wanttobehealthy

That is my hope!

redatlanta

Don't worry that you said "Ok". Its ambiguous. Ok I will, or OK I won't. Your actions show you adhered to the plan, and went to the police station. Did you say you have a report stating that you were there and he no showed? Get one if not.

amy55

WTBH,

I must say that your confidence level seems so much better today. Good for you.

Terrific advice from your attorney. I also have a terrific attorney. My issues are different then yours, it had to do with a pension division and alimony. This would have been a little more difficult to have the judge approve a motion for contempt of court. My lawyer told me that since I do know how to do those computations, to just keep responding to things that the way he wanted it done was not according to the divorce decree, and to say it enough times (nicely), and save all the proof for her, so that if we needed to go to court that she would have a definite "win".

You are dealing with child support. Research arrears on child support, you will be surprised. Courts hate deadbeat dads. I would also have the information with you about the braces for your daughter.

I think you have done really well covering the visitation. "The court papers say that we exchange at the police station, I have no objection to this. "

The phone call ---- "My daughters have a cell phone so that he can call them, or they can call him. I do not want him calling my phone".

I do know how hard this is to change your automatic response to him. We needed to do that for so long, just for survival. You don't need to do that anymore. NO MORE "JADE". (justify, argue, defend, explain). From now on practice "BIFF" (brief, informative, facts, friendly) I know that "friendly" part really gets to me, but I just look at it as "formal", meaning do not use vulgarity.

Most of the states that I researched about child support state that if one payment is more then 15 days in arrears, you can be held in contempt of court. Research your state.

Knowledge = power.

You have that power, and once you start to exercise it, you're going to feel like a million bucks.

You are no longer living the life that you had with him, your life is so much better now.

Get that word "can't" out of your vocabulary. You can, and you will win this.

You have many friends in your corner for you. "You will do this, and you will win this.

I also like the idea of asking for your wages for that day. I think that fits right in with the indemnification clause in your divorce papers.

I do know that you don't like the idea of going to court, but, he brought this on himself, and you will find out that court can be your friend. It may or may not happen this time, (I think it will happen this time), but eventually he is really going to **** off that judge. Just need to give him enough rope to hang himself.

Again, wanted to just tell you that the difference in you from yesterday to today is remarkable. Keep going girl, you got this.

((((((hugs)))))
amy

wanttobehealthy

I do not have a report that I was there. The lobby is used for exchanges but the officers inside the glass will NOT verify if someone was there or not, UNLESS subpeonaed. I did however take a photo at the start and end of the times I was there for proof.

Ive been down this path with him a few times already.... So I have photos to show I was there...

FireSprite

I just have lots of love & ((((hugs))))) & MAD respect for you today, WTBH. So glad you are feeling better!

Don't beat yourself about backsliding & reacting - it happens to ALL of us. Our personal best changes every day & sometimes we are stronger & sometimes we break a little easier. It's OK. You learned a LOT about yourself already during this process/scare & from where I'm sitting as an observer, you are WINNING the long game here.

I remember just last week, reading about your DD & her friendship bench....... look at how far she's come in such a relatively short amount of time....... she's empowered by YOU, Mama, showing her how to be a Survivor & not a Victim. How does that saying go? When you find yourself in hell, the best thing to do is to just keep going!!

wanttobehealthy

Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words FireSprite!

Refiner

Man, you've GOT this! Stop doubting yourself and letting him get to you... you've absolutely GOT this! You are documenting EVERYTHING down to taking pictures like this bc of the way he operates! You KNOW he will say he never got that early January email from you. The judge is going to get sick and tired of his sh*t pretty darn quick! Just please try and keep your emotions out of it and if he doesn't adhere by either speaking through an attorney, then get a harrassment order on him. I think the family wizard thing is an excellent idea, too. Plus, that will really p*ss him off more since he know he can't reach you directly to do more damage to you, LOL. I can't wait until you get to court, show the judge what an @ss he's being, get the child support in arrears coming to you, and make him cover all court costs, including your lost wages, due to his frivolous filings... go for EVERYTHING you can - what's there to lose? If he tries to reach you directly, report it!

wanttobehealthy

I said no to the Family Wizard thing two years ago bc HIS lawyer said we should use it, I should enter all activities the kids have and that way xAH would have notification (vs having to write it down himself) of any changes to their schedule...

My lawyer at the time said that was unacceptable and was a way for him to monitor me all the more and that if I forgot to enter things in he could allege that I was keeping him from the kids...

So, the parenting plan is black and white and no wiggle room around schedules for that reason...

I was all for the family wizard plan but that lawyer (who I ultimately could not pay anymore and had to get rid of) made a good point...

Refiner

Oh, that makes sense then... I was only thinking about the not having to talk to him directly part of family wizard that could work. But if everything is written in black and white in the parenting plan, there's no need for you to talk directly... but what if you DO need to have a change of plans? Must you talk to him directly then? His lawyer won't always be the mediator I would think?