amy55

I wanted to say before congrats that he is bringing this to court under this (don't know what to call this except for stupid reasons)

I think you should just prepare yourself for how you were trying to allow him visitations. From now on if it was texts, do email. Save them all. Do not allow your emotions to get a hold of you. At the court order for the motion, ask about an RO, PO to prevent him from calling your phone. If you already have this, present evidence that he is violating this.

Did you comb thru your divorce papers yet, and the parenting papers yet?

Find the paragraphs that you want, and save them. Repeat them in email after email.

I really do hope that you feel stronger today. I know that it was after my first email that I sent out, the one I posted here, and he had no response, I felt stronger. See, I was acting the way that I should have been. I should have been cowering by him bullying me. Um, I couldn't do it anymore.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this, but I am happy that you are talking about it. I think a lot of people have also been reading and taking away what they could from this, so I really do thank you for posting.

Keep going strong, you really are a terrific person

amy

wanttobehealthy

Thank you Amy... I am not going to respond to him anymore with any of the text from the decree (the parenting plan has been final for nearly 2 years so he ought to be well versed with what it says by now!).

He is going to have to have his lawyer communicate with me (or not) but I am not going to contact him at all, zilch.

He knows precisely when he needs to arrive at the police station to meet to see the kids if he so chooses. He knows he has to be there to show he's sober on two separate breathalyzer devices.

I made the mistake of debating with him about why he had to respect the court order and follow it. That was stupid of me.

The orders exist and he IS required to follow them but he does not need me to remind him of that... I will let the judge know the multitude of ways he's in contempt when we are in court and I will ask for the arrears of past child support and that will be that.

amy55

Someone doesn't sound that scared anymore, you sound like you are ready to take the bull by the horn. Good for you. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember, the more you stand up to him, the better it feels, and it gets easier every time.

Just remember you are a terrific person, and you really do have terrific children also, and that's all because of you.

I really do wish he would stop his BS for awhile and give you a break.

amy

wanttobehealthy

Me too!

redatlanta

HA the girlfriend I mentioned that guy had hidden all monies, nothing was in his name anymore. It is true that ONE of their companies was in ch 11 and he used that to "prove" he was broke. He owed her 35k in back child support. he tried to present her as being unfit parent and so forth DIDN"T WORK. The Judge kept saying 'Hmmm, uh huh, hmmm uh huh" fool didn't even realize the Judge saw right through it. The A actually said "Judge, I haven't played golf in 9 months" yet when queried he was still a member of a very expensive Club "paid for my my friends"!.

Bottom line, he had 15 days to come up with a significant payment. The A said "I don't have it" Judge said "I think you do Mr. A certainly your friends do, ask them! " HAHAHAHA

it was a slam dunk. In my state they WILL not tolerate it.

Rev 3:16

Very sorry to hear this. I've been involved with women's shelter/abuse organizations in several different states. Please check in your area and contact the nearest. If they don't have services that would assist you, contact the next nearest. Many have attorneys who work pro bono, or at reduced rates. Most will have advocates who can appear with you in court.

I see that you have advocated for special needs children. You are an angel. Now you need an angel in your corner.

If he owes you money for child support, go for the money for your kids. If you don't need it (hah, when does a single mother not need money?) put it in trust for their education. Hitting him in the wallet will put some consequences to his bad actions.

Wisconsin

WTBH, don't be too disappointed if there aren't significant sanctions levied this time around. It's possible the judge will just deny his motion, and that will be it, since this is the first post-finalization motion your AXH has filed. If no sanctions are levied this time around, I'm willing to bet the judge will have absolutely zero tolerance for your AXH's crap if he files another frivolous motion in the future.

wanttobehealthy

I am betting actually that there won't be a hearing at all on this... We just saw a judge 3 weeks ago and agreed to settle this all by agreement... So xAH looks like a moron to be pulling this... I would be highly surprised if there is a hearing on his motion...

LexieCat

Mmm, not so sure about that. It's pretty rare for a court to simply throw out a motion without waiting for a response from the other side. And the allegation he's making is that you aren't abiding by the order. Now IF that were true, he would have every right to ask the court to hold you in contempt, just as you would have for HIS failure to abide by the order (though you declined to pursue it).

So I'd assume you will need to respond, and you might have to respond to the next one, too. At some point the court will lose patience and impose increasing sanctions (fines, jail) if he continues to abuse the system.

Just be patient. Sometimes it takes some time and inconvenience before they get what's coming to them.

