday and the following monday for his protective order violations. Praying those go well.
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Old 05-02-2016, 09:43 AM
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Yes it is going to help him most especially from him having diarrhea of the mouth in Court.

But, it doesn't negate that he has repeatedly violated Orders. I know this is incredibly frustrating for you - to me I see 4 more months as 4 more months of no visitation YAY, and 4 more months for him to demonstrate his obvious inability or desire to respect the Judge, respect the system, or admit he has major issues.

I imagine his attorney has given him a list of things to do to get back into good graces by the time Court comes around. If a Judge can't manage to get him to do that I really am not expecting his attorney to manage it.


Let us know how the upcoming hearings go. Take a deep breath, relax, and go with the flow because there is nothing else to do BUT wait. I feel you will get positive reinforcement from the upcoming hearings.
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Old 05-02-2016, 09:48 AM
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Thank you redatlana! I agree, and that is what my attorney and the victim witness advocates have been telling me. I am going to savor these precious moments with my babygirl knowing she is safe and try to take it one day at a time. My anxiety and PTSD are just really annoying voices in the back of my mind that are telling me its not going to be ok, and im trying to fight that!
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:21 AM
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update number 3

The county dropped the charges against him illegally visiting my daughter. Even though shes on a no contact protective order. Why? I couldn't tell you. I just found this out 3 days before court when these charges were filed 3 weeks ago and the DA told me she had checked the statutes and we were good to go.
Spent 3 hours crying yesterday. He just gets away with everything.
Congratulations dude, you got your continuance, 4 months to get your new lawyer up to date, and your charges dropped. Looks like were back to square one.
I'm tired, i dont understand the point of having a PO if I cant use it.
DAs response was she didnt feel like she could win it, so she didnt want to try. Is that how you live your whole life? Because thats not how I live mine.
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:30 AM
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I'm so sorry, bluebird. That's really discouraging.

I am embarrassed for the prosecutor. Too many have that mindset--it's one we are working to train out of them. With a case like this, it's better to prosecute and lose than not try to hold the offender accountable.

That doesn't help you, though. All I can say is to keep documenting and reporting violations. Establishing a pattern can help for future cases.

I'm so sorry, though. It's discouraging.

Sending you a big hug.
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:33 AM
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I too am sending a huge hug BB! I cannot even imagine your frustration. Keep on for today. I know it's hard, but one moment at a time friend.

Tight hugs.
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:37 AM
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Tight hugs....he may have gotten away with this one, but God has a funny way of working things out for the good. Keep the faith - he will be held accountable in the future, he will!!

Hugs, friend.
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:39 AM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
I'm so sorry, bluebird. That's really discouraging.

I am embarrassed for the prosecutor. Too many have that mindset--it's one we are working to train out of them. With a case like this, it's better to prosecute and lose than not try to hold the offender accountable.

That doesn't help you, though. All I can say is to keep documenting and reporting violations. Establishing a pattern can help for future cases.

I'm so sorry, though. It's discouraging.

Sending you a big hug.
We still have a charge in the city--with a VERY aggressive prosecutor (they separate city and county where i am)--but its weak and i dont think it will hold. This has me totally discouraged from reporting because now i feel like this is going to make me look like a vindictive b**** at our custody hearing.

The stupidest part about this is we had a plea deal into him that he hadnt turned down yet and she dropped the charge before even hearing back. W.T.F.
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:52 AM
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On another note I got home yesterday and I was so angry I found this swarovski bear giving another bear a heart thing he had given me for valentines day one year. For some reason, i kept it, thought maybe ill give it to my daughter one day. I smashed it, and what was left was one of the bears intact holding its arms out into nothing and I thought to myself....how accurate.
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:54 AM
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Sometimes you just have to get the anger out, I completely get it.
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Old 05-05-2016, 06:56 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
Sometimes you just have to get the anger out, I completely get it.
thank you. i feel like such a whiny baby on here. sad, depressing woe is me type of crap. I am trying so hard to surrender to this, to let go and let god. but its just not working right now.
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Old 05-05-2016, 07:00 AM
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It's the hardest thing to do, I know it is. You are not whiny at all! You are going through serious things, this board is here to support you, encourage you, and listen to you. Please don't ever hesitate to post when you need to reach out for any reason! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!
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Old 05-05-2016, 07:11 AM
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Thank you. I just dont understand. Whats gods plan here? I have done everything in my power to protect my daughter and I. I have bettered my life and supported her financially by myself most of her life. I went back to school to get my degree. I started a great career and got a house. I offered to pay for his rehab. I did the mediation. I asked him to stop his bad behavior. I begged his family for an intervention. I cut him slack when he said he was weak, I tried to support him.
He has abused and manipulated me for 4 years. How does this keep happening? When is karma going to kick in? When am I going to stop feeling like a victim and feeling like a survivor?
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Old 05-05-2016, 07:19 AM
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I wish I had the answers. I wish I could tell you for sure. But I do believe it will happen. You keep being the wonderful momma you are as God does have a plan.