Liveitwell

WTBH-Lexie is spot on. Let me pass on the best advice I received re my ex: time is my ally as it just gives him more time to showcase all his demons and abuse. Remember-Gods time, not yours. Have faith that He already knows how this is going to go! Same with your ex. HE is showing all that needs to be shown.

wanttobehealthy

I spoke to the attorney who helped me with the settlement proposal and asked if I should respond in depth to the motion before the court has even decided whether to have a hearing. She said that I should state simply that I have consistently adhered to the parenting plan, was at the police station at the time established, in the lobby, that he did not show and as a result I followed the parenting plan.

She suggested that I save the details and "proof" for the hearing so as to not give him time to work up defenses to his crap behavior.

So I wrote something up and will file it later today.

And then I guess the court will decide whether to hold a hearing or not. I have received nothing from the court at all about a hearing date... I guess though that is because they are waiting the 10 days as required for my reply to his nonsense motion.

Liveitwell

Anything he comes up with is just going to be more excuses-more BS. You are doing great!!!

wanttobehealthy

Yeah, I was launching into this detailed defense of myself as my response to his motion... but then this lawyer (who is fortunately not charging me to answer simple questions) told me I was giving him a road map to make up defenses to his behavior and that I should say the bare minimum until there is a hearing.

Seems difficult to wrap my head around as my knee jerk reaction is to explain and defend and outline and describe and give proof...

But I guess my reply is not the time for that....?

LexieCat

Sounds like the lawyer gave you good advice. If he denies it, or claims you agreed to switch but then didn't, then save any further argument for court.

Don't get upset about it, just consider it an annoying THING you have to do.

wanttobehealthy

The whole discussion about meeting up was in text. I was crystal clear that I was sticking to the parenting plan and was not agreeing to anything else.

I also emailed him back in Jan saying that my response to any attempts on his part to change the parenting plan would be "ok" to indicate acknowledgement of his communication but that my answer was "I will adhere to the parenting plan".

He is completely screwed. I had forgotten about the early Jan email until I spent time last night re reading my emails to him and found it.

This is what I hope happens to him in court IF we go...

LexieCat

One suggestion for court--see if you can find an app that allows you to download/print out text messages. You might have to show the court your phone, but having the texts printed out will make it something that can be marked as an exhibit. The court can compare what's on your phone to the printout, and once the judge sees it's the same, the printout can be part of the court record. You will get brownie points for being prepared and making the court's job easier.

Make sure you print out ALL of the relevant texts between the two of you--don't leave out those that you think don't look so good for you. That will get you brownie points for being trustworthy and credible.

wanttobehealthy

I have taken screen shots of them and printed them in the past and brought them to court. Of course he then had his lawyer argue that they do not show the entirety of the text record... And then I offered to give the judge my phone and the copies of the texts were allowed.

I also have the emails printed. xAH tried to argue a year ago (when an email was presented to show that he had admitted to being drunk after driving with the kids), that I "fabricated" the email.

The email was a reply from HIS email to me and he looked like an idiot to the court.

So, I guess, fortunately, I have had experience of needing to have things printed for court and I plan to ask for him to have to pay for the time I will take off of work to be in court since the final decree says that anyone NOT following the court order is responsible for all costs associated with enforcing it.

Liveitwell

Btw-you may want to also request the court order you to use Family Wizard or something similar for all communication-NO outside communication whatsoever. That's system is fool proof and documents each communication with time/date and is admissible in court.

wanttobehealthy

The parenting plan makes the times/dates/locations for kid drop off and pick up CRYSTAL clear.

xAH just doesn't like it.

It is ALWAYS to be at the police station lobby where he needs to take BOTH breathalyzers to show he is sober (bc he has admitted in writing to being able to tamper with his if he wanted to to get a false negative).

The problem is that I have, over time, bent on occassion on meeting there to appease him. But since early January I have made it crystal clear that is the ONLY place I will meet him.

And he is irate about it and is seeking ways to get me to agree not to.

I probably hurt myself by replying "ok" to this long ranting text from him where he makes a million suggestions about lots of variations of the parenting plan... But I had made clear to him a month prior in writing that "ok" would be my sole response to his communication as a way to show I had received it BUT that I only would meet at the police station and that I was not debating it anymore...

He set me up. He played a game and he wanted to find a way to take me to court... That was the goal.

If I had agreed to meet him anywhere but the police station I do not doubt that he would have alleged I did something to him in an attempt to get me to court that way.

He's a sick and dangerous man.

Liveitwell

Yes, he is. But his arrogabce will be his downfall.