Tight hugs.
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Old 05-05-2016, 08:06 AM
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It sometimes takes time for things to work their way out. It's not like we decide to do the right thing, and everything lines up nicely for us.

You ARE doing the right thing, and don't stop just because you aren't getting the results you want immediately. I TOTALLY understand your disgust and frustration. Those are valid feelings. But what we have to do is to work past them, because they can keep us stuck if we live there.

This is a roadblock, a pothole, not the end of the road. You will get through it. All I can say is that in many of the cases I handled as a prosecutor, these guys push and push, and the more untouchable they feel the more careless they get and sooner or later it does catch up with them. But it won't happen if you give up.

Take what comfort you can in knowing others have been through the same thing and eventually came out happy and whole on the other side. You can, too.
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Old 05-05-2016, 08:10 AM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
It sometimes takes time for things to work their way out. It's not like we decide to do the right thing, and everything lines up nicely for us.

You ARE doing the right thing, and don't stop just because you aren't getting the results you want immediately. I TOTALLY understand your disgust and frustration. Those are valid feelings. But what we have to do is to work past them, because they can keep us stuck if we live there.

This is a roadblock, a pothole, not the end of the road. You will get through it. All I can say is that in many of the cases I handled as a prosecutor, these guys push and push, and the more untouchable they feel the more careless they get and sooner or later it does catch up with them. But it won't happen if you give up.

Take what comfort you can in knowing others have been through the same thing and eventually came out happy and whole on the other side. You can, too.
Thanks, its definitely helpful to hear this from a prosecutor who has dealt with things like this. I dont want to give up. And certainly, I will never give up on my daughter. What concerns me now, is that I am being painted as a vindictive ex who is using the PO has a way to get a leg up on custody, which isnt true. So, if hes going to continue to get charges dropped or be not guilty, why risk it?
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Old 05-05-2016, 08:43 AM
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HE is trying to paint you as a "vindictive ex who is using the PO as a way to get a leg up on custody." That doesn't mean the court or anyone else will buy it. Courts see these situations all the time. Those situations DO exist, but there's nothing here to suggest that's the case in your situation. The order prohibits him from seeing her. He's going to her school in an effort to violate the order by seeing her. Even if the prosecutor thinks that's insufficient to prove a violation (which is HIGHLY doubtful), there's clearly a good-faith basis for your report.

So tune out what he's trying to do. You KNOW he will do that. You don't have to give him more power by letting his song-and-dance dictate what YOU will do.
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Old 05-06-2016, 04:50 PM
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update 3

Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
HE is trying to paint you as a "vindictive ex who is using the PO as a way to get a leg up on custody." That doesn't mean the court or anyone else will buy it. Courts see these situations all the time. Those situations DO exist, but there's nothing here to suggest that's the case in your situation. The order prohibits him from seeing her. He's going to her school in an effort to violate the order by seeing her. Even if the prosecutor thinks that's insufficient to prove a violation (which is HIGHLY doubtful), there's clearly a good-faith basis for your report.

So tune out what he's trying to do. You KNOW he will do that. You don't have to give him more power by letting his song-and-dance dictate what YOU will do.
We lost today. He was found not guilty. Although in the moment it was devastating, I had the officer who has been consistently working with me, the DA, victim witness and everyone surrounding me telling me that its ok, and not to give up. That we will bring him in front of a judge 100 times if he has to. The judge wrestled with it, and when given the opportunity to throw the case out he didn't do so, even though he didnt find him guilty, I could tell it was a borderline call. So its on to the next. Nothing has changed, my daughter is still with me, safe and happy at home. I may have lost this battle, but the war continues.
Yesterday I finally broke down, with the stress of everything and just cried hysterically, like I could barely breathe and hyperventilating blubbering mess type crying in my boyfriends arms. I couldn't even hold myself up. But releasing the emotion I had kept bottled inside helped a lot, and I realize that I do have so much support and love surrounding me and my family.
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Old 05-06-2016, 06:40 PM
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bb, thinking of you and the stressful song and dance you're being put through. I'm so glad you have supportive people behind you.

Although we're in different countries, the same crazy legal decisions make the struggle of partners protecting their children far more difficult than it should ever be, even when the evidence is clear cut. There is so much room for reform.
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